The worst race I ever ran, was a 10K,the day before which I had learned I would be having to move out of the house I was renting, because the owners were going to sell it. I had 30 days to find someplace else to live, and arrange to pack and get all my stuff out. That 10K wound up being slower than what I'd run in training. I doubt I cracked 6:30 pace, when normally I was good for 5:30. And my worries were comparatively minor compared to Hasay.
Whether she's clean or not, she's got to be thinking the same thing: her very livlihood is threatened. If she's clean, she may be worried that she'll never attain the same fitness under Salazar, because she genuinely benefitted from him. If (as i suspect) she did benefit from some underhanded techniques from him, she must be fearing detection, or questioning how much of her fitness was due to talent and work, versus illegal activities.
And regardless of whether she's clean or not, she has to be wondering if she's going to be perceived as tainted, and if she'll be able to find new training or coaching elsewhere. And of course, there is the great weight of the Olympics weighing down, as she is surely realizing 2020 is looking ever more doubtful, as is the realization that she's not getting younger, and if not 2020, she's going to be pushing her mid 30s by 2024. Her window of opportunity is closing, quickly.
That's a lot to think about while running the most mentally and physically taxing race you can run (outside of the ultra distances, of course). It's not a good frame of mind.
I feel very sad for her. I remember watching her break through as a high schooler, at the Olympic trials in '04. I heard the crowds chant "Come to Oregon." I remember the promise she presented. Looking back, I wonder if at that very moment she was in fact doomed. She was going to come to Oregon. Going to run for Salazar. Going to join NOP. And what was it all for? I wish she'd never run for Oregon, found some other other, some other coach. I fear her career is going to be one tainted by suspicion by association, her potential ultimately unfulfilled.
That's a terrible shame.