I feel bad for you guys. I actually just got back from my quarterly breakfast with a married friend who has a 2 year old. Constantly checks his watch during these little meet ups and after an hour or so needs to bolt back home.
I think what's interesting for me is that I remember growing up. My Dad worked and my Mom stayed home. My family was lower middle class for much of my preadolescence, but we made it work and we kids were none the wiser. I remember my Dad going on long bike rides on most Saturdays or Sundays with a couple of his friends. That is to say, he was around, but he wasn't around all the time and I was generally encouraged to be independent along with my Brother so his typical absences weren't considered a problem in any sense of the word. We'd go out and play in the backyard while Mom would check in. When Dad would get back, we'd hang out with him and his friend in the garage while they drank beer and did maintenance of their bikes.
I guess what I am trying to say is you married guys as a collective have sort of forged the path of least resistance into this weird new dynamic and you'll need to find a way to leverage it back to a more manageable level. This whole "the husband is the family plow horse" arrangement is not only unhealthy, but it's a terrible example to set for your sons. But hey, "Happy Wife, Happy Life", amirite? lol.