Losing my girlfriend in college..

Ignore, but if you must, respond-- on your own terms-- with kindness and little detail. What I mean is, don't go out of your way to respond to her in a certain way. If she texts during class, wait till after class to text her back. If she texts while you're running, respond after you take a shower. Respond with kind, genuine texts, but nothing in depth. There is no need to have a long conversation. One word answers are more than fine.

For example:

HER: Hey! How are you!

YOU: Pretty exhausted from that ten miler I just crushed/test I just took/etc.

HER: Oh wow you must be training/studying hard.

You: Yea

Make sure that you don't text her first though.

Focus on what you need to do to be the best you can be in whatever is important to you. The less important that she becomes to you, the better off you will be.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

What should I do if she texts me asking how I am doing? Ignore, or text back?

Just say you're fine or don't answer at all. Staying friends or even in contact is risky. You might become a doormat or coaxed back into a bad relationship.

More great advice.

I'd say to the OP that much restraint is needed right now. Make yourself a little scarce to her and definitely get away from your phone, it's far too much of a temptation for you at this time. Go old school and drop off the grid for extended periods of time, at first a few hours and then work up from there. Constantly checking and waiting for her to call/text will begin to eat you alive. When you do talk to her, be pleasant but don't bare your soul to her, you've done that already, repeating it over and over won't accomplish anything favorable for you.

Continue to run hard and study hard, it will occupy your time, get you away from that phone of yours and it will tire you out physically and mentally so that you sleep well, which is crucial when going through times like these.

Think of everything in your life besides her that is important to you and/or gives you joy and do it. Be the captain of your ship and chart a new course of adventure and please don't bring that ship back to the port of Ex-GF.

Good luck!

Time for some tough love for both of you. First for you: no more drama brother. Man up and out it behind you.

Second for her. If she texts you, respond with: "This isn't going to work for me now. I'll be in touch when I think I'm ready. I respected your decision to break up,now I ask you to respect mine to give me space. Be well." Then block her textsif she gets indignant.

Here is the order of best actions for you;

1 - Don't talk to her anymore. You don't have to be mean about it. You can even tell her once, "I don't think being friends is a smart idea right now - maybe in a few months"

Set a timeline of 6 months - if you still want to be her buddy in 6 months you'll probably be in the clear.

This is BY FAR the best option.

2 - If you aren't strong enough to "live without her" try to treat her like you would one of your buddies. If your buddy texted you "hey how's it going?" you wouldn't gush back "heyy! it's going great! so nice to hear from you. I really would love to see you"

I would not recommend this though as it's a bit like telling an alcoholic to only drink 2 beers a night. You are very likely going to get sucked back into a "lapdog" position where you try to text, call, hangout with her in hopes that the relationship will somehow get renewed.

3 - Continue on the path that you're on. Keep her on facebook, respond to her text, hangout and support her whenever she asks.

Your new friends will lose respect for you as every waking moment is obsessing about this girl. Your studies will suffer as you can't concentrate and are analyzing every conversation you have with her. Your running won't be as enjoyable as you'll be wondering who she is hanging out with.

You'll fall into a cycle of not hearing from her or her being cold and then pounce on any moment to hang out and then once she reaffirms she still has your attention/friendship she can ignore you again for days or weeks on end.

Eventually she'll start dating a guy at her school and it will crush you. You'll finally let her go after this but it would have been months or longer of pure suffering.

Please don't do this.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Do you guys believe in second chances? Do you think later down the road we might start fresh and from a new perspective and try things again? Has this ever happened to you guys? Honestly, I thought she was the one.

No, to all of those.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

What should I do if she texts me asking how I am doing? Ignore, or text back?

My advice is don't text her back at all. I know people are saying to text back with short answers and while that would be fine if you weren't a mess, right now you need to completely let go. If you text her back your just going to be obsessing over how she responds, so don't text her back at all. Just ignore all of her texts. Do that for a little bit and you will start to feel like your self again. She will try to probably even bait you into texting her back by saying things like "Hey guess what!?". Ignore everything she throws your way. This is more for your benefit than hers.

Yes! Super thumbs up to this. It will clear your mind. And yes - she will absolutely text things like, "miss you :-(" and "hey what are you up to this weekend!!"She is missing your attention. Like everyone on earth you just naturally want what you can't have. If you text her back she knows you are still "under her thumb" and she is free to not worry and go hook up.

another runner wrote:

My advice is don't text her back at all. I know people are saying to text back with short answers and while that would be fine if you weren't a mess, right now you need to completely let go. If you text her back your just going to be obsessing over how she responds, so don't text her back at all. Just ignore all of her texts. Do that for a little bit and you will start to feel like your self again. She will try to probably even bait you into texting her back by saying things like "Hey guess what!?". Ignore everything she throws your way. This is more for your benefit than hers.

Yes, you're a good candidate for running on "Pure Hate". Once out of college and in to the real world of disappointment, stress, work related idiots (some your bosses), and a broken world you can begin to harness this method to take your running to the next level. No one said life would be easy, young amigo. Be strong and avoid too much sentimentmentality about love when women

are an unpredictable species often inclined to see how much heartache you can stand.

MAGA

I'm really pissed off now. I'm completely done with all this bullshit. I'm going 100% beast mode. I just lost the girl of my dreams and I'm about to light up the running scene. I run for a mid-major D1 program by the way and in the cross season. Focusing on myself and getting to work tomorrow. You best believe, It's definitely grind time.

You need to get out into the world son. First, do NOT allow her to shift you to friend mode. She wants to break it off? Good luck girlfriend, we're over. You're NOT her safety blanket.Now study, work hard and have fun. FUN! Women are like busses, there is ALWAYS another one coming along. Listen carefully: In less than five years, the dynamic in which women are at their peak, and lord it like gold over the men around them, comes to an end and it becomes time for men to ascend. As you ascend over the next five years or so, the sex/gender power dynamic will shift tremendously. You'll have your pick of many multiples of these same formerly aloof power-broker women. You can't see it now but that's how it works.By your middle age, most of those formerly smoking hot and aloof women will be aging, past-their-prime, and you'll wonder why you ever fawned over any one of them. That includes this girl who you were so sure was "the one". There is no "the one". Now, go have fun and make sure that you create a life that will make this little chick, soon to fade, rue the day she let you go.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

I'm really pissed off now. I'm completely done with all this bullshit. I'm going 100% beast mode. I just lost the girl of my dreams and I'm about to light up the running scene. I run for a mid-major D1 program by the way and in the cross season. Focusing on myself and getting to work tomorrow. You best believe, It's definitely grind time.

Good attitude. Now it just depends on the follow through! Maybe even print up a big sign that you put over your desk that says "Beast Mode" and has a cell phone with a big red circle and X on it. Any moments of weakness it will remind you. If anyone asks you can just say beast mode refers to your training and study and the "no cell phone" refers to not looking at Facebook etc. as it distracts you when you study (really it means "DO NOT TEXT HER")btw she wasn't the girl of your dreams. I know you believe that 100% but you are just psychologically attached. The longer you can be strong and not text her the less that attachment will grow.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

I'm really pissed off now. I'm completely done with all this bullshit. I'm going 100% beast mode. I just lost the girl of my dreams and I'm about to light up the running scene. I run for a mid-major D1 program by the way and in the cross season. Focusing on myself and getting to work tomorrow. You best believe, It's definitely grind time.

You are 19/20 years old? You do not need a girlfriend. You should date, expand your network, focused on academics and what you truly want to do in terms of a career. Heck, I wouldn't think of getting tied down until I was 30 as a guy). Let no term, marriage is a terrible deal for guys and you need to get it in your head not to commit to anyone. You are too young to have a committed relationship. Wise up.

You're a fing p$ssy for letting it get you down, but what else would I expect from some autistic emaciated distance runner?

Biggest question is whether you got some buttthole action with her before she let you down. If so, you win.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

What should I do if she texts me asking how I am doing? Ignore, or text back?

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

you might want her back. best possible thing you can do to get her back is not talk to her, talk to other girls, start the process of becoming your own man, etc... don't be the first to contact her over winter break. don't tell her how you feel then if she does contact you and you end up spending time together. even if she confesses she still loves you don't give her much ground. say you still like her and maybe things will work in the future. you have to take the upper hand. we all learned this the hard way, and like other guys said, by your mid-late 20s the tables will have turned.

fooly cooly wrote:

like other guys said, by your mid-late 20s the tables will have turned.

Not to hijack this thread, but as a younger, undergrad-age individual myself, can you explain how exactly the tables turn?

Feminine beauty fades noticeably by the late 20s at the latest. Simultaneously, men mature and grow into themselves. Feminine insecurity increases massively by the late 20s, with an accelerating decline into the 40s for women. Women who read this HATE it but it's true.

Nature unkind wrote:

Feminine beauty fades noticeably by the late 20s at the latest. Simultaneously, men mature and grow into themselves. Feminine insecurity increases massively by the late 20s, with an accelerating decline into the 40s for women. Women who read this HATE it but it's true.

So as a 27+ year old guy, would I theoretically have a better shot with a woman my age or a woman in her early 20s? Does it even out across the board