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- Losing my girlfriend in college..
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I would really appreciate it if I could get some serious responses. But if you really feel the need to troll then whatever makes you happy on the inside. Basically I am dating this girl and we dated in high school. We both are freshman in college and go to different colleges pretty far from each other (several hours). She has been acting different and recently told me that we aren't on the same page in the relationship and that she needs to figure everything out. I told her if she wants to break up with me then just get it over with but she says there is a part of her that still wants to be with me. Do you think this could still work out or is our relationship pretty much doomed? I can tell she feels bad because she called me an hour later asking if I was okay.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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Shit happens in college man. People change, and even if she still does want to be with you it is very rare for long distance to work out. Of course it can work, but it needs to happen on both ends. You did well by telling her to get it over with, a lot of people just sit and wait for their death. It sounds like she does still care about you, and maybe it's just hard for her to deal with the start of the year, as it is the start of a new life. Good luck dude, don't do any stupid shit if it goes south for you.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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Also be prepared for the morans on this site to tell you that it's over because she wants to fvck other dudes. Not everyone in college is an animal, letsrun, people do have other goals in life.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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It's 99% this;
She wants to explore - date other guys - do other things. Girls (especially freshmen) get A LOT of attention in university. Likely she still really likes you and wants to be friends but pleasssse don't feed her attention seeking appetite (not trying to be mean but she is an 18-19 yo girl...) and be her doormat/shoulder to cry on friend.
The best thing you can do is - accept this natural reality and go have fun at your college! If you do what I did in university and pine over your first lost girlfriend for months you'll be in a pity party that your friends/new college mates/new prospects won't respect very much.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to French Dawg
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When my gf went to college (she was a year younger than me) she dumped me within a month. First it started as a "break" then she completely broke it off a couple weeks later. She totally changed as a person (for the worse) so in hindsight it was a good thing. At the time it sucked but you'll get over it and you'll be a better man for it. Looking back now I'm not really sure why I wanted to be with her in the first place.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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seriously. Break it off. Stop talking to her.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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Really appreciate your responses guys. More info: basically, we've been dating for several months and I truly love this girl. My whole summer was spent hanging out with her and I had a really good time. She has told me that she has a few guy friends that she's hung out with before but most of it sounds like as a group (other girls included), rather than one on one. She is not the type of person to cheat and I 100% am certain she wouldn't cheat. She does enjoy attention and has been hanging out with these friends, pretty late (4am). We have gotten into arguments about that and I think she is really disliking my personality as of now. If everything works out in the end I definitely need to be less overprotective and let her do what she wants and not get upset for it. It is very hard to deal with because I am just starting college as well and I see that basically every guy wants to fck, and she is a really sweet girl and would never tell a guy simply to fck off unless it was 100% clear he wanted to get with her.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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Good answers, and I agree... it won't last. Stay friends if you can, and go ahead and head on out to the pasture's. Don't make a big deal of the issue, but if you're talking to a girl at a party, etc., a sympathy play from her, is likely. Just keep the subject low-key, and that it was a great high school relationship.
You're in college now, kid. You have a long long way to go with a lot of things. Be mature, but have fun. These can absolutely be a wonderful set of years, and it is most likely that you'll meet your life best friends... maybe even your future wife.
Another note... the folks that I have witnessed make a long distance relationship work, started seeing each other mid-college, didn't break up when one got a job in another city, and worked continuously to find jobs in the same city. They're all really happy couples.
Good luck, and have fun!
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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Honestly, it's hard to tell if you actually love a girl, think you lover her, or just want to love her after "several months."
TroubledRelationship wrote:
basically, we've been dating for several months and I truly love this girl.
That's what everyone says before they get cheated on...be careful with statements like this...could cause you more pain in the long run. I'm not saying be suspicious of her all the time--that's just as bad--just realize that she is human.
TroubledRelationship wrote:
She is not the type of person to cheat and I 100% am certain she wouldn't cheat.
Red flag
TroubledRelationship wrote:
She does enjoy attention and has been hanging out with these friends, pretty late (4am). We have gotten into arguments about that
Props to you for truly trying to make it work. My advice would be not to force it to last. If it is meant to be it will last.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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It's doomed, I am sorry.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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Dude I can tell you are suffering (obviously because you are posting about relationships on a Friday night) but pleasssse take my advice. I've been through this. I'm sure a lot of guys have. Hindsight is 20/20 but you are too emotionally involved now to have perspective.
1 - You sound like you have made jealous comments. Don't do this! Be cool and aloof. She is going to hang out with other guys, stay up late etc. no matter what you say - and if you act jealous it will push her even more towards other guys.
2 - She might not "cheat" in a traditional sense but she could stay up all night having deep meaningful conversations with an older, chill dude in his cool and single dorm room while they cuddle and touch a bit and she quietly says "I can't do anything though I have a boyfriend". Doesn't mean she isn't connecting emotionally and falling for that guy - probably worse then just banging meaninglessly ("cheating" in your mind)
From what you've described she could very well be doing this - and I know it hurts - but I WISH someone had told me all this when I was getting "slow dumped" and I could have been out having fun, studying hard and meeting other girls rather then being miserable and pining away like a little sissy.
TroubledRelationship wrote:
Really appreciate your responses guys. More info: basically, we've been dating for several months and I truly love this girl. My whole summer was spent hanging out with her and I had a really good time. She has told me that she has a few guy friends that she's hung out with before but most of it sounds like as a group (other girls included), rather than one on one. She is not the type of person to cheat and I 100% am certain she wouldn't cheat. She does enjoy attention and has been hanging out with these friends, pretty late (4am). We have gotten into arguments about that and I think she is really disliking my personality as of now. If everything works out in the end I definitely need to be less overprotective and let her do what she wants and not get upset for it. It is very hard to deal with because I am just starting college as well and I see that basically every guy wants to fck, and she is a really sweet girl and would never tell a guy simply to fck off unless it was 100% clear he wanted to get with her.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to FriendlyLobo
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Pretty rare to marry a high school sweetheart these days, so if it doesn't work out for you don't be too broken up about it. College is a great life experience and I think a long distance relationship can temper that experience some, especially for a well intentioned guy like you. So better to be done with a relationship that doesn't have gray long term odds and to turn your attention at the social wonderland that is college life free of encumbrances and guilt.
I know that's not what you wan to hear right now, but when the other shoe drops, keep this advice in mind.
Never in your life will you be as free as you are right now; never in your life will the opportunity for new adult experiences be omnipresent; never again will you have the oure sugar rush of new romance and new friends and newly found independence. Embrace the new, and don't rue the loss of the old.
Still, I hear your hurt and it sucks and I'm sorry but you'll be fine.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to get over it
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I was living your exact same life in 2006. HS girlfriend, different college, she started acting strangely within a couple weeks, told me we needed a break. We broke up.
I was shattered for a while, and it got worse when I heard about how much sleeping around and drinking she was doing. It really did hurt.
But in the long run it was good for me. I couldn't see that for a long time, but it was true. And then the inevitable. Time passes and the hurt goes away. Now over a decade later, that girl and I are very good friends and we're both happily married to other people.
My advice. Don't worry. You make break up, and that will hurt, but that's ok. That will heal. You will meet another girl. Someone you can actually spend time with and aren't constantly worried what they're up to.
Oh and learning to be happy with yourself, while single, and not relying on someone else is one of the most valuable life lessons you can learn.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to Devil Dog
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Long distance relationships hardly ever workout..But, it seems you are starting out on the right track here..you guys are still cordial.
Keep it that way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than having a girl break up with you and maybe you (me) say some hurtful things cause your (me) was hurt and then running into them years later (20 or 30) at a little league game or something...
Luckily, in my case my old girlfriend and friend just gives me a hard time about it now.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to was
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This is probably the most decent and human thread I've seen on letsrun for years.
It sucks right now. I know you miss what you had. You're getting really good advice, so keep your head up young man. What you are going through is not uncommon.
Don't feel like you need to go out and prove anything to anybody. Just accept that it is what it is and move on. This is part of life, letting go of things we thought we're going to last.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to was
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Best thing to do is to let her go and regret it the rest of your life. Keep thinking in your mind you'll never find anyone like her in the entire world. This will of course doom the rest of your future relationships and set you up for a long string of heartbreaks and disappointments. After getting out college you'll struggle for years to find a meaningful job and eventually settle for a job of mediocrity lost in some beaurocracy. After many years of this it will click that you can tap into all this existential life angst and begin to run on "Pure Hate". You'll eventually thank miss "One and Only" and let her go until the next one comes along to break your heart and you can start the whole process over again. Ain't love swell.
No charge for the free advice, amigo.
MAGA
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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It sounds like you avoided making a hard decision about (not) continuing the relationship when you decided to go to different colleges in different locations. Your choice to go to a different college indicates that was a higher priority to both of you over the continuing relationship, otherwise you would have made your college plans together. (That could also backfire with your lives going in different directions at the same college--especially as freshman.) This is a generalization, but some women tend to want to be in "any" relationship even if it's not working just so they don't have to worry about being on the market or feel the pressure of finding a boyfriend or feel self-conscious about being single. Men do this too, but it's less common. This may explain why she (or you) hasn't dropped the hatchet yet, but you probably should just to get some clarity here. The more you drag this out, the harder it will be for both of you.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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It's over, Bro. Feel bad for a while and move on.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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She doesn't respect you, which says a lot more about her than it does about you. Move on.
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- RE: Losing my girlfriend in college.. - in reply to TroubledRelationship
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You are on the we are dating page she is not.
TroubledRelationship wrote:
I would really appreciate it if I could get some serious responses. But if you really feel the need to troll then whatever makes you happy on the inside. Basically I am dating this girl and we dated in high school. We both are freshman in college and go to different colleges pretty far from each other (several hours). She has been acting different and recently told me that we aren't on the same page in the relationship and that she needs to figure everything out. I told her if she wants to break up with me then just get it over with but she says there is a part of her that still wants to be with me. Do you think this could still work out or is our relationship pretty much doomed? I can tell she feels bad because she called me an hour later asking if I was okay.
---- you are no longer dating---
Work from that truism
The 'part of me still wants . . ' = iipse dixit.
Your life will have many pages The pages ahead are the ones that count the most--go ahead and start writing your next page.
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