Etiquette question regarding lack of thank you

Just LOL if you expect anything back when you give someone a gift especially a stranger.

question 4 letsrun wrote:

temp wrote:

Dear Old Dude,

Please do not give your female office coworker a Christmas gift it is creepy and weird. I would have responded sooner with a hand written note, but only retired people do that and I didn't want to encourage your inappropriate behavior. Hopefully we can let this go without having to involve HR, your advances are unwelcome and make me uncomfortable.

Sincerely someone who only spends time with you because I'm getting paid and I really need the money,

Jane

If this wasn't a troll I would feel very sad for you, but no young person is named Jane.

10/10 Jane is just another jerk!

Somehow, I can imagine this porky figured looking tramp seereing a thank you

out of the side of her beleagured half life. The lesbian side, then set it under the desk while she continued to survey the dirt underneath her filthy fingernails. Good thing you didn't get her a french Grand Vin vintage. I always sent thank you cards, or give one back (I do know how to choose wine).

Still, I have friends from years ago that do send me Christmas cards and rarely do I pop in $25.00 - $30.00 cash, and a nice long greeting.

Question 4 letsrun wrote:

TopPercent wrote:

Of course you should have received a “thank you” card. My goodness. Common sense. Anyone claiming otherwise was brought up in the lower middle class or below.

Thank you

(And that wasn't hard to write)

So you were not looking for other people's opinion on what they would do. You just wanted some people to post that they agree with you so that you can feel you were right.

It really sounds like you have a lot of issues with your job that go way beyond a Christmas present and the (perceived) slight that she did not put a Thank You into writing.

These issues are all separate from the gift and should be considered as such. Since you are not long for this job, and it is not your idea of satisfying, you should quit.

As a younger person (30) I think thank you cards are formalities reserved for special occasions like weddings. It may have been more common with the previous generation, but I don't think most young people expect to receive them so they don't think to give them. It's nothing personal. Just not as common of a practice anymore.

If I received an unexpected gift from a coworker then I would obviously thank them the moment it was given and then thanked them again after the holiday break and told them how I really enjoyed the bottle. I would probably offer to buy the person lunch as a further thank you for the bottle.

I might consider getting a small gift for the person and giving it to them after the holiday break but I feel like it's insincere to get someone a gift after the holidays only because they got you a gift. At no point would I even think of writing a thank you card especially if I see you everyday. The lunch offer is a way to say thank you and seems appropriate for an office setting.

The first response to the post is simply

CLASSIC LR!

The Overexplainer wrote:

So you were not looking for other people's opinion on what they would do. You just wanted some people to post that they agree with you so that you can feel you were right.

+1

OP is apparently incapable of listening or learning, and just wants validation.

Number of thank you notes I have written in my life as an adult: 0

Number of thank you notes I have received in my life as an adult: 0

Long may this continue.

OP has some serious issues. Grow a pair.

Classic inter-office power-play, she's clearly asserting her dominance over you:

1. gives you all the sh*t work

2. snubs a thank you

This is all deliberate, its an attempt to make you feel inferior, and its working! You'll be fetching her coffee in no time.

Thanks for your response. Basically your answer is that you would have done something extra to show you appreciated the extra effort.

I asked my daughters this question and they basically agreed with you although they also said they might send a text later with an extra thank you. One said that she might do an informal note left on desk.

letsbehonest wrote:

The Overexplainer wrote:

So you were not looking for other people's opinion on what they would do. You just wanted some people to post that they agree with you so that you can feel you were right.

+1

OP is apparently incapable of listening or learning, and just wants validation.

Actually you are both completely wrong. Just because I believed some extra thank you was appropriate doesn't mean I didn't want other opinions. I was interested in what people would say.

Some people posted, for some reason that I was a creep or if I thought a thank you was appropriate then it wasn't really gift.

I thanked the person who agreed with me because his post was genuine and he didn't call me a creep or old dude.

Hector The Inspector wrote:

If I received an unexpected gift from a coworker then I would obviously thank them the moment it was given and then thanked them again after the holiday break and told them how I really enjoyed the bottle.

This. This. This.

One thank you when you receive the gift and another thank you after youve enjoyed it.

Side note: I bought my co-workers (5 of us) dinner for making my job transition so smooth/a holiday gift. They thanked me in the moment. I refused their kind words - because it was my pleasure to be working with them.

The OP is nuts. Grandmas & recently married people have thank you cards, but that's it.

Don't give a gift if you're looking for a thank you. Your gift is saying thank you to them. The owe you nothing.

MAcdaddy wrote:

Hector The Inspector wrote:

If I received an unexpected gift from a coworker then I would obviously thank them the moment it was given and then thanked them again after the holiday break and told them how I really enjoyed the bottle.

This. This. This.

One thank you when you receive the gift and another thank you after youve enjoyed it.

Side note: I bought my co-workers (5 of us) dinner for making my job transition so smooth/a holiday gift. They thanked me in the moment. I refused their kind words - because it was my pleasure to be working with them.

The OP is nuts. Grandmas & recently married people have thank you cards, but that's it.

Don't give a gift if you're looking for a thank you. Your gift is saying thank you to them. The owe you nothing.

I have treated co-workers to meals a number of times, it would be weird to get a thank you note after that. Receiving A Christmas gift where you you didn't give anything is different. One of dughters suggested that she might send a text of appreciation. Both my girls said they would do something extra to show appreciation for the effort.

Maybe that just the way we are.

I have twice found ID lying on the road and messaged the owners via facebook to let them know and told them I would mail it. In neither case did I get an extra thank you of any sort after it arrived or even a message that it had arrived.

Both people were under 30.

Back in the day "thanks again" would have probably been given.

If I got the card and wine all I would say is thank you if I see you often. Maybe I am rude.

If my wife got the wine and card, she probably would feel badly that she didn't give you a gift. She would say thank you and may feel obligated to give you something. But it would be out of an obligation and kind of a pain since she is busy. She would rather nothing be exchanged.

But we are kind of bah humbug types.

If the wine bottle was recyclable she could have thanked you by giving it back to you when it was empty.

first thanks is last thanks wrote:

I have twice found ID lying on the road and messaged the owners via facebook to let them know and told them I would mail it. In neither case did I get an extra thank you of any sort after it arrived or even a message that it had arrived.

Both people were under 30.

Back in the day "thanks again" would have probably been given.

Yes, a simple thank you was more common.

I find that comment from the previous poster thinking that no one owes you anything is a helluva way to look at it. It's like sending someone a thank you text would be like giving something up that you shouldn't have to.

I find that difficult to understand.

Hey old timer wrote:

Hey old timer, our generation doesn't do thank-you notes. Instead, we would do something like buy you lunch, or a beer or a coffee. Maybe a muffin from the tuck shop. And we would do it at a time that is natural, not immediately after receiving something. Hope this helps.

No woman, irregardless of generation, has ever opened (or held open a door for me).

Think about it, and same has probably "not" happened to you = had door held open for you.