Parents will "disown me" for going to college of my dreams

Follow your heart. You will have tons of regret later if you don't. My brother always wanted to be an English teacher too while growing up, but after high school he chose to pursue other careers which he thought would make other people proud. Now finally, at age 33, he is an English teacher (and track coach!) and he has never been happier. But he stumbled along for years until he figured out he needed to live for himself, not anyone else.

Your parents are in America now and somehow need to put parts of their old culture in the past. Korea may work that way, but America does not. America became great because a bunch of people pursued their dreams, not because they did what others expected of them.

Carnivore 69 wrote:

Follow your heart. You will have tons of regret later if you don't. My brother always wanted to be an English teacher too while growing up, but after high school he chose to pursue other careers which he thought would make other people proud. Now finally, at age 33, he is an English teacher (and track coach!) and he has never been happier. But he stumbled along for years until he figured out he needed to live for himself, not anyone else.

Your parents are in America now and somehow need to put parts of their old culture in the past. Korea may work that way, but America does not. America became great because a bunch of people pursued their dreams, not because they did what others expected of them.

I am a parent with kids in college and beyond. One of the hardest things for parents to realize is that they can't make their kids be what they want them to be--no matter how well-intentioned and logical it seems to them.

My advice would be to follow your dreams. Take your scholarship to Western Washington, DON'T burn any bridges or get drawn into arguments where you say things that you will regret later. If you know that your parents love you then they will come around. If they don't love you, then you may as well get on with your life. Sad but true, and I'm sorry that someone so young has to go through this-but everyone has their burden and it sounds like you have the tools to take care of yourself and have a meaningful life. Good luck.

As one runner to another, follow your heart. It doesn't mean life will necessarily be any easier, but if you don't I suspect you are almost certain to be unhappy. Peace and good luck.

rather much be going to Western Washington University. It is the top school to become a teacher from on the west coast.

Study Mongol/Asian history there. It's probably much better better than the ed program.

Having taught for 20 yrs, I can and will tell you that it is not all you might think or hope it is or would be. In retrospect I have come to see dentistry as great job/career. It is respected, you do help people (and you can always volunteer at clinics etc), you can develope positive relationships with your patients, and even make a good living. You of course will have to bust your assin college and dental school - but, so what. The pay-off will come soon enough. The problem you are having is that youth generally lacks perspective other than the immediate. It is true that perhaps your parents want this type of career for you for thier own selfish, ego-based reasons, but again, so what! ultimately you will be the beneficiary of your hard work. every dentist that I have had, or known in my life has seemed to be happy,and content. I can not come close to saying the same for teachers, who are usually overworked, underpaid, and under-appreciated. Your life is just that, but try and look down the road. It is really the same as Hadd's running advice - invest now, reap later.

I've heard that dentistry has the highest suicide rate of careers.

again to carthage,

This is kind of redundant since I posted in your earlier thread about this. The link is below. In any case, to repeat...

I am a former prez of an asian student association. From that perch, I have seen far too many asian students forced into a course of study for which they have no desire (foremost: pre-med). Some accept their lot in life and do fine, however some do not. A few things happen to those folks:

1) They perform poorly academically despite being very bright students

2) The smart ones quit their pre-med studies early and earn say a business degree instead

3) Many do not end up in med school in part because they have poor grades, low MCAT scores, and overall not qualified to be accepted at good med schools.

4) They spend countless years trying to figure things out, going from one odd job to another

5) In the end, they are listless for a few years and managed to still disappoint their parents

I can count on more than one hand, asians that follow this path. #5 is worth repeating. If you do not follow your passions, you will disappoint yourself and eventually your parents anyway.

Asian parents have an obsession in wanting their kids to be doctors and lawyers. Part of it is they want a good life for you (to be a professional versus a middle-class worker like themselves). I would say though that a bigger part of it is very selfish. One of the most prestigious things an Asian parent can claim is that my child is a doctor. It gives them immediate status and provides "proof" of how well they have raised their children. This kind of bullshit external validation in Asian society is part of the culture - for better or worse.

I'll give you an example. I know this one guy. He designs autos for Daimler. In fact, he designed the ML (I used to have a copy of the concept design which was far more radical than the existing version). He is one of only a few hundred such type designers in the world (the idea is that it is a very exclusive fraternity). He drives a new Benz every few months. He works 40 hours a week tops and makes a sick amount of money. What a freakin' dream job. He was mad in love with this one woman. She however broke up because her parents wanted her to marry a doctor or lawyer instead. WTF, most would say. Almost unbelievable unless you've seen or heard about this over and over again as I have.

You MUST, MUST take a stand against this. Your future is your own. I repeat from my previous post:

-There is an inflection point in every relationship with Asian parents where you break their will and dominance over you, and they realize that you are responsible enough to make your own decision and learn from your own mistakes. I advocate that point should come earlier sometime in HS rather than in college or post-collegiate in some cases.

-Clearly, you are not there yet, but you need to be soon.

Your parents are grandstanding. They will push the most extreme argument to make sure you adhere to their wishes.

Do you really think that your parents love you so little that they will really disown you? They insist on this only because they love you so much. Prove to them that what you are doing is right for you.

It would help if they thought you were more responsible, but they simply don't believe you know how to make good decisions for yourself (I think they may have a valid point here, but more on this later).

Take the consensus advice of the people on this thread. Do what you want. If you think the risk of "disownership" is too high, then make this compromise: go to UW and earn a teaching degree. In fact, you can still dupe your parents that you are still pre-med for the first year or so. You don't have to start taking specific courses until your second year anyway. By then, you will get more time away from your parents and show them that you can make good judgements for yourself. You can delay the "disownership" this way for another year or so. Who knows? You may like biology afterall.

If this is not palatable, your only option is to bear the risk and stake a claim for your own life. Get the scholarship, go to the other school and prove your parents wrong. Just be ready for an extended resolution period that may stretch years.

Email me if you want to discuss. I can get you in touch with many of my friends that had to endure what you went through. tdinh125 at dinhtoc.net.

Good luck.

http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=669629&page=4

As a follow up to this, I don't think you have been completely candid about the situation.

Asian parents are very leery in letting their foals go out on their own especially when they have not demonstrated good judgement.

I was a straight A student, a good (not great) miler, officer of several organizations, yada yawn yada yawn...never once showed any inclination to being a bad seed. Nonetheless, it was a battle every weekend to just go to my friends house (a fellow track athlete and honor student) and just hang out. Catching the midnight show was impossible.

Your previous thread was about sitting out a year of college to train. That is the most insane idea I have ever heard of. It shows (to me at least) especially poor decision making skills. If you had proposed this to me, I would pocket this as an example of why you should not be entrusted to your own decisions.

These are the type of thinking I'm sure drive your parents nuts. It gives them absolutely no confidence that you know how to think straight.

1) You are a mediocre runner. I stress that is not a bad thing. You can get very fast (sub 15 5K even), but simply not fast enough to be elite (say sub 14). Why take out a year of your life to pursue a hobby - regardless of how worthwhile that hobby is?

2) Why not run and study like virtually all other student athletes? The two are not mutually exclusive.

From the volume of messages you post here, it is clear you have a great passion for running. That's great. Don't let that cloud your judgement.

Here's a good parental management skill to develop: taper some of that obsession from your parents. I guarantee you they have no appreciation for your running. My mom today continues to ask why I still run. She will never learn.

I run because I simply just have to.

Notwithstanding,

Excellent, excellent analysis. Like you, I am a bit concerned by this kid's earlier musings about taking time off from school to devote himself to running. In that regard, his judgment doesn't seem fully formed, and his assessment of his prospects (in running, not necessarily in other pursuits) appears terribly unrealistic. But he sounds smart, earnest, thoughtful, and hard-working. I think that he'll make a fine teacher (or lawyer, or physician, or dentist), as long as it's his choice.

After reading your post, I am surprised someone who abuses the langauge wants to teach it.

No, I don't want to be an english teacher and I know I butcher it all the time.

Now I feel foolish. You wrote in four lines what I took two pages to do.

Getting disowned by control freak korean parents is not a necessarily a bad thing. Tell them that you will disown them and marry a black women.

If they will disown you for going to a school of your own choice, what will they do when they tell you that you are gay?

It would not be a bad idea to have a family session with a counselor preferably korean since your parents probably think white people are the devil and black people are apes.

If you are dead certain that you want to go to teaching college. Go now. It will be tough, but you have to stand up to your parents at some time.

I went to med school because of pressure from my parents, I hated every second of it. It took me four years at the place before I had the balls to stand up to my parents and quit. I wasted four years of my life at the place because I never had the balls to stand up to my parents in the first place. Going to med school was the worst thing I ever did, leaving med school was the best thing I ever did.

Don't be a wussbag like I was stand up to you parents NOW !

i am a teacher who wishes i would have gone to medical school...i wish i had some crazy korean parents that would have threatened me into doing what was good for me.

sorry to be a smartass...seriously, i guess i would just encourage you to make sure you are pursuing your passion. after beating my head against the wall for 15 years, i have at least learned that.

by the way, i spent a summer in bellingham once and would kill for a chance to be 17 again and go to WWU.

ok, maybe not "kill." but i really liked it there a lot.

Amazingly, not many have reccommended the medical training.

Get some training and challenge your lazy ass first.

You definitely need to get a backbone and tell your parents your hpes and dreams, but give them a copy of "Dead Poet's Society?????" I almost wet my pants at that one.

They don't respect your wishes, becuase they don't respect you...yet. I recommend Marine Corps OCS, then 3 yrs as an Infantry or Artillery Officer. Next, get an MBA, or MD or Law degree and figure out how this country works. If you still have a passion for Literature get another worthless degree in Washington and teach. At least by that time, you will have the right perspective to teach kids and you will have some real experience to fall back on if you hate it.