Parents will "disown me" for going to college of my dreams

I know I have posted a topic about this before long ago. But I must be gthe question again because the problem arises again for me. Thank you for your responses. I truly mean it.

You see I have a big problem on my hands.

My parents have always wanted me to become a doctor or dentist of some sort. They have preached this since whenever i was growing up. Reluctantly just so they would shutup I would say ok. Sometimes i would say ok because I didn't know any better. I would also mention some other fields, but they would get mad at me saying they didn't immigrate all the way from Korea for me to become something else

I want to be a teacher. An english teacher. But you see im too afraid of telling them this. Along with the next big problem, college. You see my parents are dead set on me going the University Of Washington because it is a good school. But, i dont want to go there (plus i want to escape away from my parents seeing how we only live like 20 mins away from the UW) I would

rather much be going to Western Washington University. It is the top school to become a teacher from on the west coast. They are ranked #2 for their masters programs on the west coast. But you see, I have already discussed this issue with my parents a little. They think it is not a good school.

The kicker, i am getting some scholaships from Western Washington because of academics. So I would't be dependent on my parents in any form. I have told my parents this but they dont seem to care. Plus any college i go to, my parents ARENT going to pay for it. They said i have to pay for it.

They basically said they will disown me if i goto Western Washington University. And to change my last name if i do.

What should I do. I would really like to go to Western because of what I am planning to achieve (teaching) and seeing how they are a better school for that. Also I just want to get away from my parents, but they will never let up. You see being in an asian family like mine is a pain in the *** because of the high stresses on academics. It is like I am trying to make them proud, when in reality I am not satisfied with that they want me to do.

What am i to do? Should I risk it all and just let them disown me. After all isnt it not fair that they are trying to live their dreams through my life? And isn't it not fair that I dont have a say in what i want to do/where i want to go? Once i do become succesful wouldn't it be safe to say they might come around?

You might be saying this is an unbelievable situation. Yeah it kinda is. Thank you very much.

i said this on dyestat also, but i'm thinking you might read it here.

go to western washington, its what you want to do. its your deciscion not your parents. i'm gonna have to call bs on the disowning you thing. i dont know any parents that are that heartless to disown their child for going to the childs choice in college and profession. also ask them is this not what america is for? so we dont have to go into the same profession as our parents, we have a choice (i'm assuming your dad or mom is a doctor)

nah they are just middle class. moms homemaker

dad works as a postman.

Well my advise is that you are living your life for you not your parents... When you succeed in your chosen profession they most likely will not be angry at you and if they are then that is their problem. Afterall they are not paying for it so they should keep their traps shut. Get your ducks in a row and work this summer and get your financial aid in order, so you will be squared away by the time school starts.

You would not happen to be Korean would you?

I remember most people telling you to go with your dreams.

If medicine is not what you want your life will be misery. If you go to Western and change your mind you can still go to medical school. Also, why can't you can be a teacher if you go to UW.

I'm sure both are good undergrad schools. Why don't you go to UW and see how you feel after freshman english and freshman biology? you have to take both so make them happy and take the pre-med bio. It shouldn't be hard for you.

You only have a month to decide, May 1st is the deadline for undergrad notifications. Let us know what you decide.

go to the school of YOUR choice. you will regret many things otherwise...

Oops I totally glossed over the part about your parent coming from Korea....

Sorry...

You've got to tell them that if you going to Western Wash is so bad that they'll not want anything to do with you, that they're failures as parents. What kind of bullshit is that? Ask them to tell all their friends about their grievences -- it's so stupid.

Sorry you're in this spot.

I've read some of the crap you post on here and all's I can say is I don't think you're capable of making a wise decision. You better play it safe and follow your parents orders. Hah. Just bustin' on ya a little..

Maybe your parents are trying to live through you. Maybe they think they are doing what's best for you. I can tell you this, when you're forced into doing something you dislike day after day, year after year, that's when life really sucks. Hmm, sounds like slavery to me. Keep your happiness in mind.

I wouldn't try to please parents if they are going to act like that. They obviously aren't very good parents and don't care about doing the best for their son so it is not worth following what they tell you to do, IMO.

I'll add my two cents. The only reason you would choose UW and go into Medicine would be because of the emotion you naturally feel of not wanting your parents upset. While that is an issue, and a sad one at that, it is not logical.

Logic says that you do what you feel is right for you. Logic says if you were to go to UW and become a doctor, you would both hate it, and consequently probably not be very good at it. You certainly wouldn't be your best.

If you go to WWU and study Education, the worst case scenario is that your parents really do disown you. While that would be a horrible thing to have happen, that is their choice. You can't be a good son if you are miserable, and your resintment towards your parents if you were at UW would be just as bad as any emotion you feel if they really do disown you.

Your in a tough spot, and to some extent it is a lose-lose situation, but I believe you have way more to lose by giving up yourself, than you do by being true to yourself and letting your parents make their own decisions.

And to top it all off, you are the one paying for your education. That should be enough right there.

Good luck! Follow your heart!

You will be much prouder of yourself if you stand up for what you want, not to mention much happier. My father is a physician, and became a physician out of monetary need for his family (his dad died when he was really young, mom worked at a grocery store and had 4 sisters), but now that it is all said and done and he is only a few years from retirement, he realizes he wishes he could have been a farmer like his dad and uncles. One of his most favorite things to do is get on the tractor and mow (they live in the country). I often think how lucky I have been to be able to pick the profession that I am interested in and I can't imagine how hard I would be on my self down the road if I picked something that was not truly me. Think of it in simpler terms. I am assuming you are a runner, what if someone told you, tough shit you have to be a baseball player for the rest of your life. You would live, but you would not be happy and you would grow to resent it. A doctor that resents his profession probably doens't make the best doctor. For the sake of your future patients, (and tell this to your parents), you shouldn't be in medicine. It is for the greater good of society. Ask them if they want to have a doctor operate on them if he/she isn't passionate about what they do.

This is a tough situation for a high school kid to be in.

It's tempting to recommend the choice that keeps the peace in the family, especially if it preserves your options and doesn't burn any bridges. But I have to say that, when you follow your parents' dreams instead of your own, and go along with their wishes just to placate them, you can end up carrying around an awful lot of resentment for a very long time, and it will probably make your academic and work life a lot harder.

I don't think that any of us knows you well enough to give a definitive answer. But your preference seems reasonable. (Quitting school to focus on running, on the other hand, would not seem reasonable, unless you're Alan Webb or Dathan Ritzenhein.) If you can handle the backlash, then I'm inclined to cast my vote with those who say that you should go where you want to go, do what you want to do, be what you want to be . . . .

I will add something else. Looking back over the past several decades, I can safely say that the best choices I have made in life -- in my academic life, my professional life, and my personal life -- have been choices that my father did not think I should make. I'm sure that wouldn't be true for everyone, but it has been true for me.

A friend of mine went to WWU for an ed degree, she got a job right away and is very happy. UW sucks IMO.

Get a copy of "Dead Poets Society." Leave it on their bed or something like that. Once they watch it, they may reconsider.

Well, I was in the opposite situation- I wanted to be a physician, but was maneveured and persuaded to become a lawyer. The grad school was fu$*#@ hard, because I disliked it and had to force myself to finish the school and pass the bar exam. It was like living a nightmare, except for the running and 2 years of college in the States (after that I came back to my home country to pursue a law degree). There wasn't 1 day when I did not resent my decision to abandon my dream to become a doctor.

Well, now I've got 2 masters, am earning loads of money, and still have time for running. But I am not happy and think of my profession as a tool for doing what I enjoy. I am planning to retire in my 40's and go back to med-school.

Don't make the same mistake- you've got 60 or so years to be what you wanna be, so go for it.

Go for what you think you should do. I don't think it's BS that parents would disown a child for something like this. I have been in a similar situation myself. I ended up doing what my family wanted to do. I was so desperately unhappy I ended up dropping out, it caused a lot of problems and I ended up doing what *I* actually wanted to do a few years later. You cannot live your whole life doing something such as medicine that is not what you want to do, but is what your parents want you to do. You will be spending 60+ hours a week doing this, it is HORRIBLE if it is something you hate. Plus, you are paying for this (your education).

I would write a letter to your parents, explaining why it is you want to do what you want to do. Explain that it is your passion.

If you keep doing what they want you to do, it will carry on for the rest of your life, and possibly, you will never have true respect from them, and will always be under their command, doing what they tell you to do.

You may also find that what they say is an empty threat, that after a few months of teaching they have not disowned you, and this I would say is a truer relationship. I would ask myself do I truly want to carry on a relationship with them, going into medicine, if they can't repsect what I would like to do, and they expect me to do something I would hate with my life?

You may also find it's not an empty threat. But at least then, you would have been true to yourself and respectful to them.

Good luck.

Kill your family and you won't have to worry about it.

Or kill yourself