My female coworker has lost a ton of weight, my supervisor wants me to talk to her

What if she was training like a world class female marathoner?

Why the double standard with females and males?

How thin can she not be?

Annie Bothma is back and racing for Zola.

This is far and away the best -- and correct -- answer.

Don't say anything wrote:

I'm surprised I am the first to respond this way but here it goes. DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HER.

You aren't her supervisor and you aren't in HR as near as I can tell. Any comment at all regarding her body or her looks can be misconstrued as sexual harassment. She is an adult and is responsible for her own health and actions. It is the responsibility of her friends, family, and significant others to tell her that they are concerned for her. You don't have that relationship, so don't pretend you do. Tell your supervisor you are uncomfortable getting involved her her personal life if they ask you to intervene. Any type of interference on your own accord is asking for trouble.

I agree you should probably not be the one to talk to her. Since you are asking on here, I would guess you are not super close with this coworker. That would be the only reason you might want to venture into that area.

If it is a question of health and others are concerned, it should be your supervisor who brings it up. I used to think this kind of subject should never be broached, but a little while back our office had some training with a counseling center and it was rather interesting. The director believed in approaching these situations, and he gave some really great advice. His approach is to be normal and just pose questions. "Hey, I noticed you have lost/gained weight recently. Did you mean to?"

If they did mean to, great, conversation's over. If they didn't, and they did need someone to talk to, that's great to. They might really have needed someone to ask them.

And if they look at you like you're crazy and can't believe you go so personal, you just say "I'm sorry if that was uncomfortable, I just wanted to make sure you were doing OK. As your supervisor (or whatever position you are) it is part of my job to make sure you're feeling happy and healthy, and if I wasn't doing well, I wouldn't want to have to go a long time without someone checking in with me."

So if your supervisor asks you about it, you should mention these approaches (if you like them) and say that it should really come from them.

That's it. They might still think that was uncalled for, but as the counseling director said, he's been wrong many times when broaching such subjects, but the times when he is right far outweigh the uncomfortable ones.

Does he make you talk to the obese/overweight co-workers as well?

They likely have more medical issues.

+1. No need to say anything to her, unless she presents a clear threat to herself or her co workers. If she passes out in the office due to malnutrition, then it may be appropriate to pull her into a meeting to discuss the episode. Otherwise, it would not be smart to pry into her personal life without a clear reason to.

Indeed, yes wrote:

This is far and away the best -- and correct -- answer.

Don't say anything wrote:

I'm surprised I am the first to respond this way but here it goes. DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HER.

You aren't her supervisor and you aren't in HR as near as I can tell. Any comment at all regarding her body or her looks can be misconstrued as sexual harassment. She is an adult and is responsible for her own health and actions. It is the responsibility of her friends, family, and significant others to tell her that they are concerned for her. You don't have that relationship, so don't pretend you do. Tell your supervisor you are uncomfortable getting involved her her personal life if they ask you to intervene. Any type of interference on your own accord is asking for trouble.

I wouldn't talk to her because my boss asked me, but I would if I were her friend. Saying it is family or someone else's issue to talk to her is the wrong attitude. Maybe she doesn't have much friends or family. We should look at for each other. Screw the liability thing.

I would be very careful how I talked to her about it though.

Obese America wrote:

Does he make you talk to the obese/overweight co-workers as well?

They likely have more medical issues.

Thank you. I don't understand how it is ok for people to say things to you because you are "too skinny", but if anyone said something to someone who was "too fat" they would be deemed insensitive and rude.

Anon wrote:

I wouldn't talk to her because my boss asked me, but I would if I were her friend. Saying it is family or someone else's issue to talk to her is the wrong attitude. Maybe she doesn't have much friends or family. We should look at for each other. Screw the liability thing.

I would be very careful how I talked to her about it though.

Being healthy in America must be a very traumatic issue for her.

Obese America wrote:

Does he make you talk to the obese/overweight co-workers as well?

They likely have more medical issues.

Stop fat shaming. We can be healthy at every size.

LIES.

Health at Every Size wrote:

Obese America wrote:

Does he make you talk to the obese/overweight co-workers as well?

They likely have more medical issues.

Stop fat shaming. We can be healthy at every size.

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/health-at-every-size-lies/

That is a very good point which makes me question why his supervisor wants him to talk to the coworker and doesn't do it himself. It makes me wonder if he knows all too well that anything he says to her about her appearance could be misconstrued as sexual harassment like you have stated, and that he therefore wants work issue to do the talking so that he doesn't have to put his own neck on the line. Who knows.....

Dude, don't do it. Your supervisor is an ass!

This female coworker's supervisor should be the one to ask if everything is okay, not you. Or, better yet- Human Resources should ask, it's their job. Not your job to ask personal questions. Tell your supervisor to F-off.

jjthekid wrote:

That is a very good point which makes me question why his supervisor wants him to talk to the coworker and doesn't do it himself. It makes me wonder if he knows all too well that anything he says to her about her appearance could be misconstrued as sexual harassment like you have stated, and that he therefore wants work issue to do the talking so that he doesn't have to put his own neck on the line. Who knows.....

Everyone is 100% wrong about my boss. He is a completely good guy who is concerned about my coworker and he rightfully thinks she would open up to me before she would open up to anyone else at work.

Another woman came up to me at work and expressed concern about her weight loss. I used to it now and it doesn't seem that bad to me but I did look at some pictures of elite female marathon runners. She is thinner than they are.

I think I should say something in a very non-direct way. My boss would be much worse and he would make her feel like adminstration is coming down of her. It would be an official thing versus me being informal.

Based on looking at the Molly Huddle thread, Molly looks heavy compared to my coworker.

Why not just try to get her to eat by leaving bags of delicious Cheetos on her desk, in her car, in the conference room etc.

Don't say anything wrote:

I'm surprised I am the first to respond this way but here it goes. DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HER.

You aren't her supervisor and you aren't in HR as near as I can tell. Any comment at all regarding her body or her looks can be misconstrued as sexual harassment. She is an adult and is responsible for her own health and actions. It is the responsibility of her friends, family, and significant others to tell her that they are concerned for her. You don't have that relationship, so don't pretend you do. Tell your supervisor you are uncomfortable getting involved her her personal life if they ask you to intervene. Any type of interference on your own accord is asking for trouble.

And then the OP gets fired for insubordination. OP, your supervisor has placed you in an unwinnable situation. What did you do to piss him off???

Health at Every Size wrote:

Obese America wrote:

Does he make you talk to the obese/overweight co-workers as well?

They likely have more medical issues.

Stop fat shaming. We can be healthy at every size.

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/health-at-every-size-lies/

Obviously he doesn't talk to his obese/overweight co-workers. He wouldn't get ANY of his work done...

Make America skinny again! Vote for KALE!

Honestly I think everyone is blowing this way out of proportion.

OP- I was that female at work who was already thin and exercised a lot and unfortunately ended up losing 10-15 more lbs due to a medical issue (chrohns disease). I started to look unhealthy and people were concerned. no one said anything initially because I looked happy, was still exercising, etc. but 2 of my coworkers (who I wasn't super close with) finally did say something..but in a genuinely caring way, just to make sure everything was okay. I didn't take offense at all and actually appreciated them actually caring. One was male and I would have never thought about sexual harassment. Sure I didn't go into great detail about my condition, but just let them know that was why I lost weight.

I'm not saying she has a medical condition, for all anyone knows, maybe she is exercising way too much. Either way though, I don't see any problem in expressing concern. If she doesn't want to talk about it, leave it at that. But she may actually be appreciative.