I have a theory regarding the dominance of East African distance runners. It has nothing to do with altitude, running back and forth to school as a child, or ugali. The advantage is the name. When some guy from Jersey lines up against a fellow named Kiptoo Korrir, the Jersey guy thinks ?uh-oh?. That?s two strikes against him and the gun hasn?t even gone off. This came to mind the other day as I was reading George Carlin's book Brain Droppings. He has a bit in there about people's names. For example, would WW II have turned out differently if we'd been fighting Skip Hitler? That got me to thinking about history in general:
Would we have entered WW II if our chief ally was Doogie Churchill? In a fight between Skip Hitler and Doogie Churchill, would it all be over the moment Bronco Roosevelt showed up?
Would the Civil War have been different if we were led by Leslie Lincoln and the president of the confederacy was Scooter Davis? Would the national character of our country be a little different if our first president was Roscoe Washington? I think so.
What if men such as Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Paine, and Benjamin Franklin had first names like Nick, Dick, and Louie? Or the same names as the Marx brothers? "Groucho Hamilton I'd like you to meet Zeppo Paine, and over here is Chico Franklin." If instead of Theodore, our 26th president had been named Harpo Roosevelt, would that make Mount Rushmore more entertaining to view?
Did Thomas Jefferson's mother call him Tommy? "Tommy Jefferson you get in this house this minute!" What would it be like if he ran into an old friend while he was president? "Hey, Tommy J., how's it hanging? How's the wife? How's things at Monticello?"
What if everyone called Napoleon "Tremaine"?
Imagine the great physicist Neils Bohr sitting home one Sunday morning reading the paper when he gets a phone call from an associate: "Dr. Bohr, I've just read the most fascinating paper on Special Relativity. You must see it!" Bohr replies "Who's the author?" The associate says "Lenny Einstein". "Yeah, riiiight," says Bohr, "I'll call you tomorrow, I'm kinda busy with the comics right now."
Would anyone think differently if the famous Russian leader had been named Ethel the Great? What if Ghandi had a different name? Could you imagine millions of Indians following Mahatma Lipschitz?
Would the Roman citizenry have been as terrorized if they knew they were about to be invaded by Timmy the Hun? "Run for your lives! Timmy the Hun is coming!" "Hmmmm, Timmy the Hun you say? I'm gonna make a sandwich-I'll catch up with you later."