wanna leave wife..fed up

Here is a different side. My wife and I were both runners and were fairly competitive when we were younger.

We were social friends with several other running couples and the standard complaint across the board from those wives was that their husbands were pretty much sexless. Most divorced; spouse after spouse said that they were so turned off by their nearly capon husbands that they just rejected sex all together. And the husbands complained of not getting any sex - wives saying their husbands could barely get it up and it was over in 90 seconds.

Does running substantially lower testosterone levels in men? It must. Maybe that is why they are so thin and have no upper boy strength or muscle. Women normally don't reject horny, sexy men. Points to ponder.

If this were a Disney movie Taylor Swift would play as you knife her.

Dude, any guy who gets marrid before he's 30 is a schmuck. And getting married at 40 is far better than getting married at 30 -- especially if you find a bride a good 10 years younger than you. Guys don't have a biological clock to worry about, and if a guy is successful and stays in reasonbly decent shape, he's going to be a more attractive catch at 40 than at 30. My advice, have fun while you're young. Once you get hitched and have kids, your life isn't your own anymore.

Cal Atty wrote:

Dude, any guy who gets marrid before he's 30 is a schmuck. And getting married at 40 is far better than getting married at 30 -- especially if you find a bride a good 10 years younger than you. Guys don't have a biological clock to worry about, and if a guy is successful and stays in reasonbly decent shape, he's going to be a more attractive catch at 40 than at 30. My advice, have fun while you're young. Once you get hitched and have kids, your life isn't your own anymore.

Pay attention to every word that Cal Atty wrote here.

He is 100% correct. I have been proselytizing the same thing ever since i got divorced. DO NOT THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BEFORE 30!!!!

Funny thing is a have a few friends that really only will date girls that are divorced because those girls seem to be more willing to have sex more then the girls that weren't. And they also said divorced girls give you much more freedom. Weird because most people get divorced for those reasons.

OP, do NOT succumb to temptation/frustration and start an affair while you're still married. Even in a "no-fault" situation--if your State has that option--you will still get screwed (metaphorically) if you're getting screwed (literally) by someone not your wife.

I, too, am unfortunately in a loveless (and nearly sexless) marriage with a woman who was absolutely wonderful until our kids were born, after which she turned to alcohol and has made everyone's existence, including her own, hellish.

There's no way I'll split with her while the kids are still in school--the court would doubtless award her custody, condemning the kids to even more misery than they're in now--but it's safe to say that once they're out of HS (another four or five years, depending on how many more courses they fail), I'll be ready to leave and let my wife focus on spending her time with Al.

[Sorry, didn't finish post! Continued:]

Until then, however, I am definitely going to abide by the law and my vows as best I'm able, and that means keeping it in my pants a while longer. Not so tough--I've had a fair amount of practice, these last X years...

I feel all the guys' pain who are on here venting. I know for sure I could have been in the same boat based on chicks I've dated and stupid decisions I've made before. However........ I got extremely lucky. I married a women smarter than me, waaaaaaay richer than me (more on that later), nicer than me, and equal to me looks-wise (though I am in better shape). Did I mention she was a virgin when we started dating? Did I mention she had a trust fund worth millions that she never had even touched yet, and that I didn't even know existed? And she likes sex. She is no superfreak in bed, but hey, I think married sex will get a tad boring no matter who you marry. Of course I wouldn't mind banging a young hottie now and then, but..... I am smart enough not to blow this.

She is super-cool, super rich, very successful, extremely smart, quite pretty (not saying perfect 10, but neither am I), and just a great, laid back person. I am much more moody than she is.

I hit the jackpot. I never married because of her money, I didn't even know she had it.

Sometimes we get lucky. Keep the faith.

bummed wrote:

after 15 years, im about done. i know this is the wrong place to vent...just fed up with zero sex, complaining, no companionship...just drudgery every day.

i make almost 100k per year, home every night, great job, we travel, got 100's of thousands of bucks saved, been savin all my life, law abidin never been arrested........and nothin else.....she hates sex....friggin hates me but likes the house, money, cars, travel, etc....we go on cruises, vegas, etc and no sex...nada, nothing......

i'd go for a broke starbucks cashier if she were friendly, enjoyed my company and wanted to have fun and travel......unreal.

marriage is way overated.....guys...dont do it, stay single and enjoy life. wives wanna be your mom..and after 15 years...thats about what you get. im 40ish...not 70ish....

I can see were your coming from but I want to encourage you to take a new perspective. Instead of focusing on whats wrong with her, have you tried to find ways to build attraction in your relationship? Even though you are married, you still have to keep your relationship fresh. It is so easy to get too relaxed in a relationship which results in dullness and a lack of attraction.

Instead of questioning what is wrong with her, try to start building attraction with her again as if you just started dating. This does not mean buying her things and being overly nice to her. Instead flirt with her, make fun of a few of her quarks, be funny, just try to bring back that exitement and mystery that was once there. Nothing will change if you just keep the pattern. Just because a woman is married doesn't mean that the way she builds attraction and loses it has changed.

So your advice is...next time be lucky? This is SOOO helpful to the OP.

sorry to be contrary wrote:

I hit the jackpot. I never married because of her money, I didn't even know she had it.

Sometimes we get lucky. Keep the faith.

The basic problem is this: a marriage contract is basically handing her your balls and wallet on a platter. Once she has these, why would she ever want sex with your capitulated a$$ ever again?

Yeah right. I'll bet you are a real prize.

Parthenon, my wife wants to have sex with me because I am a real man in her eyes. Stop being a whiny little bitch (and that goes for most of the posters on this thread) and be a real man - not that hard, and your wife might find you more attractive.

What is wrong with runners, they can't relate to women or hetero sex?

I was married briefly in my 20s. I love my single life and have no intentions of ever getting married again.

I am hoping to retire at about 50 and then I can enjoy my life even more.

These stories like the OP just reinforce my belief.

40s guy. You just reinforced what I just said.

To each your own. You are obviously happy. Stay that way. Sex isn't everything to some of you.

This is a great thread. I wish all letsrun threads were this constructive and thoughtful. I too was married in my 20's to a miserable woman who started withholding sex/love/affection shortly after we married. I was lucky to get out after 3 long years (no kids or debt). I thoroughly enjoyed being single until I was 37. Then I married an amazing woman who loves sex and understands how to make marriage work. We now have two amazing kids and life is wonderfully fulfilling. Look, there ARE good women out there. Actually, I think there are lots of them. But there are also miserable ones. Go find a good one. Withholding sex and affection is a gross violation of the marriage contract.

So, to the original poster; I feel your pain brother. It's over and you know it. Ignore the terrible advice to work it out with her. Life is way too short. My advice is to carefully prepare your exit strategy. Hire a great lawyer now. Don't let her see it coming. Protect what assets you can. Pay off and immediately cancel your credit cards. Based on what you said about her, she's going to try to gut you. Good luck.

Was your wife ever into sex? Some women and men just have low sex drives. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 8 years and have two small children. We still have sex almost every day and often twice a day on the weekends. I've always had a very strong sex drive. My advice to the men on this board is to marry a woman with a good sex drive. I'd say about 1/3 of my married friends aren't in to sex and pretty much only have sex when they are trying to conceive. I feel bad for their husbands.

My other question though--is do you do anything thoughtful for your wife? Have you both given up? If you put some extra effort into your relationship, she may put in more effort, too. Do extra around the house, send her flowers, try to be extra helpful and caring. See if her attitude changes.

Marriage isn't always easy, and it is important for both of you to put in an effort. It really pays off. You both end up being happy, and that kind of feeds on itself.

This poster is right on the $$$:

Ignore the "work it out, be nice to her" BS. It will only make things worse, making her think you are her trained little doggy. She cuts you off ... and you bring her flowers. Talk about rewarding crap behavior!

bump...enjoyed reading this like post nuptial shutoff thread.

woman wrote:

Marriage isn't always easy, and it is important for both of you to put in an effort. It really pays off. You both end up being happy, and that kind of feeds on itself.

After some time of one-sided efforts I realized it shouldn't be done like that. Both have to show love. Both have to, as you said, put in an effort.