Seeking advice on raising high level athletic children

The club parents with the "star" kids are the worst. The other parents do behave because they haven't forced themselves into the in-crowd of the club. Those are the dads that run around like peacocks about their own kid, singing his praises and talking about how great he is while complaining about other people's kids sucking at their position. The ones who always have lunch with the coaches at tournaments.

The thing you are looking at is pushing on a string and hoping to find a needle in a haystack at the same time.

The best athletes can come from anywhere and leadership and opportunity find them. Sometimes they come from families with ideas like yours, but what I describe is way more common amongst dedicated youth sports families.

My kid chose mountain biking when we gave him his first little tike bike with training wheels. We didn't know then but he never stopped riding and engaging in mountain biking ever. He is just another good rider and a great person and student. He likes the balance. I knew another of my sons had the most potential as a baseball guy or football guy. My wife says no to football and who would argue with that? He was a stud hitter and fearless on the field even in his first season starting late, in the 4th grade, with very little time with the ball ever. He didn't like the dynamic and liked soccer more. I knew he was going to be too big and a little slow for soccer and told him, but he wanted to do that and we let him do it and he was good, team captain all of that, until it was becoming evident that he was getting too big and slow to enjoy playing club soccer. HE doesn't regret any of it one bit. I am sure he appreciates the time we put into supporting what he wanted to do rather than what I and others saw his very large potential in, baseball. My other son is a "nerd" and he doesn't regret that one bit either.

brien evans wrote:

All the replies up until this very reply are from losers with kids who are going to hate them later on in life for making them mediocre at everything.

Sure. Don't push your kids. Be their friends. In other countries where they don't have this pussification of society, they are pushing their kids, and they're eating our lunch.

Your kids are going to lose out on scholarships to Nambian runners, Australian kickers, and Ukrainian tennis players.

You all caused this.

M A G A

Runner10287 wrote:

brien evans wrote:

All the replies up until this very reply are from losers with kids who are going to hate them later on in life for making them mediocre at everything.

Sure. Don't push your kids. Be their friends. In other countries where they don't have this pussification of society, they are pushing their kids, and they're eating our lunch.

Your kids are going to lose out on scholarships to Nambian runners, Australian kickers, and Ukrainian tennis players.

You all caused this.

M A G A

More like

Make Your Kids Great Again

More like make sure you never see or hear from your kids when they become adults. Not even a phone call

on Christmas.

Runner10287 wrote:

More like make sure you never see or hear from your kids when they become adults. Not even a phone call

on Christmas.

More than likely because they have gainful careers making millions of dollars being leaders in their respective sports. Except running. Nobody should raise broke runners.

brien evans wrote:

Runner10287 wrote:

More like make sure you never see or hear from your kids when they become adults. Not even a phone call

on Christmas.

More than likely because they have gainful careers making millions of dollars being leaders in their respective sports. Except running. Nobody should raise broke runners.

Aaron Rodgers likes this.

Runner10287 wrote:

brien evans wrote:

More than likely because they have gainful careers making millions of dollars being leaders in their respective sports. Except running. Nobody should raise broke runners.

Aaron Rodgers likes this.

Ask Aaron if he would rather trade places with your broke kid.

Sounds like you're intentionally handicapping your kid to make yourself feel better. I would rather prepare them for real life.

I don’t have any kids.

First, at that young of an age, you have a lot of control and I would say expose them to as many play opportunities as possible. Let them guide how much they want to do. If they want to kick the soccer ball around, go kick it around. Don't worry about teaching them how to do it, just let them do it and have fun.

Second, I would say enroll them in a gymnastics class to learn some basic movement skills. Ideally they learn a little about jumping, landing, and tumbling. Learning how to fall is a really, really good skill.

Focus on effort and process and not outcomes. There is a range between cheering for them lacing up their cleats (now if that is how they learn to tie their shoes then some celebration of them doing it the first time is warranted) and never giving them encouragement.

Have them play a lot of sports and give them the equipment just to go out on their own and PLAY!!!!! Have all sorts of balls around (sized appropriately) and let them just pick one up and PLAY. If they are shooting the soccer ball into the goal, let them.

They are 6 and 8, if you are getting on them for making a bad play then you really should not be a parent. Also, unless you are the coach, do not coach from the bleachers. Yelling instructions at your child is one of the many stupid things parents do.

Praise effort. A kid (or adult) can do everything "right" and the outcome can still be negative. I can hit a beautiful forehand and if my tennis opponent cheats that way and volleys it into the net, I still hit a great forehand.

Set up a climate that recognizes "failure" and mistakes as part of the learning process. If a kid fears failing (and your reaction) they will not try new and challenging things.

I would say read up on the idea of the growth mindset, read Rob Gray's book on how we learn to move, check out Project Play. Also, here is some stuff from the USOPC.

I would also say check out

. It is a hockey site, but a lot of info is good for parents of other sports.

Slik Rik wrote:

I'm not insisting on D1. I'm seeking the advice from people that have been there and done that. I'm more interested in the process/approach those people think their parents took.

Your post sounds like you are. Like "give me the road map to making my kid a D1 athlete". Focus on process and not outcome.

Spend time teaching them math and science and let them play sports for fun, in clubs, intramurals, with their friends during the summer etc. They'll thank you when they are in their 20s.

I can't count the number of parents who I have seen blow a fortune on their kids' sports, only for their kid to end up selling cars or working at Costco. One of my coworkers spent close to $200k on her daughter's figure skating "career" from age 5-18 in the hopes she'd get a full ride to college. Fonking moron could've just paid for college with the $200k and let her kid take a once a week private lesson and gone to open skate for fun. The amount I see parents drop on hockey, football, baseball around here is depressing.

At least stick with cheaper/safer sports like T&F or swimming if absolutely necessary.

HRE wrote:

Your kids are 6 and 8. Nothing means anything before puberty matters no matter how good they are or aren't now. You mention hoping maybe they'll get a scholarship. Don't. Think about how you'll pay for college. If a scholarship comes along later it's a bonus. Don't get in the way of their enjoyment of a sport. Don't push them into one for your own ends. If you wife wants to cheer for everything they do let her. She should get to enjoy the sports they do in her way just as you should get to do it your way. Make the most of their sport lives NOW. There's no way to know what they'll want to do a few years down the road but they'll be more likely to stay with sports if they enjoy them.

I think I know what you mean about that first line, but I would argue a lot rides on what happens before puberty.

The drop out rates of youth at least in organized sports before 13 is around 70% and at 11 it is high as well. (This was pre-COVID). We are losing kids for a number of reasons. Coaches and parents placing too much emphasis on outcomes (winning) rather than development. Coaches sucking the fun out of sport with endless drills (games for understanding and to apply skills are way more fun).

There may be something to learning some skills well before puberty. There is this idea of "windows" where some things are optimized if taught during them (See Istvan Balyi's book on Long Term Athlete Development). This does not mean they have to be optimized then, but introduction seems important. "striking" sports (martial arts, fencing, baseball, golf, etc.) might be these situations. Not saying one should specialize in them, but that striking skill should be introduced.

So I would say that a ton of "training" before puberty may not play a direct role (except in a few sports like gymnastics) but what occurs before it does have an impact on if they love to move and be active for instance. Do they develop competence and confidence? Those can be instill at a young age.

coachy wrote:

Put them in multiple sports, encourage, enjoy, and don't ruin the sport for them with your pressure. Most kids quit sports around 14. No reason to push for "champions" when they are young if it burns them out. Doesn't mean they can't compete in sports and work hard.

Don't play "up" and play in the appropriate age group. Studies have shown that is what works best.

I will push back on this a little. Some kids mature physically faster than others. For some kids "playing up" will benefit them. For instance, if your soccer kid is the oldest kid in his/her age group AND physically matured fast then they might be able to run and dribble the ball down the field and be physical and score every time. What are they learning?

Let's say that is a U11 kid. Now put the kid in U13. Maybe he/she is not the biggest (and likely not the smallest). Now he/she cannot just outrun everyone. The play has to learned to dribble better, and do the skills necessary to be better.

I could say the same for track. A 1600m runner who just runs away from the field in middle school is not learning much. From time to time, get them in a race with other runners of similar ability to learn how to run in a pack, how to use different strategies. Maybe not every race, but give them a challenge.

I responded elsewhere on some potential benefits of "playing up". One thing this made me think of is the emotional development. It might be awkward to have a kid a lot younger than the others playing up. For instance, middle school and high school kids are hugely different. Just the conversations that go on are so different so that needs to be weighed in.

I would say on the meltdown thing: create a supportive environment. Warn the kid ahead of time, that playing with this group is going to be challenging and point out all the things he/she did well even if the outcome was not great. "I know you had the ball stolen, but what I liked was that you got back on defense immediately."

I agree that we THINK we know what's best but it isn't always. I didn't realize the studies that were out there. One of my kids played up when she was in soccer and then the next year she played her age group. Being in her age group was much more beneficial. I am just saying that parents should do their research and not assume that playing "up" is the best option to push their kids to be their best in the long term.

Soccer at 6 years old is essentially an individual sport. It's not like older divisions where you need to be on a team of similar abilities in order to grow. Kids that age shouldn't be worried about passing the ball or involving their teammates. Just teach them to be comfortable and confident with the ball in 1v1 situations. Also, "success" at that age is largely a function of focus and desire. Everyone eventually gets to the same level in those areas by U14 so it's irrelevant to judge talent based on that at 6 years old. Just put them in an environment where they are having fun and are encouraged to try and learn new things.

If you want to challenge them beyond that go out and pass the ball with them. Teach them to use their non dominant foot. Teach them to bring the ball down from the air. Teach them to juggle. Teach them footskills. These are all things that will help them grow in their soccer abilities. My kids loved playing soccer tennis and similar games at that age. Sure it's not really soccer but they are still significantly better than their peers at playing balls in the air with their feet years later.

"His mom was a coach but she never coached him. He would kick a ball with her when he learned to walk As a boy, he played squash with his father on Sundays. He dabbled in skiing, wrestling, swimming, and skateboarding. He played basketball, handball, tennis, table tennis, badminton over his neighbor's fence, and soccer at school. He would later give credit to the wide range of sports he played for helping him develop his athleticism and hand-eye coordination."

"He was a kid who loved to play. His parents had no particular athletic aspirations for him."

"We had no plan A, no plan B," his mother would later say.

This is taken from David Epstein's book

"Range, why generalists triumph in a specialized world"

The athlete is Roger Federer.

#1. Let kids choose. Nothing is worse than being at the end of the road: say college and quit in rebellion or burnout. After the ton of $ and time invested.

#2. Once kid choose something. Nudge them along. High quality training in whatever endeavor.

#3. There are natural bottlenecks. 5th grade checkin to get into middle school. 8th grade check in to get into high school. If a 9th grader can hang, make, participate with the varsity seniors - you really have something.

Every era is different. Every nuance is different. Find an expert at whatever stage, endeavor you are in. Ask for advice. Does kid have it. What do we work on next. Us parents think we know - but we don't know accurately enuf.

12th grade for college is the obvious big glorious public banner.

#4. But the real victory lap is the pros. It's so difficult a road you wonder if it's all worth it. Thee number one to get there have the kid find the wherewithal to give it their best. Fail. Re adjust. Try again. This cycle must be ingrained.

brien evans wrote:

All the replies up until this very reply are from losers with kids who are going to hate them later on in life for making them mediocre at everything.

Sure. Don't push your kids. Be their friends. In other countries where they don't have this pussification of society, they are pushing their kids, and they're eating our lunch.

Your kids are going to lose out on scholarships to Nambian runners, Australian kickers, and Ukrainian tennis players.

You all caused this.

And is there a reason this matters?