HELP! A decent college distance runner with insecurities about masculinity, body, and fatigue due to training.

Man, here is my history.

Was a mid level D1 guy. Weighed 160 at 6’2” in my running days.
I’m in my 40’s now and weigh 205 and stay pretty lean. Usually in the 11 to 12% bodyfat range.

I’ve gone back and for the between running and a more heavy weight style training many times just to cure boredom. So I’ve done the yo, yo thing between 175 to 210 multiple times. Always staying lean’ish.

For me personally, I have never seen much of a difference in how much attention I get from women based on size.

The times I’ve attracted the most women were the times my life was going great and I just gave off a fun and confident in where I was in life vibe. That has happened at 160lbs and has happened at 200+.

I have also gone on slumps where I attract nothing for durations at every weight.

For me, it’s all about confidence and what I’m putting out there. Doesn’t matter if I’m running 75 a week and skinny AF or a meat head.

I quit running and my testosterone levels went up my nearly 300 ng/dL. Started feeling more confident with some , having more sex, which leads to more confidence, hit the gym a lot.

I talked to a lot of girls when I was running but I was so uptight about training because I was running D1. Once I quit I was a lot less stressed and could be more fun

You sound bummed out. But if you make a few small changes, I bet you will feel much better.

First of all, regarding dating, you might want to hang-out women who are similarly into endurance sports. My teammates and I were all "skinny runners" but all ended up dating and marrying athletic women from the cross country team (or other teams). Our college culture was not really biased against "skinny guys" as much as it was and is against shy dorks and macho misogynists. Are you funny? Are you kind? Smart? Thoughtful?

As for feeling exhausted, I would suggest doing blood work. You might be very deficient in something. Do you eat a ton? We all ate massive amounts and slept a lot. Are you over training? You don't have to bulk up to have energy. Your libido should not drop from being skinny. It drops if you are over-training or malnourished.

p.s. It does help to have something else built into your training that does build upper body strength. For me, I swam. For most people, it was lifting or body-weight exercises like push-ups and pull-ups. You can do all of that without "bulking up" but it will make you feel much better.

This. This is correct, in my opinion. It is about how you feel when you are interacting with people that they pick up on. Not "are you skinny" or not. Heck, if that were true, young Leonardo Decaprio would not have ever gotten a single date...

Transitioning to middle distance would allow you to bulk up a little