Sorry all you trolls at Letsrun but the fact is Dave and Terrie have won. Yes, they have hit pay dirt, from now on the six figure monthly cheques will come rolling in. No more squalor, no more living on government handouts, no more sponging off the tax payers, from now on Dave and Terrie will be living the life of millionaires.
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Mums and Dads, may I present to you the blockbuster movie of the year:
SHINGLER’S LIMP
An epic tale of dedication, perseverance and determination that knows no limits, until a just after the start, at which point it all falls apart. This is a story so profound that only Hollywood’s greatest stars could do it justice. Yes, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have set aside their differences and come together to play the two central characters.
“This is an immense challenge,†said Brad, “I’ve had to recruit eight personal trainers to work on perfecting Dave’s running style. His – sorry, he’s – style is uniqueâ€
“Terrie is a woman who will challenge everything.†said Angelina, “The rules of marathons, the rules of LEJOG, the rules of grammar.â€
This is a story so compelling that only a supporting cast of England’s greatest thespians could do it justice. Featuring:
Sir Patrick Stewart as The Driver
Sir Ian McKellen as The Photographer
Sir Ian Holm as The Trainer
Dame Helen Mirren as The Driver’s Wife
Also featuring:
Mattressman as Himself
A group of orcs left over from the Lord of the Rings as The Letsrun posters
Mr. Bean as The Voice of Sanity
John O’Groats as A Figment of the Imagination
Yes, this is the movie you have been waiting for. Action packed from the first faltering steps to the last stumbling collapse. Though billed as 3 hours 12 minutes long it is in face longer, much, much longer. This movie has everything:
MORE twists and turns than a corkscrew museum
MORE electric bikes than a James Bond movie
MORE mattresses than a Hogwarts dormitory
MORE children than The Sound of Music
MORE blunders than a Theresa May election campaign
MORE faulty chips than a bad day at McDonald’s
This is a movie so immense that it could not be contained within one county. The action spreads from Norfolk to Cornwall to – er, well that’s it actually. Your emotions will be torn asunder by this epic event and you will suffer. Oh yes, you will suffer:
Feel the pain as the feet turn into yards as Dave struggles across Cornwall knowing that rest is only a mattress away.
Feel the excitement as the Letsrun sleuths stop watching endless Star Trek re-runs and start tracking down every mention of Dave and Terrie on the internet.
Feel the frustration as Terrie desperately tries to stop them.
The reviews are in and it’s unanimous:
“You will be amazed when you see Dave run.†The New York Times
“This makes The Odyssey look like a well-planned trip.†The Telegraph
“It’s Shakespeare in a blender, part Shylock, part Lear, part Hamlet and lots of Lady Macbeth.†The Observer
“Sounds like a conspiracy to me.†Alex Jones, InfoWars
“They’re still not a famous as me.†Mike Rossi
“This must refer to some other Hockering.†Hockering Parish Council
Yes, this story is so compelling, so exciting that a sequel is already in the planning. So, grab your popcorn and settle down for the movie event of the summer. You have been warned.