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| a chick |
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Understood. Sounds frustrating. It's frustrating for anyone not to get what you want, especially when you thought you were going to get it. What I want to convey is that you should not be going through a "song and dance" (i.e., being nice with the expectation of getting sex) everytime the "situation" (i.e., you want sex) comes up. My advice to be nice applies to all the time -- otherwise it's just a ploy, is not genuine. I'm sure most of you are nice to your wives, and are decent guys. However, everyone gets lazy the longer they're in a relationship -- men and women. You get lazy because you start to believe you're entitled. Men believe they're entitled to sex because why else did they get married? Women believe they are entitled to being treated like princesses by their husbands because why else did they get married? Think back to how you behaved BEFORE you were getting sex. What did you do together then? How did your treat your then-girlfriend? Do you still do those things together? Do you still treat her the same? You were nice to her because you HOPED you would someday get to have sex. When you got it, you were nice to her because you HOPED that you would keep getting it. You did not EXPECT it like you do now. Everyone puts their best foot forward to get what they want -- men act like perfect gentlemen, while women lure men in with the promise of sex. When you know you have each other, you get lazy and don't do those things anymore -- then you get resentful because your partner isn't doing what they used to do -- and then you are at a stalemate. Entitlement is never a good thing -- it makes you lazy and resentful. |
| anEconomist |
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Ha ha, that made me laugh. Probably because it isn't that much of an exaggeration :-)
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| blackboard |
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I agree with a chick 100%. i also think women are wired a bit differntly with regards to sex. you gotta plant the seed in her head for a while that you actually want it. telling her when and how you want it would help too. when she starts thinking about it, it becomes more appealing. the warmup also needs to be appropriately timed. don't start getting warmed up then on then sit back and watch some blow em up action flick for 2 hours and expect her to still be into after. ain't going to happen. |
| sorry to hear sad stories |
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feelings are mutual...we spend free time away from TV sports, taking walks, hiking, out for dinner etc, even with 3 teens at home. The non-post-nuptial shutoff seems to be a result of working hard at de-stressing together and sharing our lives. I would say I drive things a tad more than she does but not by much. Thanks for asking....we kind of get into a pattern, Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays, her day off from work. |
| Laker Jack |
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Thank you for 1. proving my point 2. misunderstanding and assuming an awful lot in your response One odd item. My wife and I, and I don't have complaints about our sex life other than the one point, missed to a large degree, get together a few times a week. Lately we've been going through a lot of stress with my oldest son who has had some severe behavioral issues in school, at home and out in the street. Taxing to say the least. My wife has been oddly aggressive sexually lately...I'll put it as she's almost approaching sex like a guy either does or hopes women do and that is that they just want to do it and skip all of the emotional precursor. My guess is that the emotion that is being "skipped" really isn't and it's all wrapped up in that we're on a very common and emotional path right now. It's something that is probably not sustainable over the long haul. |
| pittman |
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________________________________________________________ Ray Ramano, the comedian once said " when having sex with your wife, if you really want to show her you care, just close your eyes and pretend it's the babysitter!" |
| Try It |
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Keep it real. |
| Smitten |
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Fantastic! My research is intact! Wejo, could you get rid of those copycat threads? |
| Daddy |
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Just make sure the sitter is 18, and give her a good tip. |
| Sad |
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I like sex and would like to have sex more often but my husband isn't interested. He puts me down a lot and I end up apologizing for things all the time so I thought maybe he wanted someone more assertive, that that would be more attractive to him and then he would be more interested in sex. But that tactic was a big mistake on my part. It's funny how differently men and women are wired though because even though he hurts my feelings so much and sometimes I don't like him at all, I really want to have sex with him because it is the one way I feel like I can be close to him again. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I want to have more sex for the act of it that I enjoy, but also, I want to have more sex because it is a way I can feel close to my husband. |
| midwesta |
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| not so bitter divorced guy |
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Yeah, read the story carefully, states the women would choose to go 2 weeks without. 2 weeks, that's not a shut-off, hell that is not even a break. 2 weeks would be increased frequency. |
| need data |
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merry christmas |
| Laura Petrie |
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Happy Hanukkah! |
| studmuffin |
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First, you live in dream land. People are not perfect, and no one is going to be extra nice to their partner all the time, which always leaves you with the out of saying "you were just doing it to get sex" when your SO does something nice for you and then expects sex in return. The problem with your system is, men will expect the extra tasks they perform to lead to sex, whereas women are just going to be appreciative of them and say thank you (if that) and not associate them with sex in any way, thereby leading to the men growing resentful. There has to be quid pro quo, and if the woman isn't doing her part, that's an issue; the husband shouldn't go on fulfilling all the wife's needs in the hopes she'll someday come around (she won't). That's called being a sucker. |
| Dr. Sheehan |
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First, you live in dream land. People are not perfect, and no one is going to be extra nice to their partner all the time, which always leaves you with the out of saying "you were just doing it to get sex" when your SO does something nice for you and then expects sex in return. The problem with your system is, men will expect the extra tasks they perform to lead to sex, whereas women are just going to be appreciative of them and say thank you (if that) and not associate them with sex in any way, thereby leading to the men growing resentful. There has to be quid pro quo, and if the woman isn't doing her part, that's an issue; the husband shouldn't go on fulfilling all the wife's needs in the hopes she'll someday come around (she won't). That's called being a sucker.[/quote] I had to reread the post by "a chick" a couple of times before I confirmed that it was the single most obnoxious post in the thread. |
| need data |
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Happy New Year and good luck to all of you seeking...errr...whatever in '09 :) |
| Voter |
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"Entitlement is never a good thing -- it makes you lazy and resentful." NOW I understand minorities and Okrah. |
| Marty H |
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I wish everyone a happy, healthy and sane New Year! |
| Cheers! |
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Marty H, So let me get this straight... When you said you had clients other than Cornfield Boy, you were referring to the victims of the unsolicited financial advice you spew around on Letsrun. When you said you were coaching a few guys, you were really just hanging out on Letsrun throwing in your two cents. When you sent me this or that link "from a friend", you were really referring to one of your many anonymous Letsrun "friends", and when you bragged about all of the women you were "gettin some" from, you were really talking about the fantasy women you created on Letsrun. We truly do hope you will find the sanity you seek in 2009, but if MBK was just someone you plucked off the internet, and my guess is she was, you will continue to have a rough go of it with the mental health issues. Of course it might help if you were able to muster up enough courage to SPEAK INTO THE PHONE! Happy New Year! |
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