Falling in love with my training partner? Advice?

I have made this same mistake before in the past and let me tell you it doesn’t work out. I was further in my than you were, married early 20s but got in too early with someone who wasn’t right for me. So for starters the question is do you really want to get married? If you are doing it because you think you should and don’t want to disappoint your fiancée or her family don’t do it. I did the she is just a friend, we just train together some, late nights and hours of texting with her because I wasn’t satisfied with my relationship and while the girl wasn’t the reason for leaving she was enough of a force to play a role. So look at what is either driving you towards this girl or what is keeping you from wanting to be closer to the girl you are with. You’ve got some tough decisions to make. Don’t do it blindly.

Sounds like an Antonio Brown situation brewing.

If my fiancee was texting back and fourth for hours with someone of the opposite sex, they would no longer be my fiancee.

6/10 - I like the obvious outing of yourself as a troll in the last paragraph...Pics, get too fast, discus....very good.

However, if that's just to lighten your situation a bit, here's my $0.02.

Does your fiancé know you are texting that much with your training partner? Would you be embarrassed if she did know? If your fiancé doesn't know, and you don't want her to know - then that's a huge red flag. You're having an emotional affair in that case.

And, let's assume you are having an emotional affair, you need to do two things immediately - talk to your fiancé and let her know what you've been doing - and apologize meaningfully to her. She needs to decide whether she can trust you. I'd imagine that she'll probably dump you. Oh, and she WILL find out about all the texting, whether she gets access to your phone for some reason, or her and your training partner talk often.

Quit training with your training partner - as you ARE destroying her relationship with her SO by violating his trust in her. She needs to figure out - on her own - what the heck she's doing too.

Once you do that, go figure out who you really are and what you want. It's obvious you don't want to be engaged, because your behavior is opposite of that. And you probably don't really want to date your training partner, but the fact that she's reciprocating and attentive has you infatuated. Don't let your little head do your thinking.

Chances are as you are guy and don’t understand that some women just like a companion and training partner.. u are completely over analyzing things and your training partner has zero interest in you.

For some reason it sounds like speed goggles that won’t translate outside of running. You have to decide whether this is worth it to you.

Who the hell still gets engaged and has a fiancee?

It's always better to ask forgiveness then ask permission!

Need four pics of all involved to make an informed decision.

captialsea wrote:

Jerome S wrote:

You know, I don't know the exact pronunciation but I believe its Menage a trois.

The thread should have ended here

agreed. although there are some outstanding replies in this thread.

If you're texting for 'hours' with anyone, you're not ready for marriage, or adulthood.

Is this really "love"? How much of this is just a function of familiarity over time spent with someone? I mean if you spend enough time with someone then you can develop feelings that may seem like romantic love but a more likely agape love. In this case you seem like you would like to tack on some physical benefits to that agape love.

Lessons in life are repeated until they are learned.

This is a test of your commitment to your fiancee/future wife. Do you really want to go there and ruin a good thing? You having a good running partner and a good friend who probably doesn't feel like fucking you and will likely get creeped out if they knew you'd want to also bang her brains out? Risk that for some likely mis-placed feelings? Stupid is what stupid does.

The difference between men and boys? Self control. Men recognize that we have feelings that should not be acted upon because they have integrity and their self-respect, honor and commitment means something . Boys act impulsively and don't care what they wreck in their wake.

"Falling in love" is just a feeling - totally devoid of meaning.

The fact that you are "falling in love" is completely irrelevant to literally everything.

If you can comprehend that then you are a more advanced being than 99% of humanity. And you will have no issue at all.

///

Stop taking your feelings seriously.

Down south wrote:

Who the hell still gets engaged and has a fiancee?

These days, "fiancee" has become a code word for "someone I'm never going to marry." I think it came into use as people tried to avoid being shamed for shacking up. Frequently you come across fiancees of 5 to 10 years with several kids. There is never going to be a marriage. No ring, no date, no actual engagement.

Everyone has infatuations. Learn to recognize and even enjoy them, but do not ever act on them - or your life could become truly miserable. I have personally witnessed the terrible destruction of friends’ lives that occurs when people do act.

Fake an injury. Say it's your knee. take a couple weeks off of running with the training partner and see how you feel at the end of those two weeks. Try not to text her much besides maybe updates with the injury. Then slowly get back into it, but skip a few days here and there because of "the knee". Tell her you hurt it stepping out of bed in the morning at a weird angle, and eventually you won't be running with her everyday and no one will know anything suspicious.

When your "knee" is ready to get back into training, tell your training partner you might try a couple runs with your fiance to test it out and that will give her the hint that you are picking your fiance over her. Maybe get a long run once a week with her or start having your wife meet up with her and her boyfriend to run as a group or at least at the same time.

Moo Goo wrote:

You're pathetic.

THIS

This is why it is unwise for people in a committed relationship to spend large amounts of alone time with someone else of the opposite sex.

But since you are not married yet you have a decision to make:

1) Break off the training relationship (the infatuation will not go away on it's own), find a male running partner, and commit to your fiancee.

2) Break of the engagement, and pursue the training partner romantically. She is not married, and you have a lot in common.

I was is a similar situation at one point in my life. It did not resolve until one of the women was removed from my life. It sucked at the time, but looking back, I am much happier now.

seems to me a major question is whether you enjoy drama. If you enjoy drama, if you enjoy being pulled in two directions, if you like the messiness of that...then keep doing what you're doing. Just don't touch your training partner. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the fizzy sparks of male/female social relations. it's one of the great things on the planet.

But if you want a calm inner life, with questions settled, without overt temptation, with less drama, then stop it with one or the other.

There's no easy answer here. men and women were put on earth to fall in love with each other. Saying no to that is weird, from one perspective. People in perfectly fine marriages are always having crushes on other people. They simply don't act on it.