just anothe runner... wrote:
while they tend to work late in lab.
Dude if you're gay, it's cool. Just say "he."
just anothe runner... wrote:
while they tend to work late in lab.
Dude if you're gay, it's cool. Just say "he."
just anothe runner... wrote:
I was trying to be intentionally vague but we are both PhD students so I do work longer hours too, but I tend to start earlier and finish earlier while they tend to work late in lab.
Unless this is a polamorous relationship stop using 'they'.
These kind of questions always surprise me. 50 miles per week is roughly 50-60 min of running per day. Not that much exercise and time wise not much more than a doctor would recommend per day? Whether your a runner or not isn't it somewhat normal for people that are fairly in shape/active to go to the gym/exercise at least a couple times per week for the same amount of time it takes you to run roughly? If I was still in the dating scene I wouldn't want to date someone that doesn't exercise on a normal basis. If anything I would think it would be a plus that you are as active as you are? If she has a problem w you exercising 1 hr per day don't be surprised if she turns into a whale somewhere down the road. If you don't mind that's fine but apart from appearance that kind of attitude is really unhealthy and won't fair well in the long run.
If she works late can you not just run in the evening?
not a PhD wrote:
just anothe runner... wrote:
I was trying to be intentionally vague but we are both PhD students so I do work longer hours too, but I tend to start earlier and finish earlier while they tend to work late in lab.
Unless this is a polamorous relationship stop using 'they'.
Some people who are into that gender stuff use they to describe themselves . True story.
Lots of good advice here. If there are no kids involved then tbh it should be easy enough with a lite give and take.
Little ones make things tougher to fit in mileage, but with some early mornings, a baby jogger, and some give and take over scheduling, it can be made to work. I tend to put the older kid on his bike and the little one in the baby jogger to get in a 40 minute recovery run. Also, I have to accept that sometimes runs may be at 4 am or 10 pm. In a previous job we had a work gym. I once raised a few eyebrows with a 17:00 5k as a lunchtime workout, but you make things work where you can.
Pre kids, it just needs a little common sense. Remember the days when a Saturday hill session was the most important thing going on? Your gf's best friend's wedding outweighs that. You get the gist....
There are a lot of interesting things in this thread.
I'm like the guy who started the thread, but it took me a while to come to terms with precisely how important running was/is to me. I think you are in for a long journey finding out what running does for you and an even longer journey finding out what role it plays in your relationships. The one thing I cannot emphasize enough is that each woman will have a different take on your running and you will be wrong if you ever try to assume that's the way it is in a relationship just because your current lady thinks a particular way. Indeed, a bigger life lesson is that you should never assume anything in a relationship has to be one way just because it's that way with your current lady.
What I end up seeing are a lot of guys who decide running is important or family is important and they tend to sacrifice one for the other. Good for them if they can prioritize one over the other. But many of us still want both to be important. And so you do have some quite happy guys who run at 5am or 10pm so they can still spend significant awake time with their family. And then a lot of miserable guys who think both are important, but can't come through with putting a significant effort toward either. It has a lot to do with the kind of guy you are and the kind of woman/family you choose.
One thing about young relationships is that you both tend to focus on the idea that you might make each other happy. It takes many years to realize that happiness is mostly just your own mindset and that you alone are in charge of determining whether you feel happy.
I will tell you that with one woman I tried every compromise and sacrifice under the sun, it never made her happy, and I was foolish to sacrifice my happiness along the way.
I will tell you that with another woman she's fine with it as long as I'm there for our kids and I don't feel like I'm sacrificing that much to run at odd hours or pick and choose races based on the family's schedule.
I will tell you that even dating a runner does not guarantee understanding, because they may not prioritize running the way you do. Their motivations may not be the same.
Surprising question wrote:
These kind of questions always surprise me. 50 miles per week is roughly 50-60 min of running per day. Not that much exercise and time wise not much more than a doctor would recommend per day? Whether your a runner or not isn't it somewhat normal for people that are fairly in shape/active to go to the gym/exercise at least a couple times per week for the same amount of time it takes you to run roughly? If I was still in the dating scene I wouldn't want to date someone that doesn't exercise on a normal basis. If anything I would think it would be a plus that you are as active as you are? If she has a problem w you exercising 1 hr per day don't be surprised if she turns into a whale somewhere down the road. If you don't mind that's fine but apart from appearance that kind of attitude is really unhealthy and won't fair well in the long run.
Came here to post this exactly. If she has a problem with you working out for an hour (or less) a day then that's a huge red flag. I'm also not seeing how this is even remotely difficult to fit into your daily schedule. You said you currently get up at 7 to run, so I'm assuming you start work around 8:30 or 9 and are off around 5:30 or 6. So you have 4 hours after work until she gets home. Why not just run during that time and spend the morning with her?
I find that running more is inversely correllated with dating more. So this shouldn't be an issue in the first place.
If it's a pain now, without kids ,then how is it going to be with kids ?
sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdff wrote:
Now that we're married and have kids, I'm still running 90-100 mpw with plans to bump that higher in the future.
You are married and with 2 kids and run 90 to 100 mpw and are a recreational runner? Very impressive.
What are your PBs?
OP is a f-ing nerd. Why are you running 50 mpw if you aren't training for something legit? Also women that aren't runners like sex. Most guys like sex. It seems to work out.
rojo wrote:
sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdff wrote:
Now that we're married and have kids, I'm still running 90-100 mpw with plans to bump that higher in the future.
You are married and with 2 kids and run 90 to 100 mpw and are a recreational runner? Very impressive.
What are your PBs?
They're modest. Barely sub-4 1500 and a little under 15:00 for 5000. I'm transitioning to longer stuff, and while it's likely out of my wheelhouse, I'm an OTQ dreamer.
It's funny, after kid #1 I figured I'd never crack 70 mpw again. Little by little I started getting up a earlier, plus I got more efficient with my time in the mornings. That's continued until the morning runs are 12 miles and long runs 18-22. It only takes 1-2 evening runs to hit 100 on that schedule. 110-120 doesn't look so out of reach anymore.
moist wrote:
just anothe runner... wrote:
while they tend to work late in lab.
Dude if you're gay, it's cool. Just say "he."
I thought he was gay too... not that there's anything wrong with that.
I'm shocked that it took someone this long to say it. Actually, probably dozens of homophobic posts got deleted...
a word of advice wrote:
dump her as soon as possible. go sub 4. the females will follow.
This is what I did to good ol' Katie, i've had no regrets since.
ChadBrad wrote:
just another runner.... wrote:
I'm dating someone who I like a lot and think has serious long-term potential. We live fairly close by (and work very close to each other) so it made it easier to hang out a lot. However, they will sometimes work late such as around 10 PM, and I've now been trying to get to sleep by 11 (or 11:30 at the latest) PM so I can be up at 7 to get in a run... initially sometimes I would hang out with them and it would hurt my sleep but I'm trying to amend that. I'm not training super seriously, around 50 mpw, but it's important to me because it plays a role in my happiness and starting my day right - I try to run earlier so while it's not as hot and I can get to the office at a good time.
Sometimes we will sleep in on weekends until late, but I'm starting to realize I prefer getting up early on weekends too to get my run in and then have a productive day and don't just like lying in bed for hours.
Anyone been in this situation? What was a good compromise?
She’s going to dump you. Two reasons: she works until 10pm but you think she’s the lazy one for sleeping in on weekend. The other is you think getting up at 7am is early.
At some point it’ll be clear you are a dopey loser compared to her, and she’ll look for an equal.
Go back to bodybuilding.com misc with your trash.
Just go run from wherever you're sleeping? If she's actually someone who you want to spend awhile with, she'll understand and groggily tell you to have fun, after asserting that you're weird as hell.
It's okay to have separate passions and at times have separate lives.
rojo wrote:
sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdff wrote:
Now that we're married and have kids, I'm still running 90-100 mpw with plans to bump that higher in the future.
You are married and with 2 kids and run 90 to 100 mpw and are a recreational runner? Very impressive.
What are your PBs?
Quick shoutout, my high school coach gets in 90-100 with 4 kids, he runs 2:30-2:40 routinely for a marathon.
sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdff wrote:
rojo wrote:
You are married and with 2 kids and run 90 to 100 mpw and are a recreational runner? Very impressive.
What are your PBs?
They're modest. Barely sub-4 1500 and a little under 15:00 for 5000. I'm transitioning to longer stuff, and while it's likely out of my wheelhouse, I'm an OTQ dreamer.
It's funny, after kid #1 I figured I'd never crack 70 mpw again. Little by little I started getting up a earlier, plus I got more efficient with my time in the mornings. That's continued until the morning runs are 12 miles and long runs 18-22. It only takes 1-2 evening runs to hit 100 on that schedule. 110-120 doesn't look so out of reach anymore.
Dude, don't be modest, those are much better than average times. You can get an OTQ.
Shoebacca wrote:
I will tell you that with one woman I tried every compromise and sacrifice under the sun, it never made her happy, and I was foolish to sacrifice my happiness along the way.
I had this experience as well at a phase in my life when I mistook good chemistry in a relationship with long term potential. Then woman I am happily married to is someone who supports and believes in my hopes and dreams, and let's me support and believe in hers. Not that it's always easy because it's not, but that's that type of woman I would tell any guy to look for (and vice versa).