No but you instruct him to move somewhere he can walk to and from a bar if thats what he wants to do with his life.
Do not result in an arrest for a family member. Ever.
No but you instruct him to move somewhere he can walk to and from a bar if thats what he wants to do with his life.
Do not result in an arrest for a family member. Ever.
I've lived long enough to have friends who have been killed by drunk drivers, those that have killed themselves by driving drunk, and those who have killed others. So, I say, yes you have a moral obligation to do something about this.
Maybe driving drunk is more the symptom and you need to get at the problem. Why is she drinking so much to begin with? Is there something else going on? Get her at a sober moment and let her know how troubled you are by this. Be part of the solution -- if she wants to seek help you'll go with her.
When it gets heated tell her you aren't doing this because you are a dick or controlling, but because you care so much about her and you genuinely think she is going to end up harming herself or others.
The bottom line in my view is she will change her behavior if she realizes it is the right thing to do, but probably won't if it is solely out of fear of getting in trouble or caught by the law.
It isn't easy. In the end, you really can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. But, figure out why she is drinking to excess in the first place.
at wits end wrote:
I don't drink hard liquor and have never really been drunk. This family member usually has 3 rounds. Martinis and all, not just beer or wine. If they weigh 130, how many hours til they should drive? Sounds like they are way over the limit. They say theyre just a little buzzed and drink plenty of water to help. I don't buy it. Cops always say buzzed driving is drunk driving.
Three drinks over two hours puts the offender under the legal limit. A breathalyzer may be educational for you too...
Bac calculator here:
http://mcwell.nd.edu/your-well-being/physical-well-being/alcohol/blood-alcohol-concentration/bac-calculator/Call from a payphone you moran.
Can anyone recommend a reliable breathalyzer? Amazon has some. Wide range of prices. Are these reliable? Any recommendations? Maybe if this person saw the data, they would realize they are over the limit.
Do they make one that can connect to a cell phone or something that can then send a message? Maybe stealth mode? I have no idea.
Also, can anyone recommend some resources I can read that might help me make a better case against what this family member is doing. I doubt it will work, but better to have facts on my side. Maybe MADD? or AA? I looked on the websites but don't really see much advice on how to influence someone who risks DUI.
Disable the car.
Snobby traveler wrote:
Three drinks over two hours puts the offender under the legal limit. A breathalyzer may be educational for you too...
Are you assuming that a martini contains a single shot of alcohol? This is likely not accurate. A single martini probably counts for ~3 "drinks."
Bactrack s80
This is a very high quality device.
Bought one myself after brother got second offense to help ensure i am never in that situation. Do not try to save a few bucks buying one from ebay. Buy it from the company.
There are many studies of people showing impaired driving when under the legal limit.
I'm of the opinion that if you can feel the effects of alcohol is a irresponsible to drive. I limit myself to one drink.
There's no reason to be a slave to the number in the law. Regardless of if she's over or under the limit, she is still putting lives at risk if she has drunk enough for it to be noticeable.
bubble sort: normally, I would never consider having a family member arrested. But this is risky behavior and repeated. And the person disregards any warnings. I don't want to overact, that's why I'm asking if others would ever do such a thing.
Not drunk driver: Backtrack s80. The amazon reviews look good but 10% give 1 star and claim it does'nt work. Is this thing the best there is? What do police departments use? I have no idea.
Harambe: agreed. A person can be under the number limit but still drunk and dangerous. And this family member keeps insisting they know what it "feels like" to be drunk and that they don't "feel" drunk. But martinis and such are drinks with hard liquor. I don't drink that stuff so I can't speak from experience.
Appreciate all the responses. Trying to figure out the best way to handle this.
at wits end wrote:
bubble sort: normally, I would never consider having a family member arrested. But this is risky behavior and repeated. And the person disregards any warnings. I don't want to overact, that's why I'm asking if others would ever do such a thing.
Not drunk driver: Backtrack s80. The amazon reviews look good but 10% give 1 star and claim it does'nt work. Is this thing the best there is? What do police departments use? I have no idea.
Harambe: agreed. A person can be under the number limit but still drunk and dangerous. And this family member keeps insisting they know what it "feels like" to be drunk and that they don't "feel" drunk. But martinis and such are drinks with hard liquor. I don't drink that stuff so I can't speak from experience.
Appreciate all the responses. Trying to figure out the best way to handle this.
Those 10% of bad reviews are probably from people who bought used bad or defective models. This is why i said buy it from the company brand new because youll get a great device and probably similar to what local police carry around.
Never had an issue with mine.
Yes I would call the police. The problem is my other family members would post bail and pay for his lawyer.
A bad thing about a breathilizer is that it might encourage this person to drink more. They claim to stop at 3 rounds to not get drunk. If they register at 0.5, they might start taking a 4th round. I don't know. Trying to think through all the ways this could turn out. Good or bad.
I have a couple friends who are local cops. I wonder if I could get some info from them on what to do. But I also don't want them to force me to turn this person in and then start a whole big thing before I'm ready. It's a big deal or I wouldn't make this post. But I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle this. The goal is to get the person to stop doing this. Not to win an argument or make a point.
at wits end wrote:
The goal is to get the person to stop doing this. Not to win an argument or make a point.
You don't want to tattle on your sibling. This is going to strain and perhaps destroy your relationship with this person.
Back off for a second before you start ruining siblings' lives.
There is a better way than calling the police. Avoid calling the police at all costs because they will likely only make this problem worse and an OWI/DUI charge is going to cost at a minimum $3000 to clean up once you figure in the towing, legal fines and lawyer costs.
Who is going to pay that?
Don't do it this way because you will alter the person's life for at least the near future. If that person tries to get a job or an apartment, their criminal record red flags everything.
at wits end wrote:
Not just a little buzzed, but like 6 drinks and this is a small person. And then driving sometimes an hour on the interstate. This family members blows it off as not really being drunk.
6 drinks isn't much at all, especially if this is over a few hours & they drink regularly. Come hangout in the bars in Madison Wi or any college town.
zzzzzzz wrote:
Tomato Tomato wrote:Then yes call the police, it is a hard lesson to learn but overallI think that getting a DUI is a much better alternative than killing someone else.
That assumes a DUI will be a wake-up call for this person. It may or may not be. For a lot of people with drinking problems, a DUI, or multiple DUIs, isn't a meaningful deterrent. People who need a driver's license to get around will keep driving after it's revoked. Etc.
I'm skeptical that pulling the criminal justice system into this will make things better for your family member. Personally, I wouldn't do it (if at all) until all other options are exhausted - repeatedly express concern about their drinking, suggest they go to rehab, etc. - which I assume you or members of your family have already done.
I understand the desire to try to control this person's actions before s/he hurts or kills someone else - but you can't. Ultimately it's their choice.
Ultimately her choice as well as the choice of any drunk driver until one of them kills someone and, that someone turns out to be your wife, sister, brother, father, son or daughter.
Found this on AA's site:
Governing Definition of Alcoholism
A.A. treats DUI offenders as people suffering from an illness which affects both the bodily and mental disposition of alcoholics. In this way, DUI offenders are not defined in the same way as they would be designated by the legal and judicial system, in terms of having committed individual offenses, but rather as being caught up in long-term behavior patterns.
I'm convinced that you have to approach this more at the source. Her problem is fundamentally a drinking problem. AA would help if you could get her to go... if she gets a DUI she might be mandated to go. That is the only way I see ratting on her working ... she gets mandated for AA and you go with her.
Step 1 is where you are caught: she needs to acknowledge the problem and that she needs help to overcome it. All the DUI's in the world won't change her until she does that.
I think maybe you should find a counselor via AA to talk to to find strategies to help convince her of this.
at wits end wrote:
Full story. We have a family member who keeps drinking and driving. Not just a little buzzed, but like 6 drinks and this is a small person. And then driving sometimes an hour on the interstate. This family members blows it off as not really being drunk. According to the tables, s/he is probably 2 or 3 times over the limit. We've tried everything to get this person to not do this before s/he kills someone.
I've actually thought about contacting the police so that the next time s/he is out drinking, they can trail the car and pull it over and arrest the person. I hate the thought of doing this but I had a friend killed by a drunk driver years ago. If this person had only done this once or twice, I would not think about doing this. But this person keeps doing this all the time.
Other ideas?
You obviously are leaning towards calling it in. Why do you need our permission to do so? Scared of feeling like a rat and need some convincing? Why don't you man up and just call it in then. Even if this chick is still driving after, at least YOU can rest easy that you took it to the end of your options. That's completely on her at that point. If it does so happen to work, then you did good. If she or other family members find out (or assume) it was you....who cares?? You seem to feel that you have strong moral implications to do what you gotta do. That should honestly trump any insecurities of family criticism. In fact, some might even secretly agree with you. If they really are your family they will also get over themselves. Best of luck.