How to help an anorexic teammate...

The best way to help your teammate is to talk to the coach and the rest of the team. Helping anyone is hard and probably fruitless. At least have the support of a group of people.

Out.

Feed her.

The problem is, if you approach someone about it, they are (most of the time) likely to freak out, be angry or defensive, and then unlikely to confide in you because their defense mechanisms have gone up, and they are angry at you for having brought up something they want to hide.

This might sound weird, but I would write them a letter.

Just say you are concerned and if they are struggling that you are always there to help. *People will only get well when they are ready*. I know when I was in the worst of my anorexia, doctors and so on intervening just got me pissed off at the doctors, and in a massive state of denial.

Phone her Parents - I had to do that once - I was very worried, but her parents appreciated me telling them - They had thought there was a problem but they too were not sure how to approach it - Anyway they spoke with her and convinced her to at least go a see a doctor/psychologist.

She is now fat and happy and does not run anymore..but at least has her health..

Eating disorders, particularly anorexia, are extremely difficult to overcome. Only very rarely can an anorexic change their ways on their own. Most who do recover do so through a combination of an inpatient period coupled with intensive therapy and then follow-up in a support-group setting. And even then....

I say this because you shouldn't feel as though you personally can make your friend better. That doesn't mean you shouldn't reach out. The idea of writing a letter is a good one. It will allow your friend to learn of your concern without a face to face confrontation. Chances are they may not say anything to you about your letter. Let it sit for a week and then, when you are sure to be alone, bring it up and ask if s/he read your letter and what his or her thoughts are about their health. After that, it is up to your friend.

You might want to contact your school's mental health services. Most colleges are well equipped to deal with eating disorders. A counselor can give you information on how to deal with your friend and how to deal with the impact of your concerns for your friend's health. I think that most high schools have similar counseling services. In general, whatever you say to a counselor is confidential.

Tyler wrote:

You might want to contact your school's mental health services. Most colleges are well equipped to deal with eating disorders. A counselor can give you information on how to deal with your friend and how to deal with the impact of your concerns for your friend's health. I think that most high schools have similar counseling services. In general, whatever you say to a counselor is confidential.

This is good advice. Forget the letter from an amateur because it could make things worse. Let a professional deal with it.

eeeeeeee wrote:

Tyler wrote:

You might want to contact your school's mental health services. Most colleges are well equipped to deal with eating disorders. A counselor can give you information on how to deal with your friend and how to deal with the impact of your concerns for your friend's health. I think that most high schools have similar counseling services. In general, whatever you say to a counselor is confidential.

This is good advice. Forget the letter from an amateur because it could make things worse. Let a professional deal with it.

I agree as well. I was an eating disorder peer adivsor in college and this is definitely the way to go.

Seriously, just let it go. It's not your problem. think for a second... you're just being a control freak, aren't you? I know, I've been on a team with rexos before, and I wanted to talk about it with everyone and confront her and everything, and it's really useless. I suggest you just worry about yourself, let the coach worry about the rexo, and stop being such a nosy control freak.

If this doesn't satisfy you, the only approach I have seen work with girls with problems worked both times it was tried. Screw compassion. Tell her she looks like shit. Telling a runner that she looks skinny is a compliment, trust me, I've been there. If you act concerned, she thinks you're just jealous or competative. Tell her she looks like shit and it might sink it. I've seen this work twice.

As long as she is not bullemic you should be able to trick her into eating stuff. Just starts hanging out with her a lot and when you get something just buy two and tell her they accidentally made two. She might then eat it. I did this a lot with milkshakes. It helped her out and now she is doing alright

I recommend telling her she is really fat, that should help her out immensely

As noted by others, the best advice is talk to the coach and/or the school nurse or nutrition or medical professionals and let them deal with it. I would most definitely NOT talk to teammates or parents behind the girl's back, as this can increase the social pressures and just make the problem worse.

One thing I do as a coach when everyone comes out for xc/track is hand out a list of weight for each inch in height that corresponds to a BMI of 18.5 (the minimum healthy weight by government standards). This has been very useful, as it puts it down in black and white: If you're below this figure, you're unhealthy. And in my program, the list is sacred. If you're caught below the listed minimum for your height, you're off the team, and the reason is communicated to the Principal. No exceptions.

do what i did wrote:

As long as she is not bullemic you should be able to trick her into eating stuff. Just starts hanging out with her a lot and when you get something just buy two and tell her they accidentally made two. She might then eat it. I did this a lot with milkshakes. It helped her out and now she is doing alright

Good for you. Glad to hear 'milkshakes' is doing alright.

I told the coach that a girl was going off the deep end once. He didn't believe me & told some of my teammates that I was not a credible source. Soon thereafter, her hair started to fall out. Part of me want to say "I told you so," but the rest of me wanted to punch him.

Speed kills do you check the men as well as the women under that standard?

Yes...its tough. A female runner I know is severly anorexic...but because she has had so much past success, when her anorexia was not as bad...no one seems to say or do a thing. I know there is not alot anyone but her can do....but its hard to watch someone destroy themselves.

I feel that the coach should at least make a attempt at communication in regards to the illness, or contact her parents who live at the other end of the country.

after being submerged in an environment with numerous female distance runners suffering from anorexia (yes i know males can suffer too) i've learned that all you can do as a friend is make her aware of your support, of your promise to help her and be there if she decides to get better. The ONLY person in the situation who can decide to get help, is the one with the disease in the first place. anorexia naturally involves extreme amounts of deceipt and excuses, but just make it clear (however you feel best) that when she wants your support, you are there. Somehow make her aware of the statistics of what happens AFTER that glory period when an anorexic is "running great"... what happens after is a long and dangerous adjustment the body has to make.

This is by far the best advice which is why a letter IS a good idea. Don't listen to the advice of anyone who suggests that you talk to OTHER people about her problem. That is for her to do. Your job is to offer support for her should she ever want to confide in you which, chances are, she will not.

In the rare event that she does ask you what to do...then that is the time to offer to help her contact professionals trained to deal with eating disorders. Not guidance counselors or coaches or any other hack but rather health care providers who work solely with people with eating disorders.

If it comes to that...then post again and I'd be happy to suggest the right venue.

Thank you to all who gave me meaningful advice (which was most everyone)!!! Now I better spend some time making a desicion on what to do: get professional help for my friend or write a letter to my friend and hope that it will lead to a positive outcome ie. my friend getting the help and support SHE needs. Its a hard desicion to make...there are alot of different results that could come out of this. Thanks again.