Married folks: How to do it?

I love how you trolls try to act like cheating isn't a big deal and could even be good for the marriage, but then want to keep it a secret from your spouse.

It is either deceptive cheating or it isn't. If you can justify cheating on the one person in this world with whom you made a vow to never cheat, go ahead and tell her about it. Why not? No big deal, right?

The best is that you people get all worked up about Kip Litton, Mike Rossi, Lance Armstrong and various other dopers and cheaters, but you think it is fine to cheat on your wife. Those guys cheat at sports.

Cheating is not directly breaking vows because nowhere in traditional wedding vows does it indicate monogamy. While I will never cheat on my husband, I want to point out this misconception. You are correct - it would be deceiving your spouse (but not breaking vows).

Let's define cheating then.

It's cheating because your wife is trying to control you into doing things for her by restricting the amount of sex she has with you.

If you have sex with another woman and it negates your wife's reward system, that's cheating.

No offense but you really are a moron.

1) Nobody is forced to believe anything. You are a moron for thinking that others are "forced to believe that monogamous relationships without a thought of infidelity is the *right* thing to do"

2) It is easy to have a tryst outside of marriage without the partner ever finding out if you are not a moron. But you are a moron so...

3) By having sex with another you are lying to your spouse (unless you tell them - but that does not seem to be the scenario that you are interested in). As such it can be said conclusively that you don't love your spouse (but then, you probably don't have any idea what love is). That would be sad except for the fact that you are a moron and really don't understand any of this.

What is wrong with you people? wrote:

I think the better question for all of you losers is "why are you married?"

Why get/stay married if you want to cheat?

Why does everyone think they need to get married?

It is not true that everyone thinks they need to get married. Stop being such a moron. It will probably help if you cease speaking for others and only speak for yourself.

Lawyered wrote:

Cheating is not directly breaking vows because nowhere in traditional wedding vows does it indicate monogamy. While I will never cheat on my husband, I want to point out this misconception. You are correct - it would be deceiving your spouse (but not breaking vows).

The traditional Catholic Vow, which I took, says:

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary "true" means "loyal or faithful". That was my promise. I'd have to be a real weasel to argue that this allows room for infidelity.

The fact you are so wishy washy about asking for help shows you are not man enough to handle either the guilt or the logistics of cheating on your partner.Why not just leave the person, you spineless twerp?

Wondererer wrote:

Hello, all.

I know every married person at some point of his/her life has wondered about heading over to the greener pasture. My question is, have you ever done it with someone and managed to cover it up and/or hide it from your partner? Is it that difficult or can it be done? I wanted to see if anyone has advice about this particular issue and has anyone ever done it without any problem coming up later?

This ^

Seriously, how could anything be more obvious?

Ask yourself the simple question: "Does your spouse have the right to know about your sexual activity with others while still married?" The answer is obvious. To choose to act against the obvious implication is to believe that your dick is more important than your spouse's basic rights.

Great marriage! (sarcasm)

Does Not Compute wrote:

I love how you trolls try to act like cheating isn't a big deal and could even be good for the marriage, but then want to keep it a secret from your spouse.

It is either deceptive cheating or it isn't. If you can justify cheating on the one person in this world with whom you made a vow to never cheat, go ahead and tell her about it. Why not? No big deal, right?

The best is that you people get all worked up about Kip Litton, Mike Rossi, Lance Armstrong and various other dopers and cheaters, but you think it is fine to cheat on your wife. Those guys cheat at sports.

Another adult ^

Wondererer wrote:

Hello, all.

I know every married person at some point of his/her life has wondered about heading over to the greener pasture. My question is, have you ever done it with someone and managed to cover it up and/or hide it from your partner? Is it that difficult or can it be done? I wanted to see if anyone has advice about this particular issue and has anyone ever done it without any problem coming up later?

Before I answer, are interested in:

(1) Just having a one-night stand?

(2) Having an ongoing affair?

(3) Ready to leave your wife but want to kick the tires a bit before you buy?

Thanks

Defining wrote:

Let's define cheating then.

It's cheating because your wife is trying to control you into doing things for her by restricting the amount of sex she has with you.

If you have sex with another woman and it negates your wife's reward system, that's cheating.

Whether or not "your wife is trying to control you..." is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you are withholding information from her that you know she has the right to.

Does your spouse have the right to know about your infidelities?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8982958/99-year-old-divorces-wife-after-he-discovered-1940s-affair.html

A 99 year old man divorced his wife of over 70 years after finding out she had an affair in the 1940s.

He seemed to be happy not knowing.

Ignorance is bliss.

Lawyered wrote:

Cheating is not directly breaking vows because nowhere in traditional wedding vows does it indicate monogamy. While I will never cheat on my husband, I want to point out this misconception. You are correct - it would be deceiving your spouse (but not breaking vows).

There are all kinds of wedding vows ... one common phrase I've heard many times at weddings is " .... forsaking all others ....".

OP - Why do you think they call it 'cheating'? Would you cut the course at a marathon? If you don't want to be monogamous then get divorced. End of story.

well.... wrote:

Lawyered wrote:

Cheating is not directly breaking vows because nowhere in traditional wedding vows does it indicate monogamy. While I will never cheat on my husband, I want to point out this misconception. You are correct - it would be deceiving your spouse (but not breaking vows).

The traditional Catholic Vow, which I took, says:

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary "true" means "loyal or faithful". That was my promise. I'd have to be a real weasel to argue that this allows room for infidelity.

Loyalty is not restricted to a single entity. Faithful is a synonym of loyal. It is possible to express loyalty to multiple beings, groups or institutions.

RacistX wrote:

Lawyered wrote:

Cheating is not directly breaking vows because nowhere in traditional wedding vows does it indicate monogamy. While I will never cheat on my husband, I want to point out this misconception. You are correct - it would be deceiving your spouse (but not breaking vows).

There are all kinds of wedding vows ... one common phrase I've heard many times at weddings is " .... forsaking all others ....".

OP - Why do you think they call it 'cheating'? Would you cut the course at a marathon? If you don't want to be monogamous then get divorced. End of story.

This whole subject explains why online porn is so popular, although some of you Born agains may think that is also cheating).

Wondererer wrote:

Hello, all.

I know every married person at some point of his/her life has wondered about heading over to the greener pasture. My question is, have you ever done it with someone and managed to cover it up and/or hide it from your partner? Is it that difficult or can it be done? I wanted to see if anyone has advice about this particular issue and has anyone ever done it without any problem coming up later?

I'll echo what others have said. If you want to have an affair, tell your wife first. If you don't have the balls to tell your wife, then don't have an affair. You think it's going to be a one time things, but it won't be. And if you try to cover it up, you WILL get caught.

Semantics wrote:

Loyalty is not restricted to a single entity. Faithful is a synonym of loyal. It is possible to express loyalty to multiple beings, groups or institutions.

^THIS^

E.O.T.

ScaryStuff wrote:

This whole subject explains why online porn is so popular, although some of you Born agains may think that is also cheating).

I am not Born Again, but what bothers me about the popularity of online porn is the possibility that the girls are being exploited, whether through sex trafficking, drug abuse, mental health issues, etc.

There is a forthcoming documentary that supposedly challenges this notion, and honestly, I hope that it is true.

The other issue is that boys get unrealistic expectations of what sex is like, which also hurts the women in their lives. I think parents need to take a more active role in talking to their kids about sex, because if Bang Bros is teaching kids what sex is like, it is no wonder that campus rapes are at an all-time high.

I try to be real with myself and recognize hypocrisy when I see it, whether it is politically, socially, etc. Porn is one of those thing that really bothers me on a number of levels, mainly because people seem to obviously ignore the harmful aspects. Kind of like lobbying and a lack of term limits in Congress.

Anyway, way off topic.

quite simple wrote:

Semantics wrote:

Loyalty is not restricted to a single entity. Faithful is a synonym of loyal. It is possible to express loyalty to multiple beings, groups or institutions.

^THIS^

E.O.T.

By all means, if you and your wife inserted another woman's name into the vows, it is 100% A-OK.

But you can't change the rules after the game is in play unless both parties are in agreement.