Is it normal to be MISERABLE in grad school?

Graduate school sucks- that's a fact. You are there for the sole purpose of supporting your mentor/department through novel, self-driven academic research. It is important to realize you are an expendable cog in the academic wheel. The bar is intentionally set high to weed out the dolts, the indolent, the fragile and the half-hearted. It's not meant to be a coddled, stress-free experience. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't.

Sounds like you want to drop out. Dropping out is noble. But then again if they're paying for it and you won't get kicked out, why not just half-ass it for the rest of the year and run a lot? Your BATNA to staying in the program is peacing out halfway so you might as well have a good time.

Grad school can be a great experience for some and for others it is a complete nightmare. If you are feeling bad now, wait till you write your thesis. I had several publications and my adviser would not let me graduate. He had me work on one grandiose idea which I showed couldn't work. That pissed him off and wasted two years of my life. The next thing he wanted me to work had been done before. He didn't know that until I found the result in some obscure Russian journal. Another year gone. After that he wanted me to work on another project which I was ultra suspicious had also been done before. Eventually I complained to the administration and was graduated on my own research which had been published in some pretty powerful journals. After I graduated I found out that yes indeed, his final project that he wanted me to write up had already been done by someone else. Had I done that for my thesis, my thesis would have probably not been approved by the other faculty and if it slipped by them, I would have looked like an idiot.

My advice is that unless you are going into academia or need the PhD for some reason, stop torturing yourself and quit. Life is too short. It is cool that I have a PhD and my research is in several textbooks. However, a PhD doesn't mean much in the job market. I have very mixed feelings about getting mine and I probably would be way better off financially had I just quit before wasting 5 years working with a moron.

Okay, so it's about a year later, and I came across this thread while I was actually looking for a different one, but I thought I'd give everyone an update.

I left the program I was in, and my life is now better in literally every single way. It's not that the program I was in was difficult; it was just a waste of time. I didn't "drop out" so much as I made a career move. I'm now learning more, earning more, making more connections with more powerful people, less stressed, getting more sleep, am appreciated for the work I'm doing, and am happier all-around. I think most people here and elsewhere have this idea that grad school is hard, and while it might be for a lot of people, it was not for me. School has never been hard for me. One of the biggest sources of frustration for me was actually that it was too elementary, that my fellow grad students were dimwits and the professors had little to offer me. I was also dealing with harassment, sabotage, and slander. Now that I'm on the outside and work for a private company, my bosses don't care if I'm kind of a weird guy or if I have my own ways of thinking. They are delighted to have a motivated individual who shows up to work every day, gets the job done, and improves the system before him to make it both faster and more accurate. The project I'm currently a part of would have collapsed without my involvement (or someone like me), and my superiors (and coworkers) recognize that. It's counter to how it is for most people, but academia actually stifled my creativity and did nothing positive for me. I left because I recognized this and knew staying another two years would be a waste of my time.

Overall, I think 90% of my problems were specific to the particular program I was in and a few very problematic people in it I was required to interact with, and I'm actually looking at other programs to possibly enroll in in another 1-3 years.

FWIW, the program I was in when I wrote my OP sort of collapsed the semester after I left. A number of students lost funding and quit, and those who stayed were left scrambling. It was a disaster. I got out before this happened, so I actually feel fortunate.

I do appreciate all the input I received in this thread (and the others like it). It was a horrible time in my life, one I never want to return to. Dear god. Good luck to everyone who reads this.

OP, I'm glad it turned out well for you. Grad school (four programs, all in very different fields: one DNF, three degrees) was not that bad for me, but I know that programs/colleges/departments/faculty vary widely and that sometimes the process is hellish--and often for precisely the reason you gave: a feeling, not so much that the work is hard, but that it's a waste. Fact is, you can never get back years of your life that are wasted.

Thanks for sparking this interesting thread. It might be helpful for others.

I guess I also want to say that none of the descriptions of grad school in this thread match up with what I was experiencing in mine, and I think that was a big part of my problem. I had a pretty solid idea of what to expect going into grad school as I had worked in academic research awhile and had many close friends in PhD programs. My own experience was almost nothing like what everyone says grad school is like, largely because of the specifics of the particular program I was in.

I actually very much want to go back to graduate school, so just somewhere else. I was micromanaged a great deal in the last program and even had people interfering in my personal life and trying to micromanage things in my personal life they had no business speaking on whatsoever. I also had so much worthless BS dumped on me that I had no time to do any research of my own or use any of my talents. It was horribly stifling. I feel that I could really flourish working with people who did not want to control every aspect of my life and instead allowed me some freedom. I have 1000X the freedom at my current job as I did in my grad program... Apparently my experience was relatively unique (save for the other students in the now mostly defunct program I was in).

No, being stressed and depressed is not normal, even if you don't like your masters program. Go see a doctor and get a complete work-up for your depression and anxiety. An antidepressant medication could change your view of your current situation. Good luck.

I'm in my second year of graduate school, and I've hated it since I've started. I would have quit already, but I can't seem to find a job. I'm only going to grad school, because it's a paycheck, even though the paycheck is absolutely pitiful. I would try to find anyway I can to get out of it, if you don't want to end up working in academics or as a post doc and getting underpaid and working long hours. It's not worth it, in my opinion. A master's degree is equivalent to two years of work experience. Why am I wasting my time being broke and miserable? Because I can't find a job. Why am I here? My brother never finished school and is making more money than I can dream of.

stressed and depressed wrote:

jjjjjjjjj wrote:

The 1st semester is the worst time in grad school for many. If you make it through the 1st semester, you'll see that it just gets easier. You have to raise your game significantly from undergraduate days. Then it turns out that graduate school may be the best time in your whole life. Enjoy it.

That's the problem. My grad program is NOT more rigorous than my undergrad situation (I double majored in two hard sciences and ran for my school). It's just a bunch of busy work, meetings, etc. I'm not actually learning much at all, and it just seems like it's taking up a ton of my time for nothing.

It’s super obnoxious to say this, but this is the downside to adulting. A LOT of it is not what it “should” be. You will become jaded and disillusioned if you don’t handle this with the right attitude. Of course, that might help your running though, so it’s not all bad.

I'm in my first semester of grad school, but am doing it online. Did my first course in 3 weeks, and on track to finishing my second course in 3 weeks, too. Gonna knock this thing out in a year without ever setting foot in a classroom to listen to some archaic bore drone on about stuff that has nothing to do with anything.

Win/win.

sounds like a grreeeeaaaatttt program.

where can I buy this degree?

It's almost three years since the OP last posted. I wonder if he/she ever did find another program? For me, the MS/MA level was ok but the PhD program was completely crazy. You are nothing but a slave to your mentoring professor and the others on your committee. Doing a PhD isn't worth it unless you are planning on a career in academia. You get more bang for your buck with a Master's.

Rational Economics wrote:

In grad school for economics, have hated my life since 2012. nothing is more miserable especially when you're a non-liberal in the humanities. You cannot show me a more miserable lifestyle than mine.

You are either 100% trolling or one of the most clueless humans of all time.

Just off the top of my head:

-Little kid born to abusive, meth-head 'parents'

-Kid sexually abused on a regular basis by adult, no one to turn to who will believe them.

-Parents of severely mentally ill or developmentally disabled child

-Homeless alcoholic/drug abuser

-Abused woman with no economic options

-Woman stoned to death in the middle east for being raped.

-Political prisoner tortured on a regular basis

-Gay/lesbian/trans person in religiously conservative country

-Most urban residents of any 3rd world country.

I could go on all day; you really ought to be ashamed of yourself for posting this and if you were serious about what you posted you really need to get your head out of your a**.

Yes, it is quite possible -and I'd even say normal- to despise your lifestyle as a PhD student at a top university. The daily routine is a non-stop grind. Graduate students especially in the sciences live a very austere life with little to no money and work all hours of the day and night. Not to mention they are bound to the program for 7-8 years until they generate enough novel research to write/publish at least 2-3 papers. I'm curious to know if the OP quit the program. Anyone who survives a personal test of that magnitude needs to be at least a little crazy and usually are determined to a fault.

If it was that easy it means you weren't doing it right, you slacker. I've been in a "real" blue collar job. Lazy grad students like you, with a "I'm great at this" chip on your shoulder are pathetic and counterproductive to the real students out there challenging themselves. Go play it safe where you belong, in your blue collar "real" job that you apparently struggle at.

Me3 wrote:

I have two grad degrees. I would make more money if I was a plumber

Ditto. My electrician’s hourly rate floors me. Granted, he thinks the government is controlling us using contrails, but he seems happy getting all frothy about it.

Can you for see it getting better next semester when you are done with these classes and are the a$$hole people associated with these classes? If yes, then just suck it up and stick it out. This is only temporary.

But, if you are stuck working with the a$$hole people until you graduate you need to talk to an adviser and find a way to get working with more positive people.

i was aligned with a total a$$ of a committee member during my program. i was almost at the point of quitting because i done with my classes and not making any progress on my dissertation because nothing i would produce was good enough for this guy. i had dreams where this guy had died and i was relieved, then i woke up ;-).

I went and talked to the grad chair and she lined me up with a new committee chair who this a$$ thought was a goddess. my life improved immensely.

It is in the dept's best interest for you to succeed. If there are people impeding your progress, find their supervisors and talk to them.

You Are What You Is wrote:

stressed and depressed wrote:

I am busy all the time and dislike probably 90% of what I do.

This actually seems like the perfect preparation for life in the corporate working world. May as well get used to the feeling now, 'cause it's the same one you're gonna have for the next 30-40 years.

+1

Spot on.