Here are some reasonable ideas for you to think about.
Numbers do matter and you should track them in a scientific and objective way. Do not attach any emotional meaning to them. Monitor weight and body comp and compare it to performances and analyze the results.
You are right, weight does matter, as does %Body fat.
Generally you will perform best at 12-16% but you also have to track your lean body weight. You need to figure out what your lean body weight per inch is at. To do this test your body fat. Subtract the lbs of body fat from total weight. The remainder is lean body weight. Divide that by height in inches. Here is an example: 5 foot tall 100lbs female with 15 % body fat. 15% body fat = 15 lbs of adipose tissue (fat) leaves 85 lbs of lean body weight. Divide by 60 inches = 1.41 lbs per inch. Healthy range for LBW is about 1.3 to 1.5 lbs per inch. Men will be 1.7 to 2.1 per inch. Will dropping to 12% help? Maybe, maybe not. The question is can you get there with out starving yourself or doing psychological damage? Will going down to 10% help? Probably not and the risks are pretty high. If you are an Olympian or even pro it might help to be there for certain periods but the reward has to be greater then the risks.
Most sports nutritionist do recommend female athletes eat far more then they should. They always over estimate the number of calories burned while training. Why? Because they use the standard 110 calories per mile. That number is for a 150lbs male. Lighter athletes burn much less. (this is basic physics). They also do not take into account that runners may have lower basil metabolisms because they are are so fit. One recommendation see a registered dietician not a sport nutritionist. There is a difference.
The biggest problem I see with female runners in terms of diet is lack of protein. One prominent researcher in the field recommends 1.2 to 1.4 grams per kilogram of body weight per day for endurance athletes. If we use our 100lb gal as an example then at 45kg she would need 63 grams of protein. That is a lot of protein. In fact that will be 252 calories just in protein. It then becomes necessary to calculate in things like iron and calcium intake and other vitamins and minerals. Then you have to figure out total caloric needs and where you want to get your calories from. It gets more complicated then I can write here.
Bottom line, eat a healthy diet, track your numbers, train the best you can.
For those who would criticize, I have been coaching for 20 years worked as a personal trainer, have a RD as an adviser to my team, have coached an Olympian, multiple all Americans and have unfortunately experienced athletes (one female and one male) with an eating disorder.