NRR: Gettting married in two weeks. Need help with something

Flagpole, thanks, but that's tough. I hear you, but I love her. I don't know what happened last night. A bad judgment call on her part, that's what I think.

The OP is 100% right on savaging the other guy. There is an unwritten male creed about not pursuing a woman who is already taken. The other guy was blatantly making a play for her (he knew her situation)....45 minute train ride each way, yeah right.

I would call him up again and reem him some more.

Your fiance will actually appreciate you asserting your manhood....even if she never admits it to you.

OP, you did absolutely the right thing....this was not jealousy....you correctly deduced HIS motives.

I only wish you would show up at his front door.

WOW. This is very helpful, thank you so much. I will try your approach and see how it goes tonight.

I am not the normal letsrun jerk here to rub it in your face but i have to point out to you she is the one being the jerk. He's just some dude trying to get laid and while he deserves a punch in the face if you ever see him the real issue is that your soon to be wife went out on a date with another man. You can say that she was just catching up with an old friend but in the end men an women can never really be just friends. I would say you got lucky in the sense that your wife got the "itch" before you guys were legally bound together. Cut sling load on her now and save your self the cost and aggravation of a divorce that will certainly come soon. Good luck bro.

Thanks madarin.

I agree 100% with Flagpole. Your fiance should have declined the dinner or she could have invited you to the dinner as well. Trust your first instincts. The first time you met this guy you didn't like him. Go with your gut. Flagpole is right. He could of just emailed her. This dude just wants to start something. The dude and your fiance were in the wrong. If my fiance before we were married had dinner with an old boyfriend two weeks before our wedding I would of been just as mad as you are. You have every right to be pissed. Would you of had dinner with an old girlfriend before your wedding? I doubt you would have because you know better. Good Luck my friend. Think hard before saying I do. Things happen for a reason.

there is a weird phenomenon when it comes to women and weddings - they often go crazy right before the wedding, especially with exes. Don't bother "getting back at him" - just tell your woman how you feel and that should be enough. It's weird to be meeting married men for dinner two weeks before your wedding. If you had gone as couples, maybe. She's being weird. Women are often weird at this juncture in their lives. Lay it out and then let it go.

She probably slept with him. You are getting married ultra soon, so if you don't dump her, at least get an ironclad prenup in place.

Thanks Silly Old Fossil. I will not go further with the guy, even if I would like it. Bottom line, I'll have to talk to my fiance and resolve that with her.

Thanks a lot to everybody who posted. Very much appreciated. It has been a rough day, but my thoughts are clear now. It was very useful to hear your points of view.

At the very least she was trying to make you jealous. At the worst she was banging another man behind your back right before your wedding. Either way, why do you want that type of drama queen in your life? No two ways around it, stay with her you are in for some troubles.

You can justify whatever you want but this is clear: there is no execuse for her actions, and if she'll do that to you now it will only get worse later on.

Go talk with someone unaffilated with the situation and both of you and get some straight talk without all the emotional clouds. The end result is she just betrayed your trust and there is no reason to expect that will end.

If you want to stay with her than fine, but tell her the wedding is delayed until she can build back your trust.

It's obvious to everyone in the world who looks ta objectively that what he was after and that she was playing right along with it. The only question is was it to make you jealous or to do it with her old flame? Neither answer is good for you.

Silly Old Fossil wrote:

The OP is 100% right on savaging the other guy. There is an unwritten male creed about not pursuing a woman who is already taken. The other guy was blatantly making a play for her (he knew her situation)....45 minute train ride each way, yeah right.

I would call him up again and reem him some more.

Your fiance will actually appreciate you asserting your manhood....even if she never admits it to you.

OP, you did absolutely the right thing....this was not jealousy....you correctly deduced HIS motives.

I only wish you would show up at his front door.

Hahaha. This absurd belief in an "unwritten creed" is what gets guys cheated on. I know because in my younger days I slept with plenty of girls who were in relationships and I never once felt bad because THEY chose to do it because their boyfriends weren't getting it done.

The OP didn't assert any manhood, he called the guy then came to a message board and bitched. Jealous guys get cheated on all the time because they are horribly insecure and it turns women off. Being territorial and being jealous are not the same thing.

Silly Old Fossil wrote:

The OP is 100% right on savaging the other guy. There is an unwritten male creed about not pursuing a woman who is already taken. The other guy was blatantly making a play for her (he knew her situation)....45 minute train ride each way, yeah right.

I agree, 100% there is an unwritten man law that you don't go for girls who are taken. All guys know this, and most follow it. The thing is girls don't understand this creed. She sees this guy as just someone being friendly. She doesn't understand, she doesn't get it. You have to see this from her point of view. OP I wouldn't expect you to apologize the guy, its just browny points if you do and makes you possibly look better. I don't think all is lost, because I think you will get past this, she will get over this and everything will be okay. But if you do this again then some real issues could take place. Consider this your fair warning.

no wonder stuck with match.com is stuck with match.com

Panzy! Oh no the women had no idea they guy was coming on to her and was after her, he was jsut a an old friend who happened to take a 45 minute train ride to see her right before her wedding, and take her to a romantic dinner. If she really believes that then take her to have her IQ tested and if you buy what match.com is saying then you deserve to be suck with the drama queen.

City Seeker wrote:

no wonder stuck with match.com is stuck with match.com

Panzy!

No its called being a man and owning up to your mistakes. I believe the OP should have done something because this dude is a creep looking to score with her, however he approached it the wrong way. Because he approached it the wrong way he should apologize for that.

Mistake 1

He went snooping through her email, sort of. I know the email was out there but its still snooping somewhat

Mistake 2

He went out of this way to find the guys number and to call him. He made himself appear to his fiance like a jealous possesive man.

Here is what he should have done

When she came back from the dinner he should have talked her and expressed his concerns. Tell her that he didn't feel comfortable with this guy who he thought was hitting her and clearly making an attempt to get with her. Tell her he doesn't mind if he's a friend, but the whole romantic dinner and 45 minute train ride just seemed too much. That is perfectly reasonable. If the guy continues to persist and continues to go after her, then yes he could have said something to her. Like hey leave her alone she's getting married to me.

I'm not bashing you OP, I know how emotions can get the best of us, especially when it is with someone we love so much. I've been there before, I've done things very similar to this, so I can relate to all that you did. I did this once and my ex girlfriend was a little upset but let it go, she appreciated how much I was into her but said try not to do this again. The problem I couldn't help myself and I did.

Again take this a learning lesson. You're new at this and you will make mistakes, and so will she. I hope you guys have a wonderful and prosperous marriage.

Hate to break this to you. But your fiance still has a huge thing for this guy and is probably having sex with him.

In any relationship, one of the couple always has the upper hand(what we called who is the bigger one in the relationship). In your case, I am pretty sure she is the one. For instance, most women, if really in love with you, would find jealousy coming from you incredibly flattering( because it means that she actually means something to you). Her response of annoyance to your jealousy, however, clearly raises a red flag.

And, come on, catching a train 45 minute each way just to see a casual acquaintance, lasting very late at night! You are kidding me right when you say there is NOTHING going on between them.

Since she is the bigger one in the relationship, just imagine what she will do once you guys get married, given that she is already behaving in this red-flag raising manner before the wedding.

In all honesty, if I were you I would STOP the wedding immediately.

mad and in need of advice wrote:

Flagpole, thanks, but that's tough. I hear you, but I love her. I don't know what happened last night. A bad judgment call on her part, that's what I think.

Sorry to tell it like it is brother, but that's how I see it. I don't think you owe her an apology either; SHE owes you an apology. If a woman about to be married doesn't understand why it's inappropriate to go out for drinks and then dinner with a guy who took a 45-minute train to do so, then there's something wrong with her. Unless she comes to you and says, "I wasn't thinking about how this might look and how you might react to my actions, and I'm sorry and I won't do something like that again," then you need to end it with her. Love isn't enough for marriage. There must be trust and respect, and she didn't respect you and you can't trust her. She's a rotten apple brother. I wouldn't marry her if I were you.

Man, it is obvious that you love her, but she doesn't love you the way you do. I have seen this way to often. The key to a good relationship/marriage is to find someone who love each other approximately the same.

Anytime there is an imbalance, one of the two will be the "bigger" in the relationship. And that is a very bad thing. Trust me on that.

XX wrote:

...she was being manipulative, inflammatory and passive aggressive. Wedding planning can be irritating and stressful, and you guys might have been fighting over inane trivial bull-sh*t a lot lately, so this was her charming way of getting under your skin. She was flattered by the flirtation and attention of another dude and wanted to piss you off. She knew it would annoy you...

In fact, I'd argue in some subconscious way she left it to say "neener neener look here's a guy who pays attention to me."

Yeah, great. Sounds like a woman this guy should marry. Marriage is for adults, not little girls. OP, I wouldn't touch this fiance of yours with a 10-foot pole.

City Seeker wrote:

At the very least she was trying to make you jealous. At the worst she was banging another man behind your back right before your wedding.

Sorry, she is NOT trying to make you jealous. If a girl is trying to make you jealous, the nature response once she knows you are getting jealousy is to be flatter, not being annoyed.

Since she is not trying to make you jealous, then guess what she is doing?(hint: the second alternative in the quote)