NRR: Gettting married in two weeks. Need help with something

Sounds like they used to be good friends and are catching up at dinner. Chill out and get over yourself. I see nothing shady about it. By the way, you should've talked to your fiance before you talked to him. How could that have worked out well?

In a relationship such as you have with your fiance there are only two people responsible for it - you and your fiance. The other 6.4 billion people on this planet are irrelevant.

There is only one person responsible for the actions and words of your fiance - your fiance.

The fact that you lash out at some ex signifies nothing more than your own insecurity and cowardice. If there is something that should be addressed then it should be addressed with the appropriate party - your fiance.

The wedding is off - you blew it.

He took the train, a 45 minute ride each way, just to see someone he's barely seen since high school? And why now, just a few weeks before our wedding?

My fiance came home just before midnight and she finishes work at 6:30pm. I'm not happy about this. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy either if I spent the whole evening for 5 hours with an old girlfriend.

1/10...

Didn't you post this a year or two ago?

Well since I'm getting married THIS month, no.

I'm surprised nobody sees my side. If this guy is such a good friend, why did I meet him just once in 7 years? And when he comes to town for the evening just to see my fiance why doesn't ask me to come and meet with them?

Let it all out, sweetie. Oh, and here, help yourself to a kleenex.

He can tell you don't like him, perhaps?

Maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you were a jealous ass? I think the only problem you have is your own underlying trust issues. Just sayin...

This has nothing to do with the guy, and everything to do with whether you trust your fiancee. If you trust her, then who cares who she has dinner with and how long she spends with him. Do you think she's going to cheat on you? That she doesn't love you?

If the answer is "yes" or "maybe," you shouldn't marry her. If the answer is "no," then you don't need to act like a psycho stalking freak and call the friend she had dinner with.

To repeat, if you don't trust your fiancee to have dinner with an old friend -- alone, even in a fancy romantic restaurant or whatever -- then why on earth would you marry her?

Here's my advice brother...better sit down:

Married women cheat almost as much as married men. While the two of you are not yet married, she has behaved in a way that a woman about to be married in two weeks should not behave. This tells me that she is likely to be in the decent percentage of married women who cheat. And, don't listen to the dude who told you she just went to dinner with a guy from high school. It's not just that. What's the point of the dinner? We have social media out the wazoo these days. He's curious about her, then he can send her 20 questions in an e-mail. He doesn't need to take a 45-minute train ride to see her. Basically, he was fantasizing about her and wanted to bone her. You know it. It sounds like it's very likely that he did. You say he's the one who did something wrong here...NOPE...both of them did brother. Your fiance is equally at fault here. Some dude from high school could contact my wife (even when she was just my fiance) and try to meet up with her, and she would have declined...as your fiance SHOULD have done.

Now, what to do with this knowledge? One of two things:

1) If I were you, I'd end it today and consider yourself lucky that you did it before you got married. Sorry, but I don't need that kind of drama in my life.

2) You can decide that the two of you will have an "open marriage" and that you can each boink whomever you want.

Bottom line though brother is that your fiance is a bad person...she will cheat on you if you marry her, and then there will either be a nasty divorce, or she and the guy she's cheating on you with will plan your death. Seriously. Don't mess around here. Drop her like a bad habit.

the horns of a cuckold go well with your wedding tuxedo.

I think you have every reason to be pissed. I wouldn't have called the guy, but you definitely have reason to be concerned.

Let's get one thing straight: men aren't friends with women. They just aren't. Men hang around women for one thing, and one thing alone. This douche has probably had a thing for your fiancee since high school, kept tabs on her, heard from people back home that she is getting married, has an unhappy marriage himself, and then took one last shot at getting the girl who got away.

Put yourself in that guy's shoes. Would you ever send some chick who is about to get married an email titled "I miss you!" while you were in a relationship yourself with the simple intention of "catching up?" It's ludicrous to think that there is nothing shady about this entire situation.

Also, the fact that your fiancee met him doesn't bode well for her. Women who are in love and feel secure because of their man do not have the desire to hang out with other men. They just don't. I'm not trying to knock you, but I think you might need to sit down and have a serious talk with your fiancee about where she stands with you.

Good luck. Keep up posted.

Hey there I am really sorry to hear about this story. I totally understand your frustrations and how you feel. I know how upsetting it was, and you know what I totally agree, the dude is a creep and totally acted the wrong way. You are guys and engaged and he should respect that. However I don't think you should have called him and told him to f*ck off. That was a mistake, you acted like a jealous possessive man who thinks he can control his wife. Here is my piece of advice when it comes to girls. DON'T GET JEALOUS, if they like you they will stay will with you. If they want you they will be with you. Being jealous can only make things worse. Snooping around looking for clues only makes things worse. You made a mistake here. I think its time you apologize to your fiance and tell her how sorry you are, how you mistrusted her, how you wont do this again. Make sure to buy her some flowers too. Another thing if you want to get points, call the guy up and apologize for your actions.

Good luck dude. You're a good guy who meant well.I know this was tough.

That's pretty much how I see it. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to be alarmed over this.

hold the phone wrote:

To repeat, if you don't trust your fiancee to have dinner with an old friend -- alone, even in a fancy romantic restaurant or whatever -- then why on earth would you marry her?

This is exactly correct. Besides, I imagine your fiancee's friends/family are probably warning her right now that if you're this controlling before the wedding, just think what you'll be like later.

And you got into her email account? Dude, that's creepy. If the roles were reversed in this whole situation, I don't think you'd appreciate your fiancee treating you the way your are treating her.

Thanks. I shouldn't have called the guy, that's correct. It was getting late and I lost my cool. Just to put it into perspective my fiance went to bed at 10:20pm the night before. We are early risers so we don't stay up late during the week. So it was very unusual that she was still out, and with a guy I barely knew.

Preparing for the wedding has been pretty stressful and kept us very busy so we're both a little bit on the edge, I guess. However I really feel in my guts that this night out between them was wrong. I agree with you about my fiance. I should apologize to her, but I can't apologize to the guy. When I met him years ago, he was openly flirting with my fiance and he looked very much like a loud, arrogant guy.

mad and in need of advice wrote:

I called him and pretty much told him to go f@@k himself.

Well, I'm not going to address the actual post much because it is obviously Troll City, but I do want to comment on the above quote:

I will never understand why a guy has to rip into another dude who is trying to tap his GF/wife. If you trust the woman, then what does it matter? He's not going to get anywhere. And if the woman doesn't want you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway. More power to the "homewrecker" for recognizing his opportunity.

The person you should be telling to F@@K OFF is your fiance, not her old high school flame.