NEWS RELEASE
Nike Corporation (NYSE HotAir, Inc) has been secretly developing the latest in a long line of magically scientific running shoe technologies. The latest breakthrough, Lunar foam, is a collaboration with NASA and world renowned physicists Professor B. Gullible, Professor Ima Phule and Professor Rip Meyhoff. The concept of Lunar technology is meant to create an "out of this world running experience. Literally. We're serious," according to Nike's director of running and space exploration, former would-be astronaut, I.M. Kookey. The latest incarnation of Lunar technology is the much anticipated running shoe, the Lunar Eclipse. Developed in the extra top secret Nike running facility "Area 51," purchased from the U.S. government when it became clear that the aliens weren't cooperating with Olympic training plans, Nike's experiments on the creatures resulted in the technology embodied in the Lunar Eclipse. Through careful observation, Nike learned that aliens undergo a metamorphosis in response to a lunar eclipse. "They run faster and with less fatigue," says Dr. Ugottabe Kiddin, director of Nike's Alien Biomechanical Lab. When this information was brought to the attention of Nike's chairmen, Phil Knight, he had a epiphany of epic proportions. "My name is Knight. I created Nike. The moon comes out at night. Aliens run faster and with less fatigue during a lunar eclipse. Eureka! Bingo!" The rest, according to Mr. Knight, can't be discussed because it's intellectual property and occurred during a reunion with University of Oregon fraternity brothers in which they relived their Eugene party days. The bottom line is Nike's most incredible epic life altering running shoe ever (until next quarter when they'll top it with an even newer technology). The Lunar Eclipse is made out of alien body parts using a proprietary process that's completely new to the footwear industry. "It's a very delicate process," states Dr. Sweeney Todd, "because the aliens aren't entirely willing to be made into running shoes." The other problem, according to Nike's renowned midsole alchemist, the renown Cambodian chemist Crak Pot, is that "the transformation of alien parts must take place during a lunar eclipse otherwise you end up with just another foam midsole." Due to miscalculations of the next lunar eclipse, Nike must delay the release of the Lunar Eclipse running shoe until December. Nike's chief astrologist, who goes by the single name "Stella," reported that the stars didn't align as predicted according to her usual charting process which includes a survey of top newspapers astrology sections. While Nike regrets the delay of the highly anticipated Lunar Eclipse, it promises to be everything Nike says it will. Meanwhile, Nike's director of global footwear sales, marketing and hypnosis, psychologist R.U. Knutz, Ph.D., promises an interim product launch and totally new direction for the company, a pill Nike likes to call the "next best interim thing in running." Pending F.D.A approval, Nike will release limited quantities of the pill to the willing public. According to Dr. Knutz and his assistant Dr. Mengele, Jr., "early test markets prove the pill will cause the public to buy anything we offer. It's a great product for Nike while we await the Lunar Eclipse."