Think of it as asking for a blessing rather than permission. You're joining their family.
I wouldn't do it if the woman had a bad relationship with her parents, or if either she or they were liberals of the type that would find the notion offensive.
Most women I know appreciated it, not because they felt that permission was necessary, but because women often love it when men behave in traditionally gentlemanly ways. (Deep down, they want to marry an Austen hero.)
Tie the knot wrote:
So, I want to marry a girl and I also want to ask her dad for permission/blessing.
I figure I'll bring the mom flowers, but am not sure if I should get the dad anything.
Any advice?
Booze and Cigars are not an option.
Why do you need to ask him? Will you still ask her to marry you if her dad says no? Does her father own her and have control over her that you need his permission?
I think some sort of livestock is pretty standard. Oxen, maybe, or a bull.
Honestly... wrote:
Don't be an Eddie Haskell (sp?).
Damn, I didn't know people knew who Eddie Haskell was anymore. I've used this kind of saying (calling someone an Eddie Haskell) for years, and most people just don't get it. Good job. And you're right. OP, don't be an Eddie Haskell.
The REAL Chef Gordon Ramzi wrote:
What the hell.
This is the 21st century.
Women are not the property of their father, or of any other man. The only people who need to consent to a marriage are the two people who are actually getting married.
Let me guess, you're fat and ugly. I could be wrong but it is an anonymous forum and no one would believe you.
The REAL Chef Gordon Ramzi wrote:
What the hell.
This is the 21st century.
Women are not the property of their father, or of any other man. The only people who need to consent to a marriage are the two people who are actually getting married.
the point is, it's classy, and a respectful thing to do. fathers tend to appreciate it, the fiance-to-be tends to be, at worst, ambivalent about it and at best, also very appreciative of the gesture especially if they are "old-school." no one is implying ownership, it's simply the why is that so hard to understand? polite society.
cassio598 wrote:
I think some sort of livestock is pretty standard. Oxen, maybe, or a bull.
I know a guy that married a girl whose father was native American. She had an older sister that was married before she was. Both of the guys bought the father some type of horses as gifts when asking his blessing. I think my friend found some nice little porcelain figurines or something like that. It was more a funny gesture than anything else but it was definitely a new spin on the traditional Indian custom of trading ponies for a wife.
And as others have said, ask for his blessing and support not so much permission.
hsrunner04 wrote:
The REAL Chef Gordon Ramzi wrote:The only people who need to consent to a marriage are the two people who are actually getting married.
Unless the two people are gay.
In which case those two people should be shot on site!
Don't bring a gift if he doesn't already know you and like you a gift won't change that if he does already know you and like not bringing a gift won't change that either. Put yourself in his shoes "Wow, this guy is a bit of a loser, but he brought me a nice box of cigars I guess I'll let him marry my daughter."
As for asking permission, when I went to my now wife's father I was very strightforward and said I wanted to marry his daughter and showed him the ring I had already bought. I also said that I was NOT asking for permission I was asking for his blessing. In other words, I was going ask regardless of what he said, but it would be nice to have him and the future MIL on board. He like my guts and gave his blessing. It should also be noted that I had only met him once before that day and he is about 6 inches taller and ~120lbs bigger than I am
As liberal and feminist as I can be, I see nothing wrong with asking for a blessing/"permission" from a woman's parents if she is close with them. It's not required, but it's respectful because if a woman's family is a big part of her life, she will want her future husband to be involved. It will also mean a lot that her parents support her and the man she loves.
This is why most marriages and relationships are so screwed up today.
Women want to have a few 'old school' practices and be treated old fashioned but have want wear the pants and have control.
Ladies, you can't have it both ways.
I don't think anyone should have control over another person. That's where relationships screw up.
The REAL Chef Gordon Ramzi wrote:
Let me guess, you're fat and ugly. I could be wrong but it is an anonymous forum and no one would believe you.
LOL so true
The REAL Chef Gordon Ramzi wrote:
What the hell.
This is the 21st century.
Women are not the property of their father, or of any other man. The only people who need to consent to a marriage are the two people who are actually getting married.
The father is not ordering the daughter to marry the guy, you morons. It is just a traditional sign of respect for the girl's father/family for the guy to ask for his blessing before popping the question. It's still up to her if she wants to marry the guy. You people really have no brains.
I don't think you should get him anything. That's actually kind of weird. Just get together and ask him.
RE: Asking a fathers permission to marry his daughter, what should I get him?
Wilson Phallus wrote:
I was going to ask John Phillips that question but he was busy. So was his daughter.
Aha....you beat me to the John Phillips joke. But, if you are going to go down that road, the correct answer to the OP's question would be:
If John Phillips is the Dad, then you give him.... a date with his daughter.
Mr. Obvious wrote:
If she is a grown woman I don't think you need her parents permission. She can make her own decisions.
dumb. real dumb.
if she comes from a good family and you ask, her parents will appreciate the gesture. if she comes from a good family and you don't, they'll either resent it, or at least make fun of you for not doing it until you or they die.
WHAT?? I have never know anyone nor would I even have suspected people still do thiswhat percentage still do this? 1%? 2% tops??it aint 1945 anymore scooter
you are the cutest wrote:
Mr. Obvious wrote:If she is a grown woman I don't think you need her parents permission. She can make her own decisions.
dumb. real dumb.
if she comes from a good family and you ask, her parents will appreciate the gesture. if she comes from a good family and you don't, they'll either resent it, or at least make fun of you for not doing it until you or they die.
Mr. Obvious wrote:
If she is a grown woman I don't think you need her parents permission. She can make her own decisions.
It should be obvious, pun intended, that she's a grown woman.
Pocket Watch or Pocket Knife. Maybe get it engraved with his name or initials