Happy Letsrunziqa, boys and girls!
Tis the season to make up bogus holidays and cause everyone to be sensitive to them, even though they are a load of crap.
I call upon all letsrunners to take to the streets in traditional atire and cause major traffic jams in every city! This will get our message out.
I need more ideas for the actual practices of the holiday, so help me out. This is going to be huge!
You must pray to Allah!!!!!!!!!!!
Go to times square and walk around with your head up.
Remember to buy some food from my Muslim brothers in New York.
And Alllllllaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh is the greatest.
I'm putting on my smallest shorts and tallest socks as we speak. Everyone shall know our name!
Don't forget that we need someone to dress up as a troll so others can hunt him and shout insults at him!
Hunting is not allowed unless you are hunting the white man. All races are equal except some are more equal than others.
And wear short shorts, be a huge loser, bash joggers, eat some kashi.
Allen
Create some basic tenets for Letsrunziqa which not only express your inner self as the runner you are, but simultaneously make you as obnoxious and repulsive as possible, going far beyond merely annoying everyone in sight, but actually violating standard codes of conduct, going against mainstream cultural values and disrupting life for everyone who cares about common courtesy. For example, a sacred purification ritual of the "religion" could be to avoid bathing for the two "holy" weeks of Letsrunziqa, wearing the sweatiest unwashed running clothes and the stinkiest shoes you have and to give two-minute hugs (in the name of good will, of course) to complete strangers in crowded shopping malls or in fine dining establishments. Don't forget to wear bunhuggers that are two sizes too small and stuff a prize-winning cucumber down the front just for additional shock value.
When promoting Letsrunziqa, which you should do at every opportunity, even if it means being a giant anal pain to everyone, be sure to harp ad nauseum on the "millennia-old traditions" of this wholesome, enlightening "religion of self expression" even though you only thought up the mumbo-jumbo "traditions" while sitting on the crapper last week.
Change your name to something that looks like part of one of those "cryptoquiz" decipher-the-code puzzles where letters are substituted for other letters. Make your new name vaguely running related, like Ekki Dehn or Pharr Tleq.
Come up with a gibbering, unintelligible "language" loosely based on runner's jargon and demand that everyone bend to your needs by accepting it. Refuse to speak proper English yourself. This is the USA, after all. Insistence on using English of any sort, let alone rich, clever, highbrow English which communicates ideas common to the daily lives of Americans over the past couple of hundred years, will soon be offensive.
Start a huge campaign to have Christmas decorations in public places first accompanied by (then later entirely replaced by) decorations which depict the ooga-booga rituals, dress, hair styles, jargon and other recently fabricated tenets of Letsrunziqa. As usual, gain the attention of bullshit rights groups and pandering, enabling politicians to further your cause.
Above all, always insist on being called "runner" and never the hated "jo**er." If anyone mentions the J word, even when not referring to you, raise a big stink, punch them in the face and threaten a discrimination suit. In fact, any word other than "runner" is unacceptable and is grounds for a pride parade or some other massive sign-toting demonstration exploiting the faux guilt you can instill in the offenders. Parlay the whole shebang into oodles of special privileges and handouts.
the430BeerMiler wrote:
Don't forget that we need someone to dress up as a troll so others can hunt him and shout insults at him!
I like that idea and I volunteer for the job.
PS. Your going to need a catchier name than LETSRUNZIQA...
Bureaucratic, Neurotic Coward wrote:
Create some basic tenets for Letsrunziqa which not only express your inner self as the runner you are, but simultaneously make you as obnoxious and repulsive as possible, going far beyond merely annoying everyone in sight, but actually violating standard codes of conduct, going against mainstream cultural values and disrupting life for everyone who cares about common courtesy. For example, a sacred purification ritual of the "religion" could be to avoid bathing for the two "holy" weeks of Letsrunziqa, wearing the sweatiest unwashed running clothes and the stinkiest shoes you have and to give two-minute hugs (in the name of good will, of course) to complete strangers in crowded shopping malls or in fine dining establishments. Don't forget to wear bunhuggers that are two sizes too small and stuff a prize-winning cucumber down the front just for additional shock value.
When promoting Letsrunziqa, which you should do at every opportunity, even if it means being a giant anal pain to everyone, be sure to harp ad nauseum on the "millennia-old traditions" of this wholesome, enlightening "religion of self expression" even though you only thought up the mumbo-jumbo "traditions" while sitting on the crapper last week.
Change your name to something that looks like part of one of those "cryptoquiz" decipher-the-code puzzles where letters are substituted for other letters. Make your new name vaguely running related, like Ekki Dehn or Pharr Tleq.
Come up with a gibbering, unintelligible "language" loosely based on runner's jargon and demand that everyone bend to your needs by accepting it. Refuse to speak proper English yourself. This is the USA, after all. Insistence on using English of any sort, let alone rich, clever, highbrow English which communicates ideas common to the daily lives of Americans over the past couple of hundred years, will soon be offensive.
Start a huge campaign to have Christmas decorations in public places first accompanied by (then later entirely replaced by) decorations which depict the ooga-booga rituals, dress, hair styles, jargon and other recently fabricated tenets of Letsrunziqa. As usual, gain the attention of bullshit rights groups and pandering, enabling politicians to further your cause.
Above all, always insist on being called "runner" and never the hated "jo**er." If anyone mentions the J word, even when not referring to you, raise a big stink, punch them in the face and threaten a discrimination suit. In fact, any word other than "runner" is unacceptable and is grounds for a pride parade or some other massive sign-toting demonstration exploiting the faux guilt you can instill in the offenders. Parlay the whole shebang into oodles of special privileges and handouts.
This is quite possibly the greatest post I have ever seen on this site. You deserve a BET..I mean RUN award for your efforts.