Question about sons

I of course know virtually nothing about you or your sons, but I was somewhat like Michael to my brothers when I was his age. The problem was with me.

Michael may have self esteem issues. He may feel all of his accomplishments entitle him to be constantly showered with praise, including from Fredo. He may resent any praise or support given to Fredo. If Fredo gets along well with others and has many friends this may be the thing that bothers Michael the most. Try to get Michael to explain how he views his brother. At a minimum find out his end game: what is he really trying to accomplish through his treatment of Michael?

Fredo: I'm your older brother, Mike, and I was stepped over!

Michael: That's the way Pop wanted it

Fredo: It ain't the way I wanted it!!... I can handle things! I'm smart, not like everybody says, like, dumb! I'm smart, and I want respect!

Who are Fredo and Michael Cordelone?

It's Corleone, of Godfather fame.

you've never seen the Godfather!!!

"I know it was you Fredo..."

I haven't seen any of the Godfather movies.

I haven't seen any of the Star Wars movies.

I haven't seen any of the Napolean Dynamite movies if there is more than one.

I haven't seen any of the Die Hard movies.

Or the Terminator movies. Well, I did see the first Terminator.

Out of the loop wrote:

I haven't seen any of the Godfather movies.

I haven't seen any of the Star Wars movies.

I haven't seen any of the Napolean Dynamite movies if there is more than one.

I haven't seen any of the Die Hard movies.

Or the Terminator movies. Well, I did see the first Terminator.

why? on purpose?

Yeah, just had no interest or never got around to it.

Out of the loop wrote:

I haven't seen any of the Godfather movies.

I haven't seen any of the Star Wars movies.

I haven't seen any of the Napolean Dynamite movies if there is more than one.

I haven't seen any of the Die Hard movies.

Or the Terminator movies. Well, I did see the first Terminator.

Other than the first Godfather, you didn't miss much. There's actually some good acting in the Godfather...

Out of the loop wrote:

I haven't seen any of the Godfather movies.

I haven't seen any of the Star Wars movies.

I haven't seen any of the Napolean Dynamite movies if there is more than one.

I haven't seen any of the Die Hard movies.

Or the Terminator movies. Well, I did see the first Terminator.

I guess they don't show them on Nick at Night, huh?

Your older son sounds like he has self esteem/ image issues severe enough to manifest in projecting through his competitive and judgemental nature.

You use the descriptive "brutal" regarding his treatment of his younger brother, suggesting he has no empathy at all.

You also compare him to Michael C.

Sorry to break the news to you, but your older son sounds like a sociopath.

runner dad wrote:

I have two sons. The oldest, third year of college is very successful, very competitive in everything, judgemental of others and tends to be arrogant and a bit obnoxious. (I am his dad, I love him but its true)

The second son, is in high school. A very kind and sensitive kid who seems to lose at everything.

How do I stop the younger one from being Fredo to his brother Micheal Cordelone. Micheal is just brutal to his younger brother Fredo. If I try to protect Fredo from his brother Micheal it flames the rivalry worse.

Kill them both and start over.

runner dad,

A young man who is a junior in college (so he's at least 20 unless he's young for his class) who is "brutal" to his younger brother has some serious problems. I'm being serious here. Lord knows that college kids have lots of growing up to do, but the sibling rilvary to the point of him being "brutal" to his younger brother should have passed by now.

You need to have a man to man talk with him. "It's time to grow up JUNIOR! You start behaving like a civil person toward your brother, or I'm cutting you out of the WILL. You are behind where you should be with your maturity. Stop it or I'll break off your college funding. You behavior is unacceptable."

Maybe you've never spoken to him like that. Maybe you have. If you have and he still behaves like that, then it's time to levy some serious punishment -- that's usually in the form of money for a 20-year-old. Don't pay for anything. Make him pay rent while he's home. Stop paying for college. Make sure he knows that you're serious. Tell him that even though it might amaze him that you love that other son of yours and you will NOT see that kind of "brutal" behavior from your oldest without reprecussions. Have the balls to do it. Your eldest son just needs to grow up. He needs your kick in the pants to do it.

Michael's mother pretty much spoils him. Fredo seems to get in the victim role naturally. Its a very weird dynamic. Fredo still looks up to his brother although his brother will constantly point out everything that he does that is wrong.

I sometimes feel like Michael projects displaced aggression meant for me at his brother.

Glad this is anonymous.

I have two daughters who are eerily identical to your sons in behavior. I have never been able to solve the problem, so I figured they will just never be friends (they didn't get to choose their siblings anyway) and keep them apart as much as possible. It makes me sad and feel like a failure as a mom, but I feel like I tried everything (including the punishment route), but nothing worked. So I just accept it and try to keep the peace in the house as much as possible.

You really don't have anything to lose by trying the "sit down and talk it out" or punishments routes. But, if the mother is contributing to the situation by spoiling him, he is unlikely to respond.

How does the mother feel about all this? Does she understand that she might be part of the problem?

If the situation is ever going to improve, everyone needs to be at the same table.

runner dad wrote:

I have two sons. The oldest, third year of college is very successful, very competitive in everything, judgemental of others and tends to be arrogant and a bit obnoxious. (I am his dad, I love him but its true)

The second son, is in high school. A very kind and sensitive kid who seems to lose at everything.

How do I stop the younger one from being Fredo to his brother Micheal Cordelone. Micheal is just brutal to his younger brother Fredo. If I try to protect Fredo from his brother Micheal it flames the rivalry worse.

Actually Michael and and Fredo have the opposite relationship you describe between your two sons. Fredo was the middle brother, older than Michael, younger than Santino.

If you are looking for family counseling advice from a movie

or the Jr. HS kids on letsrun.com...

I would suggest you look to viewing the DVD of the Jeff Daniels, Sigourney Weaver movie "Imaginary Heroes".

P.S. When you talk of your younger son being a loser...does he take after his mother or you?

Any junior in college who picks on a high school kid is a jackass. I'm about the same age as your older son and I would feel like a huge douche if I made fun of a high schooler. Like others have said, you should tell him what a dick this makes him.