In a sexless marriage

good comparison.

I notice a lot of separation also coincides with when a man stops keeping up with what any sane person would aim for with their lives and future. They say something cooled off, meanwhile, they were committing to loser futures if the relationship continued

You are either insane or a troll. If a troll, not a very good onw.

Why the $&@* would anyone want to have sex with their wife?!? Gross.

135 comments on this often repeated thread shows getting sex within a marriage or outside marriage is a problem.

It's been almost 10 years from me. We have been together 30 years. We are intimate like 1x every month and a half to 2 months. She's has almost no interest in sex. It's not getting better

This is well said.

Power point presentation

i think the marriage is not healthy. In a marriage there need to be sex, emotions, drive and everything that help you become closer. Maybe it's time to live.

This guy deserves a free shirt!

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And when one or more of those "hot athletic girls in their low 20s" gets pregnant, what should he do? Kill the kid? Be on the hook for child support? Divorce his wife and marry the pregnant girlfriend or one of the pregnant girlfriends? None of these paths is desirable and one strikes me as particularly despicable.

For anyone with this question, spend some time in the sub-reddit r/DeadBedrooms for an idea of your future. There is a difference between misaligned libidos (HL vs LL) and one person deciding that your sex life is over (it's not just women - it happens with a lot of men making that decision as well). In general, there aren't that many explanation: spouse has a medical issue (hormones, depression, body dysmorphia), spouse is mostly or completely asexual, spouse is gay but doesn't realize it, spouse is cheating and/or no longer or never was sexually attracted to their partner). 5 years isn't long enough to spend your life depressed about being in a dead bedroom and hoping the phase will end naturally.

The choices are all pretty easy to choose from even though they may be hard ones to make: discuss and get medical help/therapy for the partner who isn't interested, agree to be ethically non-monogamous, find outside gratification but keep it on the down-low (i.e. have an affair or visit professionals), get a divorce and before you ever consider marriage again, make sure that you and your next partner have libidos that aligned and also that you two have the ability to communicate to avoid getting into this situation again.

Yess I agree with this, if you don't see anything for the future, then it's time to go.

Sorry to hear this brother.

I see it this way. You need to do at least one of these things:

1) Tell her that just because she's not interested doesn't mean you aren't and you would like to use her body for your pleasure on a regular basis (you tell her how often that is).

2) If she doesn't want to do the above, then you ask/tell her that you will seek sex outside the marriage. You still love her and would rather have sex with her, but since she's not willing, you must find it elsewhere. It is good/necessary for a man's mental health at a minimum and some evidence says physical health too.

3) If she will not go along with either of the above two choices (#1 is very reasonable), then you tell her you ARE going to seek sex outside the marriage whether she wants you to or not and that if she can't be married to you because of that, then that's how that will be.

4) Of course you MIGHT want a partner who enjoys sex also, and if that's the case, she's not the one for you and you'll have to do some soul searching to determine if you can stay with her.

Has o.p. updated us under a different username?

This is standard when friends, family and family law attorney give advice to a woman in a failed marriage. Advice: Immediately cut the man off romantically.

If o.p. is not going through a divorce, he will soon. He needs to get his affairs in order and see a family law attorney.

That's right. Only losers cheat. Be a man and get what you want with honor, even if it means putting your foot down and getting a divorce.

Your fault for being stupid enough to get married to her. That's what usually happens to a man unfortunately, he stops getting what he signed up for when he got married. What did he sign up for? Sex, woman looking attractive to his perception, woman not giving him a hard time, woman contributing in some way, woman cooking and cleaning, woman not flirting with other men. Many of these things deteriorate or stop completely after marriage.

As for the woman, she basically signed up for security--house, man making income and contributing to take care of the kids, etc. The trap has been set but since the woman can benefit from divorce, it's possibly more appealing to her. You don't see men thinking if the marriage fails they can merely get a divorce and be better off, that mentality is exclusively for women.

But things are inevitably shifting. Men are starting to wake up and realize American women are not appealing for marriage, generally. Foreign women are better. That's because the foreign woman doesn't compromise what the man signed up for in marriage. The result? There will be many bitter and jealous American women going forward and they'll take their jealousy out on foreign women. Just watch this ugliness escalate in the next couple decades.

If a woman stops having sex after marriage, it's because sex is a means to an end to attain commitment and investment of resources by the man, and she was using you for those things. If you notice that sudden drop in libido once you start committing and spending more time with each other, it's not because she suddenly started getting tired, or headaches, or stressed from work/school/whatever, or you've stopped putting effort into yourself (funny how she wasn't experiencing any of this when you first started dating), it's because she got what she wanted from you and she doesn't feel the need to put as much effort in to keep you around. This also has nothing to do with whether or not you're the "bad boy" type that elicits passion, she will eventually turn off the libido for that guy once he starts becoming the committed provider.

Women also aren't consciously aware of this and will make up all types of stories about why their libido shuts off, often portraying the man as at fault even if he didn't change anything from when they first started dating. Don't get caught in that trap of blaming yourself and wasting time by doing whatever she says will fix the relationship only for it not to work and for her to keep finding reasons why you're a bad partner or why a relationship can't work between you. She has to figure this out for herself, and unfortunately most therapists are going to jump straight to blaming the partner.

When foreign women are brought to the west and experience the level of opportunity we have, they'll become more like western women too. Western women are in no way incentivized or encouraged to stay in long-term relationships since they can either get a high-paying job to support themselves or get married, have kids with a man and get divorced once the marriage stops being fun and then live off their ex-husband through alimony and child support. Obviously not ALL women are going to behave in this way, but it does appear to be the trend.

And I thought you only gave investment advice. A man of many talents.