I don’t want a wedding, but should I have one?

Thanks for the replies and roasting. We opted not to do the wedding for now. Instead we expanded our house budget and purchased a home we are both very happy with. Looking to do a much smaller and cheaper wedding in a year with our closest friends and family.

Listen to your gut.

Another option would be to put the price of the wedding on a single baccarat bet, online. Double or nothing, baby. So you could either have two weddings or none at all. It's like flipping a coin, only with higher stakes. After all, marriage is the real gamble anyways. Aint it?

Hardloper wrote:

Star wrote:

Everyone goes to weddings at other people’s expense many times in your life.

Once in a lifetime it’s your turn to pay.

When you are young and male you don’t have this perspective.

You think you are spending all of this money on one day.

Did everyone here marry poor people? The bride's parents are supposed to pay for it, not you.

Yeah, the brides parents pay for the wedding, not the groom.

First, you are thirty and asking for advice on Letsrun about this? Grow up a little. Talk to your SO and let them know your concerns.

Second, why are the student loans going to take 10 years? If you are going to talk about money issues, then it doesn’t make sense to not pay those but talk about taking trips.

Finally $20k is expensive but not outrageous when you co side you are feeding and entertaining hundred plus people. No need for it to be that way. This is the conversation to have. Find a cheaper venue. Find a fun but cheap way to cater. Pizza Food truck? The rest of the stuff you can manage easily.

I've never had a wedding and am thankful for not wasting all that money.
No, I would absolutely not have a wedding just because someone else wanted me to have one.

Even if someone else completely paid for it, because it's an extreme waste of money.

Plus I would seriously question getting married to anyone who so readily wanted to waste all that money on something so frivolous.

So, did you have the wedding?

No wedding. Both happy with the decision to go for the house. Thinking of doing a $5,000 semi formal vow renewal type celebration/party next year.

My wife didn’t want to do a wedding, I did. We ended up having one - I had an awesome time, she had fun but found the whole experience very stressful. It’s a lot of $$ and a lot of planning but also a good way to kickstart the marriage

Weddings, in many traditions, have been public to keep the spouses loyal to their vows.

When my girlfriend and I started discussing our wedding, this is about what she said, as best I can remember:

"I want a wedding in a big church with bridesmaids and flower girls. A lot of ushers in tailcoats, reporters and photographers. I want a wedding like the Kardashians had, everything big not small. If I can't have that kind of a wedding, I don't want to get married at all."

Needless to say, after I heard that, I bailed out and went back on the road.

I am a woman who didn't want a wedding. I don't like being the center of attention, don't like dressing up (the shoes are uncomfortable!) and thought it was a stupid way to spend money. But a fried convinced me. She said that it is the only time in your life where you will have everyone you love in the same place. You can have any party and people will have higher priorities but they will attend your wedding. We've been married 18 years I don't regret it....and i put on comfortable shoes for the reception.

You shouldn't have the wedding and you should postpone getting married. Your thoughts of her guilt tripping you and holding it over your head forever show a real lack of trust. I also think you have some hidden reservations about marriage. Postpone marriage for a year.

Do this!

Have a nice dinner with close family members, rent a room in a restaurant. Spend some money but not a ton. Have close friends and family give a toast and have a big cake. She wants to feel special so if you can make that happen it’s worth it. I don’t think it’s a “red flag” at all - having a healthy relationship is all about compromising. And try not to stress too much regardless. As long as you’re both healthy and happy, it won’t be as big of a deal either way in a few years.

Much depends on your sincere desire. In general, a wedding is a very memorable event. You can invite the closest people and celebrate your holiday. I think that many people decide to save money and not organize a large-scale celebration. When my husband and I married, we invited 20 guests and had dinner at a beautiful restaurant. We also hired a professional wedding photographer to get memorable photos. It's a joy to see how the photographer manages to capture the most meaningful moments that will forever remain in the memory. At our wedding, Alyssia Landri was the photographer. She is just an amazing girl who did her job very well. All the guests were delighted with the photos.

Did you make this photo yourself? I think it would be better to increase the brightness and reduce the contrast.