Is $700 a month a bit much for an 11 year olds sport?

Omg $700/month! How does a kid even get involved in something like that?

My first gf was a horse girl. Her parents bought a huge house with tons of land, built a barn. I wouldn't be surprised if she were still living with her parents in her 30s. I wanted nothing to do with horses after dating her.

How much do you save for college? Our HHI is higher than yours but we're only putting in $350/mo into 529. I could not imagine spending $700/mo on a sport.

humble brag detector wrote:

ExsessiveAmount wrote:

Totally wasn't my idea. I was a 29minute 10k runner with close to 4minute mile speed and saw her loving running. My wife took her to equestrian lessons and I figured 1 or 2 lessons and she will hate it boy was I wrong. I hate to say it but I avoid the barn and sport like a plague.

why did you work your running times into the story?

You jealous, bro?

Viking21 wrote:

humble brag detector wrote:

why did you work your running times into the story?

You jealous, bro?

No VK, it’s a legitimate question as anyone who drops a sub 30 min 10k into a non running related thread is likely a troll.

Anyway, back to the thread, I always thought my sub 62 minute half mary could beat a vast majority of show ponies ridden by prepubescent girls that were bankrupting their D1 running dads.

RGARC2 wrote:

If your daughter enjoys it then you might want to stay with it. Several private universities have equestrian as a sport to meet Title IX. If she is good by the time college comes around then your $700/mo could yield a decent scholarship at an otherwise expensive school.

Seriously? Let's say she has been doing this for 2 years and continues until 18. That is 9 years, that is $75K. That is assuming there is no cost increase or more money as one moves up the competition ladder (and it will get more expensive). But let's keep it at $75K.

Here are the schools with equestrian (please note NCAA has it as an "emerging sport" --that means it needs to show viability).

I count 23 D1 and D2 schools that have it. The scholarship limit is 15 (and they can be divided up). In looking at the list the only 2 that are prestigious are Brown and Cornell. The rest are mostly large state universities. So the few privates in there might be costly, but the rest are not. That $75K put in a 529 would make a bigger dent in cost of attending (and a guaranteed one) than the elusive college athletic grant.

So from an investment standpoint it would be a horrible way to pay for college.

I hope you have someone helping you with financial planning.

Of course you have a right to be annoyed.

I would have an honest conversation with your daughter about if she likes it. Not just about the riding, but the competing. 11 years old for most seems like a younger age to be investing this much in (but then I am cheap).

I know some girls who ride and work deals with stables to help out to defer some cost. Age 11 might be pretty young, but getting her to work for it in some way might give you an indication of how much she really loves it. For instance, I knew a woman who grew up riding, but when she was 14 she had get a job at the stable to help pay for the lessons. So she woke up every morning and rode her bike for 30 minutes to shovel horse crap and other jobs. Then got changed and headed to school. And then back after school. Eventually started teaching riding lessons once she was older.

She never reached a high level of riding, but she showed she truly loved it. (She also says she never had any dreams of glory other than a few local events).

Also, if there is a financial stress, the kids can pick up on it and it can put more pressure on them.

In my opinion it's too much.

Your wife and daughter appear to be hooked right now. If you pull back now, odds are you'll be heading towards a divorce and a poor relationship with your daughter... probably in the divorce settlement, you'll probably still be required to pay for equestrian stuff.

I'd say you are properly screwed.

Hate to break this to you but $700/month is very cheap in this sport. You are just scratching the surface. If she becomes good or wants to lease a halfway decent horse that will double or triple immediately. This is a sport for people with lots of disposable cash (or their own barn). We are in the process of having the same conversation with our daughter. As a runner I can’t help but feel there is something inherently unethical and anticompetitive about a sport where the most expensive horse wins. Heartbreaking to watch actually. And I have been to a lot of shows. Good luck and my advice is temper her expectations now or just be honest that this is a sport where wealth is a requirement to be competitive and you just don’t want to set her up for disappointment.

ExsessiveAmount wrote:

I have a question my household income is $150,000 a year after tax we net around $110,000. I was a runner and really hoped my daughter would follow that direction which is not happening. She is in equestrian and we pay roughly $700 a month for her lessons. I am fed up with it and feel like it is running us dry but my wife does not see it that way. The shows which I know she is going to want to do a bunch a year is another $500 per show. Do I have a right to be annoyed with this? I just feel like this is a rich person sport and I am not rich. Not too mention the other parents just suck to be around they are very catty and rude.

This is a good to place to vent but you are scre-wed. You are in too deep and wife and daughter will gang up on you over this. You should have put your foot down earlier.

And as far as your question, you already knew the answer to that.

Jefe in the CO wrote:

Viking21 wrote:

You jealous, bro?

No VK, it’s a legitimate question as anyone who drops a sub 30 min 10k into a non running related thread is likely a troll.

Anyway, back to the thread, I always thought my sub 62 minute half mary could beat a vast majority of show ponies ridden by prepubescent girls that were bankrupting their D1 running dads.

I am real here is my verification

I am just looking for people's thoughts on my situation. Like I said I would love her to be a runner. As for the reason why I dropped the running times was just me saying running is more in her blood and hope she drops the equine and does running.

Now you are asking? It is too late! Are you going to break your daughter's heart and tell her she cannot ride horses anymore? Good luck getting your daughter to do another activity going forward. People wonder why some girls in upscale neighborhoods dress like witches &/or look like Lisbeth Salander. Get a promotion or sell more widgets. Find a way to make more money and support your daughter.

Now you're asking? Too late! wrote:

Now you are asking? It is too late! Are you going to break your daughter's heart and tell her she cannot ride horses anymore? Good luck getting your daughter to do another activity going forward. People wonder why some girls in upscale neighborhoods dress like witches &/or look like Lisbeth Salander. Get a promotion or sell more widgets. Find a way to make more money and support your daughter.

She is in the sport I fork out the $700 plus a month for it. Too me it is a waste though. She is not super talented at equine . Tge ladt show she did like i said cost us $500 and she DQ'd in every event. At 11 years old she can run 6:20's for a mile with zero training. I just see her as a kid who is wasting talent that is there. I think she could be a high school girl who runs a sub 4:50 mile. I took her to a track and she was hurdling the steeple barriers women's high of course. I think she equestrian for the wrong reasons.

You can encourage running without you stopping horse riding. Usually kids do not like to continue activities they do not do well. It will work out well if she decides to switch from horse riding to running, not you deciding. This is all a big if. Horse riding is way more fun than doing 200s, 300s, 400s, 500s four days a week training to be a 1500m athlete. Most 11 year old females develop into normally built females. There is no guarantee a female will stay under 110 pounds. Continue with horse riding.

My wife did dressage as a kid. Her dad was in the military and they got dirt cheap lessons at the Marine stables in DC. They moved out to the PNW when her dad retired. While this was back in the 90s, they had the same sticker shock for private dressage lessons. Her dad told the dressage stable that he was retired military and couldn't afford it. They cut their rate by 50% for him. Not sure whether the people in your area would do that, but it is sort of understood in some dressage circles that rates are negotiable depending on the parents financial situation.

$700 a month is pretty expensive, but not out of control for youth sports today, especially if kids do multiple sports. My son's friend plays tennis and baseball. His mom played div. 1 tennis and has had him playing tennis since he was 3 years old (he is 9 now). They have a tennis club membership, private coaching and enter lots of tournaments. I don't think $700 even covers the club membership. Then, he has a swing coach for baseball and goes to speed training (kid is very athletic, but more built like JJ Watt than Novak Djokovic). Little league fees are about $2-3k for the year and are a lot more if they do extra tournaments over the summer. I would guess that this kid's sports cost all in about $15-20k a year.

This is what happens when you marry a pretty, rich girl. She expects you to pay for all of the rich girl things she used to do when she was a kid (and not contribute anything to the cause). I'm a trophy husband (my wife typically makes about triple what I do, although I have her beat this year because I made a good chunk of money in the stock market), so I can't relate. I have just observed it from afar. One of the great things about my wife (there are many great things as well as some things I put up with as there are with all relationships) is she didn't grow up with money, so she doesn't want to join the country club, have our kids in horse riding, dressage or cheer or any of those other ridiculous rich girl activities. Our kids girls run and play competitive soccer (I am their soccer coach and I get paid more than it costs to have them in the sport and their running club is free) and we spend our weekends outdoors hiking, paddling and fishing. It is a good life. Hopefully, there are enough good things in your relationship to offset the things you have to put up with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg

ExsessiveAmount wrote:

She is in the sport I fork out the $700 plus a month for it. Too me it is a waste though. She is not super talented at equine . Tge ladt show she did like i said cost us $500 and she DQ'd in every event. At 11 years old she can run 6:20's for a mile with zero training. I just see her as a kid who is wasting talent that is there. I think she could be a high school girl who runs a sub 4:50 mile. I took her to a track and she was hurdling the steeple barriers women's high of course. I think she equestrian for the wrong reasons.

Ok, sorry for doubting that you weren't a troll.

First off, stop sweating the horse thing. I'm personally of the belief that every girl should learn to ride a horse and a motorcycle before they leave the nest. So your investment in her horsing is a good one. I wold reiterate that she needs to participate in the cleaning and care of the horse at the stable to help defray costs.

Secondly, be patient with the running thing. Keep up the family track days and try not to introduce her to the wonders of lactic acid at too young of an age.

I'm sort of in the same boat as you with wanting my daughter to run rather her current sport - gymnastics. (I don't want her to quit the horse thing but I do de-emphasize shows). I think the reason I would prefer her to run rather than flip around is because I know nothing about gymnastics and I pretty much am always assessing running aptitude in every kid I meet. It's sort of my default.

In 5th grade, my daughter's school had a city wide track meet and out of nowhere she said she wanted to do the 1500 like her older brothers and she ran 6:01. I had never really seen her try to run fast before and it was a beautiful site. I think her desire/ability to run was mostly through osmosis as my wife and I still run as well as our two older boys. So while your daughter may not be showing signs of a desire to run, a low key approach, and developing a family running culture would be more effective than angsting over the cost and benefits of horses.

I did some research. $700 is not the most expensive activity for youth. With ice time, cost of gear, youth hockey in MN, WI, ND, CO, MI, AK can cost $1000 per month. A four month youth hockey season can cost $4000 for the season with gear and everything else. Do you have your kids play instruments? If a child has to have their own instrument, playing an instrument is expensive. A.A.U. basketball with hotels and traveling costs a lot of money. You are most likely not looking at cost of A.A.U. T&F. You are looking at cost of shoes and middle school XC and T&F. Ballet & tap dancing costs a lot of money if a parent sends their daughter to an expensive school of ballet &/or dance. O.P., you must be looking at cost of horse riding compared to middle school XC and T&F. If you look at horsing riding compared to other activities, your $700 is about right.

ExsessiveAmount wrote:

I have a question my household income is $150,000 a year after tax we net around $110,000. I was a runner and really hoped my daughter would follow that direction which is not happening. She is in equestrian and we pay roughly $700 a month for her lessons. I am fed up with it and feel like it is running us dry but my wife does not see it that way. The shows which I know she is going to want to do a bunch a year is another $500 per show. Do I have a right to be annoyed with this? I just feel like this is a rich person sport and I am not rich. Not too mention the other parents just suck to be around they are very catty and rude.

Serious, relevant question - how much of that $150,000 does your wife contribute?

That will tell a lot.

ExsessiveAmount wrote:

I have a question my household income is $150,000 a year after tax we net around $110,000. I was a runner and really hoped my daughter would follow that direction which is not happening. She is in equestrian and we pay roughly $700 a month for her lessons. I am fed up with it and feel like it is running us dry but my wife does not see it that way. The shows which I know she is going to want to do a bunch a year is another $500 per show. Do I have a right to be annoyed with this? I just feel like this is a rich person sport and I am not rich. Not too mention the other parents just suck to be around they are very catty and rude.

It's not too much if you want to spend your money on it. But it sounds like you don't.

It sounds to me like you need to sit down and talk about your finances with your wife. Come up with a budget you're happy with and make compromises. That's how most normal couples do it.

It's not about getting upset or getting emotional. It's about making mutual decisions together that affect your family.

And what you want your daughter to be interested in has no bearing on what she'll actually be interested in. But that doesn't mean you have to indulge her every desire.

Before you go into your budget discussion, you should think about what is important for your family and where the horse money can be better allocated. I would argue if you don't have $50-$60k in an emergency account yet, you can't afford anything. Because you're broke and unprepared.