What does a man crush feel like?

On the off chance that this isn't a troll, don't worry about labeling yourself. We have sort of a backwards way of deciding whether we are gay or straight, and then deciding how we are supposed think and act based on the label that we've chosen.

Just be who you are and don't worry about figuring out what to call it. You like a guy right now. Maybe the next person you like will be a guy. Maybe they'll be a girl. Don't treat your sexuality like some disease that has to be diagnosed. Just like who you like and go with it.

Don't worry about anything that you feel. We are all different in our own ways.

My experience is such: A few few years after High School I had a girlfriend who had another male friend and we would often go on dates together. Nothing fancy but going out. Turned out she ended up seeing him after we broke up and I had moved on. A year later she broke up with him and the two us started to have a mutual bromance. we only kissed once... nothing more but to this day remain friends. He went on to have a baby with another woman but is now gay. I have been seeing girls through my twenties and thirties and have desire to be with a man. I guess I was bi-curious and had a plutonic male relationship with a guy who was bi-sexual. Some of my favorite times were spent with him. We admired each other for different things. So don't worry none if this means that you are in fact gay. Just be yourself and enjoy your youth.

probably a troll..

Wow, corrected a typo in there that really changes the story!

I have been seeing girls through my twenties and thirties and have NO desire to be with a man. I guess I was bi-curious and had a plutonic male relationship with a guy who was bi-sexual.

Not trolling, honest to God.

I wish I didn't feel like this. It hurts, its confusing and I can't understand why or how it happened. I'm hoping it's just a temporary thing. I tried distancing myself from him hoping the distance would make me feel normal again. At first he also just ignored me and let me be but then after Christmas break little punk waits for me outside of class, puts his arm around me and asks me what is wrong. What am I supposed to tell him lol? I just said I had a lot of things on my mind lately and apologized for ignoring him. I thought about just not talking to him any more and hanging out with other people but at the same time, I don't want to lose my friend.

Thanks for the advice, but I really hope I am not gay. Nothing against gays, but I just never saw myself living that life style.

Buy a gaydar unit and see if it rings true.

You have to accept that you two are just friends. This is a good life lesson if you are into guys or girls. You need to appreciate your friends. If you can't act normal around them. they will know. So get over it and be friends.

You kissed another man on the planet Pluto?

Also, you meant "You are fine" or "You're fine" as in "This man will be fine", not the possessive "your fine" as if he is going to pay a parking ticket.

Just sound things out before you write them and it will all work out right.

"Your fine" is his name. Proper nouns don't necessarily follow the rules of grammar.

Thanks for the advice. I know this is what I should do. He has been nothing but good to me since we met and when I started to ignore him, I could see him from the corner of my eye looking my way wanting so say hi or smile, but I would avoid eye contact. I felt like sh#t the entire time and could see he was confused and hurting because of my attitude towards him. I was actually relieved when he hugged me and talked to me again and realized ignoring him to suppress my feelings was childish and uncalled for. He has done nothing wrong, I'm the messed up one. I will never again do that to him. I will try to just be a friend to him, love him like a friend and appreciate his honest and pure friendship he has shown me.

OP,

Back in my late teens, I had a similar feeling towards a guy that went to a different high school then the one I went to. He played for an opposing basketball team. I only met him a couple of times and he really didn't know who I was but he seemed nice.

I admired everything about this guy. He was good looking, dressed well, great hair, was a better basketball player than I was, was a top student in his class, was on the homecoming court, was the class president for awhile, he was tall, his dad was a doctor, and he lived at a house on Lake Michigan (I found via my cousins who went to school with him). His basketball team was superior to ours and they kicked our butt every time we played them. I would often dream about guarding him in games to see how well I'd do against him.

I wanted to be him so bad. I had nothing that he had and I would hate myself for not being as perfect as he was.

I'm not gay and I dated girls in HS. I'm married now with two kids and never had attraction to other men....but there was something about this guy that thought was so amazing. Never in a sexual way, but I just adolized him.

I think when we are unsatisfied with ourselves, we look outwards to what other people have and become infatuated when someone seems perfect and is everything YOU want to be. That's the only way I could explain my situation with this guy.

OP, do you like yourself or have self image or confidence issues? I had all of those things in moments of my life and that's why I felt I developed this thoughts about someone of the same sex.

Wow, thanks for sharing your insight. That makes so much sense. Everything you said is what I'm going through and yes, I would say I have self image and confidence issues. His life seems perfect and is everything I want to be. How did you overcome this?

Confused male wrote:

Wow, thanks for sharing your insight. That makes so much sense. Everything you said is what I'm going through and yes, I would say I have self image and confidence issues. His life seems perfect and is everything I want to be. How did you overcome this?

I think just time and a better understanding of myself. I realized that over time that he was very human and normal and not as special as I made him out to be in my head. I sort of followed him after high school to see what he was up to and he ended up going to a very average college and has a very normal career now.

Techincally, I ended up with a better career and a great life. So I sort of stopped caring what he was up to and stopping comparing myself to him.

Also, I thought I was doing myself a huge disservice by not developing my own identity. It's just wasting time trying to be someone you will never be and better to become a unique individual with your own path in life. I started to develop a goal a few years back of trying to be someone I would admire...and that completely changed my view of myself.

Thanks man, this is great advice. It makes a lot of sense and I can see how I ended up in this mess now. I will try to work on myself and stop wanting to be him. Your insight really helped, thanks again for taking the time to respond.

This isn't a sex thing. You probably crave a strong male role model. Is your father divorced and never around? Normally you would look up to him. So this guy is probably is an ideal of fulfilled potential you are trying to strive for.

Otherwise, you're closeted.

OP Not sure I am reading too much of him but it seems you admiration of him matters too much to the guy you talked about. He invited you to his soccer games , wrestling matches and whatnot?

I was a weak person in high school ., and even after. There are personality types that exploit that if they can, and yes, they want you to sort of crush on them sometimes, or they may even be waiting to make sure you are safe to make a play on. The nicer kinder person and sort of dependent person you are , unfortunately sometimes the more vulnerable. That happened to me once, it was not big deal , I politely fended off a groping incident, but the other dude kept up this facade of hyper masculinity, but kept trolling for guys and I suspect , repressing other experiences he had had. We could never really be friends after that because I though he was a big liar and potentially problematic too. Everyone who you reject can potentially become problematic.

Thanks for the heads up. I thought about this as well. At first I did think it was strange for him to be inviting me to his games, especially when we were just ok friends. Then over time as we became closer, I learned he is just really into his sports. He talks about all his sports in detail with me, his opponents, teaches me football plays and schemes, how to qualify to state in wrestling etc. etc. I figured he just found someone in me who also likes sports and listens, is interested and supports his participation in them. He has never tried to be mean and has defended me when others have. I get that there are people who try to take advantage of others because of vulnerability, I have not seen signs of that from him but I am for sure always on the lookout for stuff like that. It would really suck to see that he is not a true friend and just trolling me. I doubt it though because he is always really nice to everyone, that's just who he is. No matter who it is, he takes the time to say hello to adults and students. He has that charisma and personality everyone loves.

He is also really popular now, but was not so much last year when we met as sophomores. He shares things about his life with me that I don´t think he would be if he was trolling me or didn't trust me. He comes from a humble background, very little money and thinks his only way out of poverty is sports. We are also both Hispanic and share similar life experiences. That's why I think he is genuine not taking advantage of me and playing on my weakness and insecurities. I hope I'm not wrong.

How much more latino is he than you? If he has strong connections to let's say, Mexico, there is a big Machismo element of being a successful male. He might just naturally wants to be the bugger guy so to speak and you are like a protege and he wants show off his big rooster chest but also be a gentleman about it.

lovelee wrote:

How much more latino is he than you? If he has strong connections to let's say, Mexico, there is a big Machismo element of being a successful male. He might just naturally wants to be the bugger guy so to speak and you are like a protege and he wants show off his big rooster chest but also be a gentleman about it.

lol yea, maybe. We´re both first generation. Born here, parents were not.

If you're not trolling (and you have no sexual feelings/impulses towards him, EVER) then it's probably just admiration -- because on some pre or conscious level you realize that these qualities he exhibits are appreciated socialy, ergo enhance his social value, and you want that social value too.

That's about it.