I've been married for just over 2 years and I'm considering divorce. I'm in my early 30's and she is in her late 20's.
Last night we had an argument on our way to dinner where I ALMOST completely lost it on her. I had to walk across the parking lot and back before I could talk with her again. The rage has been building for weeks.
Our relationship is complicated by a few important things:
My wife hates her job. She's tried to apply for other positions around the city but hasn't had any luck. She is not on her intended career path will often take her anger home. This anger soon becomes directed at me if I don't comfort her enough - which is incredibly difficult to deal with. I'm always biting my tongue because she is overtly sensitive and it's hell on earth if I decide to fight back. I'm no angel, and I've said a few bad things under duress, but her emotional roller coasters are something I've slowly lost tolerance for. I'd say 50% of the time she very unpleasant to be around, 25% of the time she is "tired" or "sick", and the other 25% is just "functioning." She seeks counseling and is on anti-depressants - and the jury is still out on how effective they've been.
She wants to have a child now so that she can quit her job and fulfill her dream of becoming a parent. The idea of having a child with her is a scary thought....a child would most certainly divide and destroy our rocky partnership. She is also pushing for a child NOW because all of her friends are pregnant and or have had children and she doesn't want to be over 35 and have a risky pregnancy. The major problem I have with this is that my wife has become a non-sexual person. I don't think we've had sex more than 10 times in the 2 years we've been married. We will go several months without any physical contact. We didn't even have sex on our anniversary this year. I've tried to initiate things to no avail. What makes her think that she can just magically turn things around and use me after years of pushing me away?
My wife had a great figure on our wedding day, but has gained 35 to 40 lbs since our wedding. At 5-2, she now weighs more than me (I'm 6-2, 155). I've tried to tell her in a roundabout way that she needs an exercise regimen but she just can't find the will or energy. She will buy a gym pass, and never go. Conversely, she hates the way I look now, and calls me emaciated and sickly. At 70mpw, she feels that I have an obsession. I was at 20-25mpw when we first met and looked "normal" - so she has hated the transformation. She thinks runners are weird and doesn't like being around my running friends. She doesn't seem to grasp that running takes dedication - but it always brings much happiness....which is the most important component of one's well-being. I've done my part to be flexible by running at 5am and on my lunch breaks in order for me to not waste "our" time together.
A few things that have prevented me from going through a divorce have been pride and disappointment. I absolutely hate to quit or fail or let anyone down. We've sought counseling for a year and we just can't make the progress we'd hoped for.
I know Letsrun isn't the best place to post something like this - but I need truthful advice from a few like-minded people. If you post something like this on a "relationship forum", you'll get responses from scorned women who generally see men as the problem anyways.
Thoughts? Thanks.