Considering Divorce

Hopefully a troll wouldn't write this much. I recommend intensive couples counseling. Divorce should be the last option, not your first. Reduce your mileage to 40-50 MPW and be a better husband to her.

I went through almost exactly the same thing you went through, with a few different wrinkles, and I eventually did divorce. I can speak a lot on this issue and I'll probably add some thoughts throughout the day, as I am working right now.

But, the first things I can tell you are make sure you do what is right for you, but also make sure you are 100% sure about you decision. When I went through this, I put myself last in that I worried so much about hurting my wife and about what my family and friends would think. I contemplated just staying in the marriage and sacrificing my enjoyment for the rest of my life. I contemplated just putting on a happy face for the rest of my life, but ultimately after a lot of soul searching I decided on divorce.

Now, you need to make sure this is the right decision because once you start the process, you rarely can go back. Also, it can be costly. I am now paying a portion of my ex-wife's mortgage and renting an apartment that I live in.

Feel free to ask any questions.

why would this even think about this being trolling? Please learn the definition of the term before you start applying it.

You are right about the other thing, divorce should be the last option. Separation seems necessary at this point.

kroger wrote:

Hopefully a troll wouldn't write this much. I recommend intensive couples counseling. Divorce should be the last option, not your first. Reduce your mileage to 40-50 MPW and be a better husband to her.

Why would he reduce his mileage? He runs at 5 am and over lunch breaks. That is not interfering in his marriage. That is a symptom (something she just bitches about because she is unhappy) and not a cause.

Sounds to me if you have been in counseling for a year then it is time to move on. Disappointing and hard but you do not want to continue this way and you do not by any means want to have a kid with this woman.

This is NOT trolling. Thanks for the responses thus far...

But I did have many of the same things. My wife was a runner when we married but then she stopped. Once she stopped she would complain if I was training because she was stuck home cleaning. I told her I'll do all of the cleaning or I'll hire a maid. It was just a small condo and we had no kids, so it wasn't that hard to maintain the home.

She also became very non-sexual and gradually became an authority/mother figure.

Then family and friends started having children and I began to realize that I really could not have a child with her. If cleaning some dishes and/or cleaning a small condo freaked her out this much, she just wouldn't be able to handle a child.

Mr. Obvious wrote:

kroger wrote:

Hopefully a troll wouldn't write this much. I recommend intensive couples counseling. Divorce should be the last option, not your first. Reduce your mileage to 40-50 MPW and be a better husband to her.

Why would he reduce his mileage? He runs at 5 am and over lunch breaks. That is not interfering in his marriage. That is a symptom (something she just bitches about because she is unhappy) and not a cause.

Sounds to me if you have been in counseling for a year then it is time to move on. Disappointing and hard but you do not want to continue this way and you do not by any means want to have a kid with this woman.

You are right in that reducing the mileage will not help. She is not a happy person and seems to need things to complain. Even if he cuts running out altogether, she will find something else to complain about. It may seem harsh, but some women just get that way.

Mos Def wrote:

You are right in that reducing the mileage will not help. She is not a happy person and seems to need things to complain. Even if he cuts running out altogether, she will find something else to complain about. It may seem harsh, but some women just get that way.

I dont' think it is gender specific. Some guys get that way too. Seems (at least in my marriage) that these things can take on a life of their own and become a negative feedback loop. Both people are involved in that, not always equally but always to some degree. It is very, very difficult to break that pattern once it becomes established.

Try your hardest for a year and if things don't work out end the marriage. Don't have kids with her!

Norman,

My brother went through almost this exact same scenario. I echo the comments around getting counseling first and your wife needs to keep treating her depression. His wife went from about 110 lbs to 200 in less than two years after marriage and couldn't hold a job. She just wanted to stay home and have kids, even while battling depression.

Fast forward 15 years, my brother stayed with his wife and they have two kids. The wife still battles depression and major health issues. My brother is working 50 hours/week and takes care of the kids in the morning and when he gets home as his wife can't physically handle it. He's put on weight as well as he has almost no time to himself for working out. She is either in bed or on the computer most of the day. She is not a pleasant person and disassociates herself from family get togethers.

I could not tolerate that lifestyle but he has stuck with her. Life is too short to live that way, in my biased opinion.

There is good counseling and bad counseling, if you have made no progress in a year you need to change counselors.

Norman B. wrote:

This is NOT trolling. Thanks for the responses thus far...

Of course it's trolling . . . but it's fine bit of trolling and you should be proud of it. Up until the second half of your sixth paragraph, it was a pretty masterful piece of work, all in all, but then you reached a bit too much, I think.

Wow man, get out now... divorcing after two years of intolerable unsatisfying marriage is much, much better and easier than divorcing after ten or fifteen years of intolerable unsatisfying marriage with children and significant mutual assets. If it hasn't gotten better in an entire year I don't see any hope that it ever will. You're both still young and can move on.

Camazotz wrote:

Of course it's trolling . . . but it's fine bit of trolling and you should be proud of it. Up until the second half of your sixth paragraph, it was a pretty masterful piece of work, all in all, but then you reached a bit too much, I think.

He lost me when he went trolling for Flagpole with the "risky pregnancy after 35" deal.

9/10.

Very nice.

asdasd wrote:

Camazotz wrote:

Of course it's trolling . . . but it's fine bit of trolling and you should be proud of it. Up until the second half of your sixth paragraph, it was a pretty masterful piece of work, all in all, but then you reached a bit too much, I think.

He lost me when he went trolling for Flagpole with the "risky pregnancy after 35" deal.

Heh-heh. Yes, a fine catch, that.

kjsdf09a5xz wrote:

There is good counseling and bad counseling, if you have made no progress in a year you need to change counselors.

I second this, also it sounds like your wife may want to see another Doctor for her depression as well. Treatment of depression is very much an art and is best addressed through a combo of therapy in addition to medication(s).

My two cents is that her depression is the root of the issue, and depression is a very curable disease if treated properly. Good luck, Bro.

What do you do for a living dude? If you make good money then hell yes you should leave her ass, you could then start getting hot hard bodies in the 18-22 year old age range. As my other thread states, "it's all about the money", so leave the fat bitch of a wife who makes you miserable and start enjoying yourself!

Cephus wrote:

[quote]kjsdf09a5xz wrote:

I second this, also it sounds like your wife may want to see another Doctor for her depression as well. Treatment of depression is very much an art and is best addressed through a combo of therapy in addition to medication(s).

My two cents is that her depression is the root of the issue, and depression is a very curable disease if treated properly. Good luck, Bro.

Her depression came quickly after the wedding, honeymoon, the purchase of our home, and the adoption of a dog. She was pretty intent on having all of these things within the first year. After the thrill of that went away, things took a nosedive. She has been on Strattera and Lamictal throughout our marriage. The dosage has been tinkered with quite often to find the right balance.

She had none of these symptoms or any of this erratic behavior while we were dating. We had dated 2 and half years prior to tying the knot.

She has sought personal counseling throughout our marriage, and we are on our second marriage counselor.