get a 2 bedroom 2 bath place
get a 2 bedroom 2 bath place
I like her utimatum as well.
I can't believe we are 25 posts in and no one has asked the key question here. People there is a biological clock. Everyone is denying it. I'm not trying to be a jerk but as a new father who loves it, I find the advice people give out to be like denying that CeCe Telfer is XY.
Please answer this key question: Do you want to have kids or not?
Shes in her late 30s. She doesn't have much time left.
We can deny biology , we can deny or the differences between men and women or we can acknowledge them. I would say genetically ever species is wired to procreate.
Do you guys want to have kids or not?
Chivalry and the bond between man and woman is a treasure trove. Romance is in the hills. Land in some locations is still affordable. Castles improve with age. The McMansion and mcHallowood will not Reach the euphoric heights. Great love must be built and cultivated. It must exceed expectations to be extraordinary. Humans have many tools to do this. We must build our castles and great places. That’s why I’m singing in the rain...
No F'ing way, I wanted to post the same thought , rojo.
Can u two still make baby?
Ask 50 people on the street and you'll get a variety of answers. Half of my friends lived together before marriage and are fine. Some of my friends wanted to wait until marriage, then one person thought that was dumb and hit the road.
Anyways, no surprise she wants something more after three years. So yeah, you either have to propose and move in, or move in. Or she's probably going to hit the road, rightfully so. I would.
I lived with my wife before we were married for a while and it was great. The problem arises when you live together perpetually without marriage.. then she gets resentful and things get tough. But man.. people do it so many ways.
Thank you to everybody who replied, I am unsure if I want to start a family she is probably leaning towards a yes, my main concern is with some previous girl friends i had a greater physical attraction i couldn't wait to get my hands on them not so much with this girl, but we are much closer in other ways and i don't know if this is something that should concern me or does the friendship and companionship better in the long run?
Forest Runner wrote:
I am unsure if I want to start a family she is probably leaning towards a yes,
I would like to change my response.
Let her go find a better match.
Do not waste her time.
You’re early 40’s and don’t know if you want a family or to move in with your 3 year girlfriend?
Dude when you’re that old you got 6 months to make a decision. Tic toc.
No offense but get your life together man. You ain’t 20.
/thread wrote:
agree with this wrote:
I agree with this. People will scoff at this advice but that's because they just don't want to hear the truth.
+1
Evidence?
(and no, your anecdotes do not count as evidence)
I would say move-in, but maintain separate bedrooms. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years and living together for most of that time, and we have always had our own rooms, we can share a bed if we want to, but always have our own space, for stressful times, or if we are just on different schedules, and honestly its really nice. You sound like a person who is accustomed to having you're own space, I don't think you should give that up...but it doesn't mean you can't share an apartment.
For the record not every woman wants kids, statistically about 20% do not. So I think its pretty strange to assume because a woman after 3 years with this dude wants to move in together, because she wants kids...Also after 3 years hopefully you have that sorted, a strong yes or no....I myself do not want kids and neither does my boyfriend....Its not that uncommon.... but hopefully the OP is willing to have that frank discussion....To the OP, Don't be wishy washy, if she wants kids and you don't, tell her!.....don't let it drag out and waste her time.
a woman for once wrote:
For the record not every woman wants kids,
But the OP said "she is probably leaning towards a yes,"
If she is late 30s and leaning that way and he isn't, he has to let her go find a new person.
Moving in destroys her potential of ever having a child that she probably wants.
a woman for once wrote:
For the record not every woman wants kids, statistically about 20% do not. So I think its pretty strange to assume because a woman after 3 years with this dude wants to move in together, because she wants kids...Also after 3 years hopefully you have that sorted, a strong yes or no....I myself do not want kids and neither does my boyfriend....Its not that uncommon.... but hopefully the OP is willing to have that frank discussion....To the OP, Don't be wishy washy, if she wants kids and you don't, tell her!.....don't let it drag out and waste her time.
If something is the case 80% of time (as you admit in your post), then it is not at all “strange” to assume it is the case, in fact it is a completely reasonable assumption.
40 year old man asking for relationship advice on an anonymous running forum?
I guess you have no peers, friends or colleagues to ask. That’s leads me to conclude that you still live with your parents and that they are finally tell you to get a life.
So congratulations. I hope it works out between you and your new roommate. You can’t expect her to wait on you as well as your mother did. You need to be patient with you as she learns how to serve and take care of you.
You may need to buy her flowers, jewelry and new clothes occasionally to keep her happy.
If you start thinking about marriage then you need to read the post nuptial shutoff thread before proceeding.
Congrats and good luck. You can do this tiger!
As a forty-something male this is a decision you can't possibly make on your own so I applaud you for coming to an anonymous message board primarily focused on running.
You've already stated she's more of a friend, she's not as attractive as you'd like, she might want kids when you don't, and she's the alpha dog. Knowing all of these facts it's very clear to me that you won't rock the boat and you'll move in together.
You'll then regret the decision for as long as your relationship lasts and you'll be passive aggressive until she leaves you and you'll then regret not holding on to her longer. This will create a vicious cycle in all of your future relationships.
I hope this helped.
Obvious Answer wrote:
As a forty-something male this is a decision you can't possibly make on your own so I applaud you for coming to an anonymous message board primarily focused on running.
You've already stated she's more of a friend, she's not as attractive as you'd like, she might want kids when you don't, and she's the alpha dog. Knowing all of these facts it's very clear to me that you won't rock the boat and you'll move in together.
You'll then regret the decision for as long as your relationship lasts and you'll be passive aggressive until she leaves you and you'll then regret not holding on to her longer. This will create a vicious cycle in all of your future relationships.
I hope this helped.
This is possibly one of my favorite posts ever on this board, and I'll wager very close to the truth.
Well done!
rojo wrote: Do you guys want to have kids or not?
We have them by accident, then disover we love them lol!
Time to grow up wrote:
You’re early 40’s and don’t know if you want a family or to move in with your 3 year girlfriend?
Dude when you’re that old you got 6 months to make a decision. Tic toc.
No offense but get your life together man. You ain’t 20.
^^^Exactly this. Wtf - you're early 40s and don't know if you want to move in with a gf of 3 YEARS and whether on not you may want a family ?! Mate, you act like you're a kid or very young adult - it really is time to grow up. and make a decision. Real life stuff - things that really matter - if it's no, let her move on and find it with someone else asap. She's late 30s and has no time to waste. It may even be too late for her. You're in your 40s - you're probably not exactly a catch yourself!
So..grow some.. be a man and do it or don't. Either way, stop wasting her time!
Unusual advice wrote:
Don't move in with her until you marry her. When two people move in together outside of marriage they go into it with different expectations. The man goes into it as a way to see if this is what they want. The women goes into it as a way to progress towards what they want. This can create a huge problem. When you move in as a married couple you go in to it on the same terms.
No one in my wife's family or my family moved in with each other until they were married and no one in either family has ever been divorced and I would say everyone is very happily married. This is pretty rare these days but it is the way to go.
WTF? I have lived under the same roof as my woman for 21 years, and we are not married. Oh, I forgot! You´re an American. The 21th century first world country where living together outside of marriage is still considered a "sin".
a woman for once wrote:
I would say move-in, but maintain separate bedrooms. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years and living together for most of that time, and we have always had our own rooms, we can share a bed if we want to, but always have our own space, for stressful times, or if we are just on different schedules, and honestly its really nice. You sound like a person who is accustomed to having you're own space, I don't think you should give that up...but it doesn't mean you can't share an apartment.
You just want to fart at night.