HS XC Coach texts my 15-year old daughter - should I put a stop to it?

A lot of opinions here, I would call your phone provider and see if they can release the texts to you. You need to find out what the content of the texts are. Shouldn't be a problem because she is 15, not an adult. She doesn't yet have reasonable right to privacy.

Really concerning that they are texting at night before bed. In best or worst case scenarios I'd report it to the assistant principal or principal because that doesn't sit well with me no matter how innocent it is. Don't get the athletic director or coach involved. I would do this as quietly and privately as I can.

Still waiting for how without reading the texts the dad knows it's the coach that is constantly texting? How do we know the coach hasn't sent a handful of harmless texts every now and then but the girl responds with "Oh Coach ____" when asked who is texting her each night because she doesn't want to admit it's her friends or a boy.

You haven't "read" the messages however you know it's the XC coach texting late at night and not her friends?

Anyways if it were me. I would just be completely honest and ask if she is texting her coach at night. And if she is ask her openly if she would be willing to ease my mind about what exactly is talked about. If you have a good relationship with your daughter she would be honest and put your mind at ease. I'm not exactly how long this has been going on for but if it is excessive or gets worse then you probably know your next step is to get more involved by either approaching your daughter that this seems to be a bit excessive or approaching the coach and be straight forward about your disapproval off late night texting to your child looks extremely suspicious regardless of what is actually said.

A proper coach should know what arbitrary lines should not be crossed and by first glance i would say this requires immediate attention for i can't seem to understand what can possibly be said about running every night that can't be discussed openly at their practice/team meeting.

You need to be able to have a solid trust between your daughter and daughters coach or your mind will be wandering like mad. So get a grip on things early. Also it might not be a bad idea talk to your wife about it for woman can connect with daughters about certain things they'd never talk to dad about (for example : "do you find your coach cute?) Also, perhaps it could be your daughter playing the cards and initiating the texting in the first place. Don't get too carried away too early until you know what exactly is being exchanged, but this certainly does warrant some attention to make sure this is entirely innocent.

This thread is suffering from lack of input from OP.

I'm a coach. I will never text a runner. I will rarely email a runner unless all the other runners are included in the email. I will never give a runner a ride in my car. I *highly* recommend that all coaches take the SafeSport on-line class. It really is worth the time.

hs xc coach2 wrote:

I'm a coach. I will never text a runner. I will rarely email a runner unless all the other runners are included in the email. I will never give a runner a ride in my car. I *highly* recommend that all coaches take the SafeSport on-line class. It really is worth the time.

Calm down dude, it's 2017 not 1980. People communicate differently. Agree on the giving rides part.

Remember the bro code. Don't interfere.

I would read them in a heartbeat and wouldn't feel guilty about it at all. Your sole purpose in life is to protect your daughter, and keep her from making stupid mistakes while she is still maturing. If something were to happen, she would be an emotional wreck for the rest of her life and you would never be able to forgive yourself. Do you want that to happen? So what if she gets mad at you for reading her text messages, in ten years, she'll be happy you were looking out for her.

For the other posters who said they coach and communicate with hs athletes this way, you should probably stop, its a terrible idea. All it takes is for one message to be taken the wrong way and your career is over.

agree. wrote:

For the other posters who said they coach and communicate with hs athletes this way, you should probably stop, its a terrible idea. All it takes is for one message to be taken the wrong way and your career is over.

We don't know what this way is. As I mentioned it's 2017, texting is a perfectly acceptable for of communication. It's pretty easy to text something that can't in any way be taken the wrong way.

I agree that something sounds off here, but I would see the messages before taking any drastic action. As an athlete in high school (male), I frequently had conversations over text with my coach (also male) that were always running-centric.

I agree that something sounds off here, but I would see the messages before taking any drastic action. As an athlete in high school (male), I frequently had conversations over text with my coach (also male) that were always running-centric. Verify that something is wrong before you do something.

I have a very good feeling that what is being sent is IN MY OPINION, inappropriate. I really don't want to go into details, but I got a glance of what I thought was a pic he sent of himself shirtless. I am not 100% certain, but I swear that's what I saw

OP's daughter probably has a bad home life, and likely suffers from abuse at the hands of her parents. She is reaching out to a trusted adult for help. Hopefully the coach knows what to do to get her out of the situation.

If this was real which it's not

-Ask to see the texts from your daughter

-If she refuses take her off the team and tell the school to be cautious of the likely predator

Dad Concerned wrote:

I have a very good feeling that what is being sent is IN MY OPINION, inappropriate. I really don't want to go into details, but I got a glance of what I thought was a pic he sent of himself shirtless. I am not 100% certain, but I swear that's what I saw

3/10. Actual OP gets an 8/10.

My HS coach just emails the runners. Texting at night sounds super creepy.

Dad Concerned wrote:

I have a very good feeling that what is being sent is IN MY OPINION, inappropriate. I really don't want to go into details, but I got a glance of what I thought was a pic he sent of himself shirtless. I am not 100% certain, but I swear that's what I saw

TROLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I have a 17-year old. Anytime I think something is strange my overprotective fatherly instincts kick in.

Here is what I'd do.

1. Look at all her texts with the coach.

2. Determine if everything was running related.

3. if running related tell the coach to not text so much and not after Xpm. I'd also let him know my concerns and that it would only be appropriate in as group texts with the team.

4. if not completely running related I'd go to the coach and tell him to stop texting altogether.

5. if anywhere in there he asks or insinuates for the child to meet him without the team or for a team practice I'd get the AD involved and potentially the police.

Hopefully he is just sending out group texts to motivate the team and your daughter is not the only one getting them. There is a good chance this is happening. Best case he is a young motivated coach that wants to have a good program.

Listen I'm gonna be completely honest here. Me and my old coach would do the same thing and the topics of conversation went from running to how's your day to I'm lonely to sending nudies. So either that's what's going on Orrrrr she possibly is talking to a guy she doesn't want you finding out about and just putting his contact name as coach(Did that once too). Either way whatever is happening is not good and you need to step in before somone gets hurt like what happened with me.