What is the worst you've been friendzoned?

AnotherPerspective wrote:

You know sometimes we don't have to think every relationship with a woman needs to result in sex. The concept of the friend zone is pretty backwards. Why can't you just be friends with a woman and not harp on the friend zone if she doesn't want to sleep with you?

That's called the friendzone. There is nothing backwards or forwards about it. It is simply when a girl only sees you as a friend. I don't understand why some of you are taking so much offense to that idea.

OP?

https://tribunecontentagency.com/article/workplace-relationship-has-romantic-readings/

my teammates had a running list of girls that either "friendzoned" me or I "friendzoned" (I prefer rejected since mine were more just flat refusals...), it was up to 12-13 just for a year and a half of college I think? One month after the last miss* I started going out with a girl I had been (not super close) friends with for over a year. The timing was right. Sometimes people aren't ready, sometimes they're not ready for you and never will be...because its you. After playing games and getting played for a couple years, it's been great having someone where the interest goes both ways.

*this is arguably the worst one, and it's not even that bad because I never spent any money

So I'm tutoring Girl A's roommate, Girl B, all semester and over spring break I'm staying at school and so is Girl A. (Girl A had set up this tutoring deal because I knew her first and had talked to her a few times, fyi...I'm interested in A but not B). One day I ask her to go out and we go to this museum and just check it out for a few hours, have a good time, talk and all that. We get back and I try to make more plans to hang out, and she goes "oh yeah that'd be great, we should when [Girl B] gets back. I think you guys would be really cute together! blah blah..." while my ears promptly shut off. Still friendly with both, and finished out the semester of tutoring being a little more distant. And right before the last session I had started dating someone else...maybe that's why she never asked for more help...hmmm

Deegree wrote:

AnotherPerspective wrote:

You know sometimes we don't have to think every relationship with a woman needs to result in sex. The concept of the friend zone is pretty backwards. Why can't you just be friends with a woman and not harp on the friend zone if she doesn't want to sleep with you?

That's called the friendzone. There is nothing backwards or forwards about it. It is simply when a girl only sees you as a friend. I don't understand why some of you are taking so much offense to that idea.

I think the distinction you are missing is the type of situation where the girl is initially or occasionally/sporadically not relating to the guy in a "we're-just-friends" way. That could take many different forms, including kissing, flirting, dates, etc. However, it is certainly true that some guys are seeing signs that are not actually there; they're seeing what they want to be true. The answer, of course, is in the middle.

john utah wrote:

I think the distinction you are missing is the type of situation where the girl is initially or occasionally/sporadically not relating to the guy in a "we're-just-friends" way. That could take many different forms, including kissing, flirting, dates, etc. However, it is certainly true that some guys are seeing signs that are not actually there; they're seeing what they want to be true. The answer, of course, is in the middle.

I didn't miss anything. The poster I was replying to is the person who is missing what you said. All I said was that the friendzone is a real thing. It has nothing to do with a girl being inappropriately flirty or dishonestly interested. It just simply means she just sees you as a friend.

What many of you guys are talking about is not being friendzoned. It is being lead on, teased, or manipulated.

Good lord, dudes. Can't believe this is still going on. For all you young men, the friend zone is something that you create for yourself and in no way should you blame a female for this. Don't be like a puppy dog, following around a girl, hoping that she finally notices how wonderful you are and you're the boy that she should be with. Nobody respects you when you do that, not even your friends.

Blaming girls for leading you on or being overly flirtatious is just immature and stupid. Girls and young women know they are attractive, like attention, might be friendly, and some may not even realize that you hold this deep attraction that you wish to act on. Its within their agency to behave how they see fit. It's within your agency to choose your reaction.

If you want things to be more physical with someone, and they obviously don't, accept it and move on. Most people are not special enough for you to wait indefinitely for them to be attracted to you. If they aren't now, they probably never will be.

And you can maintain light friendships with women, it's not that big of a deal. Just don't turn into a sad following puppy dog.

just clarifying wrote:

So is the idea behind this whole "friendzone" concept basically that every girl who speaks to you is obligated to fuck you and that you are a victim any time this does not occur?

Totally rational conclusion alert...

Vivalarepublica wrote:

But... but... but... she said I'm a good boy and scratched me behind the ears!

Deegree wrote:

It has nothing to do with a girl being inappropriately flirty or dishonestly interested. It just simply means she just sees you as a friend.

What many of you guys are talking about is not being friendzoned. It is taking the lack of sexual interest as some kind of personal offense.

Fixed that for you.

great post - two paws up!

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

Deegree wrote:

It has nothing to do with a girl being inappropriately flirty or dishonestly interested. It just simply means she just sees you as a friend.

What many of you guys are talking about is not being friendzoned. It is taking the lack of sexual interest as some kind of personal offense.

Fixed that for you.

You didn't fix anything. You changed what I wrote. Why didn't you just make your own post?

Ok, I guess it's just semantics, but I understand what you are saying. My response would be, personally, that I'm not all that interested in having close friends that are female outside of romantic relationships. I've been married quite a while so those days are long gone for me.

And by "friends" I'm talking about close friends: one on one spending time together, lots of communication, hanging out, etc. That type of a relationship for a female usually seems reserved for other females or gay guys. There are exceptions, but that's the norm I believe.

Vivalarepublica wrote:

Blaming girls for leading you on or being overly flirtatious is just immature and stupid. Girls and young women know they are attractive, like attention, might be friendly, and some may not even realize that you hold this deep attraction that you wish to act on. Its within their agency to behave how they see fit. It's within your agency to choose your reaction.

How is blaming girls for leading you on being immature? It is quite reasonable IMO. If a girl tells you she wants your dick, then you are about to give it to her, and she then denies it, multiple times, why not get fed up? Who wouldn't?

A girl I was talking to and was mutually getting flirty with told me she'd like to hook up. I told her the same, but mentioned I wasn't getting feelings involved.. One night at 2am she says she wants to hang out. I tell her we can go for a drive and chill in an empty parking lot. Once I'm waiting outside of her house to pick her up, she texts me "i'm almost ready.. oh btw no hook up."

I put my gear into reverse and took my ass home right then.

Mind you that would have been the 5th time we hung out in an empty parking lot late at night, and no action went down (when she expressed she wanted action to happen) so I finally put my foot down.

JustAHookup wrote:

A girl I was talking to and was mutually getting flirty with told me she'd like to hook up. I told her the same, but mentioned I wasn't getting feelings involved.. One night at 2am she says she wants to hang out. I tell her we can go for a drive and chill in an empty parking lot. Once I'm waiting outside of her house to pick her up, she texts me "i'm almost ready.. oh btw no hook up."

I put my gear into reverse and took my ass home right then.

Mind you that would have been the 5th time we hung out in an empty parking lot late at night, and no action went down (when she expressed she wanted action to happen) so I finally put my foot down.

Well if hanging in your car isn't gonna drop those panties I don't know what will.

The problem is that you put up with that kind of BS for five times and didn't put your foot down after the first or second incident.

I personally don't resent or blame women for any type of behavior that might be perceived as slutty, promiscuous, overly flirtatious, misleading, or deceitful. On this planet, it's your job to detect BS behavior and call people out for it when it occurs. You didn't do that the first or second time it happened, and allowed the BS to continue.

So sure, keep blaming girls for leading you on while you don't keep the firmware on your BS detector up-to-date. I'm my view, the fifth trip to the parking never should have occurred.

you sound like a huge entitled a55hole. angry at the world bc rejected by a woman lol!

I went out on a couple of dates with this woman, I thought she really

liked me, and then things kind of cooled off.

just clarifying wrote:

So is the idea behind this whole "friendzone" concept basically that every girl who speaks to you is obligated to fuck you and that you are a victim any time this does not occur?

No, it just means experiencing unrequited romantic interest in someone you spend time with. You can say that you've been "friendzoned" without vilifying the girl.

There are people who become resentful if friendzoned, but that bitterness isn't warranted unless she deliberately misrepresented her feelings.

(Note: not the same as you misreading her cues.)

Not sure why you can't have this in a romantic heterosexual relationship as well. In fact that is what I would be looking for in a relationship, not just sex but someone who can hang occasionally, talk and do things with out feeling you're attached to the hip or feel like you should be committed (although I prefer to be monogamous). Hard to be single these days...sigh.