Snooped through gf phone

I can't believe the thread has made it this far without the obvious question:

PICS?

Anyway, all joking aside, there are periods in every relationship where there are "crisis" points. A good relationship usually finds a way to get past them, often getting stronger in the process. A relationship on a weak foundation often goes south when crisis points come up. This is a crisis point. But, it's also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and see what it's made of. You both can use this to work on a more open trusting relationship.

Right now, BOTH of you are being dishonest and not open in your communication. There's a lack of trust. This doesn't bode well unless you all have an open honest talk about it. I tend to think that what she did was worse overall but what were your motivations for looking in her phone in the first place? I also feel it's important to be open about past indiscretions even from 2 years ago. Why isn't she being open with you now? Why doesn't she feel safe now? Is it to be sleazy or is it she's afraid to lose you? All this can come out if you both have a respectful open conversation about it. If you can't both be genuine and human, then is the relationship really that good?

Now, some people are saying don't fess up to your part. That's just game playing. That's not the foundation of a lasting, close relationship. if she plays the "game" where she throws what you did back at you, then say: "That's game playing. I admit that I made a mistake. But now I want open, honest, real communication on both sides. Trust is an important issue and we need to get there. People can make mistakes and work things out but they shouldn't just try to play games and 'win' "

LET IT GO!

Her cheating was "just a few months after we started dating." Those early months of any relationship are testing the waters to make that important decision to keep going or get out. Even with her mistake of the PAST, she has chosen you...and it's been two years now.

Meanwhile, you did an equally bad thing of snooping through your girlfriend's private email/texts. Believe it or not, she has a case against you for not trusting her & invading her privacy...in the PRESENT.

Now, you BOTH have sins to carry with you.

Good luck!

Snoopers Get What They Get wrote:

LET IT GO!

Her cheating was "just a few months after we started dating." Those early months of any relationship are testing the waters to make that important decision to keep going or get out. Even with her mistake of the PAST, she has chosen you...and it's been two years now.

Meanwhile, you did an equally bad thing of snooping through your girlfriend's private email/texts. Believe it or not, she has a case against you for not trusting her & invading her privacy...in the PRESENT.

Now, you BOTH have sins to carry with you.

Good luck!

Agree. It's fine for you to feel jealous, but totally understandable for a person to have a fling in the first few months of a new relationship. If she were sure it was going to work out with you, I'd say she was desperate or deceiving herself.

I'd drop it if you are sure she's committed to you now. If not, deal with your insecurity directly, not by trying to make her feel guilty. That will fail.

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

the messages implied they had sex or damn near close to it

Sounds like she met up with Bill Clinton

If your relationship is in a good place right now, then let it go. Don't bring it up.

I was in a similar situation very recently. I brought it up after it was over and she had put it behind her/us. Things were going well for us, and the confrontation brought it all crashing down. She said she had moved on and we were in a good place, but bringing it up undid all of the healing.

So if you are happy with the current state of your relationship with her, then don't bring it up.

^ This is the only answer you should take away from here.

I'm someone who had end of dating start of monogamous sex a few months into dating my gf. I came clean and we've now been happily married for 6 years. The key is you have to tell each other EVERYTHING.

There are no secrets in successful relationships.

Here's what you do:

Go back in her phone and take a screen grab of her texts. Ask her about them in some way. If it's no big deal and she answers in a way you're comfortable with, you're good.

If not, it might be time to get out. If the shoe were on the other foot, would she want to know how far you took infidelity? I bet she would

Do you two live together? Have children? Do you know the other guy? Was it a one-time thing or were there multiple instances? How long did it last?

Beyond those questions for her, why were you looking at her phone? Are you suspicious that she's cheating on you now? Did you think she did then?

You have to decide whether you can live with this, but my guess is that you can't. Most men can't, even if they think they can. I'd start thinking about how to ease your way out of the relationship.

You snooped through it while she's AWAY? She's away with other guys, dude.

You've brought your intelligence into question in this thread in myriad ways so I would be skeptical of your reading comprehension and discernment. I doubt that your statement here is accurate based on what you've read.

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

the messages implied they had sex or damn near close to it

Dan Rowan wrote:

Here's what you do:

Go back in her phone and take a screen grab of her texts. Ask her about them in some way. If it's no big deal and she answers in a way you're comfortable with, you're good.

If not, it might be time to get out. If the shoe were on the other foot, would she want to know how far you took infidelity? I bet she would

This is the right idea. After you have your proof just ask her if she hooked up with anyone else after she started dating you. If she says no she is a probably still cheating on you now. If she's not, she will. If she admits it you don't ever have to bring up the phone.

Heads up wrote:

You've brought your intelligence into question in this thread in myriad ways so I would be skeptical of your reading comprehension and discernment. I doubt that your statement here is accurate based on what you've read.

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

the messages implied they had sex or damn near close to it

F U CK off dickturd. No one likes posters like you.

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

Attn: How or do i even confront my girlfriend? I made the classic mistake of looking through her old phone while she is away and found messages regarding a single instance of infidelity just a few months after we started dating. We have been together for almost two years now. LetRun ethicists, what should I do?

Dump her and find a new, loyal, gf. It will hurt, but you've got to move on.

You just got a cheat card, bro. Hang onto it. This means you get to do whatever you want until you get caught. Travel for work, it's on. Weekend with the boys, it's on. Hot chick at work, it's on. Bachelor party, it's on. Even if you cheat 10 times, if you get caught insist it was the first time and bring up the fact that she did it too. Congrats on the cheat card. Use it well.

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

the messages implied they had sex or damn near close to it

HOLY CARP!! THIS IS HER OLD PHONE. IMAGINE WHATS ON HER CURRENT PHONE!!

She cheated and got away with it. Do you honestly think she won't or hasn't since???

Dump her and move on. Have some self respect.

I agree. You need to get her wasted and when she passes out go through her current phone. Once a cheater, always a cheater. For real. I know plenty of girls who never cheated, but I've never met a girl who stopped cheating.

new phone wrote:

I agree. You need to get her wasted and when she passes out go through her current phone. Once a cheater, always a cheater. For real. I know plenty of girls who never cheated, but I've never met a girl who stopped cheating.

This +100000000.

Unless you can find more facts forget about it. She'll deny and/or only be as truthful as she feels she needs to be. Plus you look like a douche for snooping...

go to talkaboutmarriage.com to the fidelity forum and read up. you really only want to ask questions you know the answers to. Like I said, she'll only be as honest as she needs to fool you.

I should know, I've been through this.

It's a good opportunity to see how honest she is which is important for going forward, right?

Infidelity sucks and MUCH more prevalent than people think.

Eatin' ain't cheatin' wrote:

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

the messages implied they had sex or damn near close to it

Sounds like she met up with Bill Clinton

Actually with the Orange-Cheeto, Trump.