I never showed my mom in 55 years the limitless love she showed me my whole life. She will die in next few days.

By contrast, my mother is a malignant b!tch who was very open about wishing she never had kids. There was never a normal day growing up.

Sorry dude. Just make her last days the best they can be and forgive yourself.

OP,

You are describing the normal parent/child relationship. It is almost always one sided. It's ok if you pass it on.

you still have time to tell her, tell her how much she means to you and that you love her very much

We will have to make a decision soon, but just trying to feed her, or brush her teeth or massage her feet allows me to think I am making her more comfortable.

Be happy if she is happy.

My grandmother (mom's mother) died happy. The entire family was together. She smiled the entire time. She hugged everyone, then said, "it is time for me to go to sleep." She passed away at home, quietly, that night. She has a smile on her face.

My mother, in contrast, was angry at everyone at the end of her life. Complaining, cursing (something she never did), and crying, "Lord, just let me die." She passed away in a hospital, with just a few of us toughing it out, and was miserable until the end.

That contrast always stuck me. Two such extreme opposites.

Tough one there wrote:

Be happy if she is happy.

My grandmother (mom's mother) died happy. The entire family was together. She smiled the entire time. She hugged everyone, then said, "it is time for me to go to sleep." She passed away at home, quietly, that night. She has a smile on her face.

My mother, in contrast, was angry at everyone at the end of her life. Complaining, cursing (something she never did), and crying, "Lord, just let me die." She passed away in a hospital, with just a few of us toughing it out, and was miserable until the end.

That contrast always stuck me. Two such extreme opposites.

OMG - my mom always so happy. She was volunteering at the same hospital she is at until recently - she is 87. She has always been so kind to others.

Already in mourning wrote:

We will have to make a decision soon, but just trying to feed her, or brush her teeth or massage her feet allows me to think I am making her more comfortable.

Talk to her, whisper in her ears, kiss her face.

She will hear you. Make the most of the little time that is left.

I went through this with my SO, and regret all the things that I didn't say.

ohohoh wrote:

you still have time to tell her, tell her how much she means to you and that you love her very much

This. No need to go into minutiae. Just tell her you're sorry for whatever. Keep it short and make the best of the time left to you. I told my mom funny stories about growing up. She really couldn't laugh, but I could see the joy in the corners of her eyes. You want to be able to look back at these moments with a bittersweet smile and remember the good things. That's what she would want, too.

My Mom died unexpectantly 10 yrs ago from a heart attack. I loved her so much, but I also wish I would've been better to her, more thoughtful for her. Tell your Mom what she means to you. Now that I have 2 kids of my own, I realize the magnitude of the love she had for me.

Been there, done that.

Let her know how much you appreciate her and how much you love her. Tell her you will meet up again and don't worry about anything. Bring her her favorite food and share it with her along with her favorite flowers. Keep a stiff upper lip.

You can't make up for the past, but-- as others have said-- be there as much as you can and just spend whatever time you can. Talk about everything and anything-- doesn't have to be profound or apologetic.

When my mom was in her last days suffering from pancreatic cancer, I called her every night, even though I'm not a phone chatterer. A few nights all either of us could do was just say good night. I was able to do that for a little over two weeks before getting "The Call" from my in-town sibling.

Thoughts are with you.

Last year I lost my mom after she had had two strokes. She couldn't talk, but could sometimes acknowledge what I or others spoke to her. Every time you see her tell her that you love her. Any time may be the last time, make each of them count. The look on her face will tell you it was worth it.

3/10

Tycobb wrote:

OP,

You are describing the normal parent/child relationship. It is almost always one sided. It's ok if you pass it on.

This. It's normal... You said yourself you were a good son. If that is true and you do good in the world, that is enough. You loved your Mom and she knew it. It wouldn't have been fair to either of you for you to have her be the center of your universe. That's not how life works.

Not to make this about me at all, but I had to finally cut my mother out of my life this year after dealing with incessant hatred and borderline insanity for over a decade. I am only 28 but will probably either never speak to my mom again or very little, and there aren't many good times to look back on. Be thankful for what you had, and keep the good times in your heart and mind after she has passed.

Sorry for your loss.

actors not characters wrote:

Sorry for your loss.

She's not friggin dead yet arsehole.

Wish you the best. Don't think about the past, just make these days count.

3/10 wrote:

3/10

2/10 as he got to two pages.