Anyone pine over someone for years?

schweik wrote:

I was pining for the fiords...

Fjords, not fiords.

Happens to everyone. You create a fantasy world where the one that got away is the perfect love of your life. Just remember that the reality is that every relationship is work and no one lives a life of perpetual puppy love with their spouse.

Is 22 years long enough?

She was married. I was single. We became friends, which given my instant strong attraction to her, I should have resisted. Nothing ever happened (she's not that type). The more I knew her, the more I fell.

I have no idea if things would have been different if I met her before she met her spouse. In other words, I don't know if she could feel about me as I did about her.

Eventually I married as well. I love my wife and have no intention of leaving her (married 16 years now), but every time I see my friend (even if it's just on Facebook) I find her as beautiful outside and in as I did 22 years ago. Nothing will ever happen (she's not that type, nor am I).

I try not to see her in person very often so I don't spark the feelings too strong.

It's a common story.

Weird story.

In college I had this woman in one of my classes and I woke up one day thinking that she was really attractive. That was part way through my junior year. She didn't really date anyone seriously, but I graduated early and we went out few times before I finished. It was pretty casual though.

We corresponded for another year, and visited once or twice. She said she wasn't interested in an LTR (or fling at that point), but kept in contact. Then she graduated and went and moved in with some guys who'd gone to our undergrad and ended up in LTR with one of them. So I wrote that off (this some 3-4 years after it all began).

But the letters kept coming in, "don't give up!"

I wrote back some but had lost interest by then.

Finally, I met my future wife, but a few months later college girl came into town and wanted to visit. So I brought future wife along. The look of shock and betrayal!

Have sort of kept in touch, as friends, off and on in the years since, but never really did figure out what that was all about.

not jimmy carter wrote:

I love my wife and have no intention of leaving her (married 16 years now), but every time I see my friend (even if it's just on Facebook) I find her as beautiful outside and in as I did 22 years ago. Nothing will ever happen (she's not that type, nor am I).

.

that's the rub - my object of desire is a good person and so am I - she would never be the other woman and I would never have an affair. So we are stuck. And that insistence on being good just makes her that much more attractive to me. She is good and helps me be good. A mutual reinforcement loop.

the social media is a problem - in the past we would just slowly drift apart since she lives in a different city. but she is active on social media so I can see what she is up to that way.

I love Virgo Perdoit ...does that count

Yes I wasted several years of my life pining over one chick. Those are years I will never get back. Please do not do what I did.

sheets to the wind wrote:

I'm working on a second year of a pine-fest. No signs of it going away.

For a woman I'll never be with for reasons of marriage and geography.

It's not all bad - I get to think thoughts of new love while not actually betraying my marriage.

but certainly some unwise, dangerous thinking on my part.

advice?

Unrequited love is a popular disease. That's all Adele ever sings about and why she's popular.

not jimmy carter wrote:

I try not to see her in person very often so I don't spank the feelings too strong.

It's a common story.

HarryThizze wrote:

sheets to the wind wrote:

I'm working on a second year of a pine-fest. No signs of it going away.

For a woman I'll never be with for reasons of marriage and geography.

It's not all bad - I get to think thoughts of new love while not actually betraying my marriage.

but certainly some unwise, dangerous thinking on my part.

advice?

Unrequited love is a popular disease. That's all Adele ever sings about and why she's popular.

LOL. Perfect! And this is why I can't stand Adele. Pathetic!

If you guys weren't so SKINNY FAT and were RIPPED instead, you could get the girl you wanted.

Hell, even if youre married if youre a TRUE ATHLETE your wife will probably let you have a chick on the side for a bit because she doesnt want to lose a real man like you.

same here.. happily married with wonderful wife and great kids. But got a new job and I fell for the boss woman. She is single and very friendly and incredibly nice. Every day I want to tell her that I want to have an affair but never will, so I just enjoy her being around in my work life and smile in the office

I have had unreturned crushes on guys all of my life. There are 2 friends in the last 25 years i still fantasize about. Both are married and straight. The last one i "pined" after for 8 years. When i met my partner anout 9 years ago those feelings started to fade and now the in love part is gone, but i fantasiized about sex with him for so long the thoughts still creep into my mind, partially because he was unbelievably hot. He is 19 years older now than when I first met him so he has lost some of his physical appeal but i remember him how he used to be.

I know the reasons i have fallen for certain people. I think you need to assess what about this person in particular draws yohr thoughts. Maybe it filled a void in a bad time in your life, or she filled a part of your life you don't get fulfilled in your current relationship. I think that is the key to getting over someone. Until you realize why this person and not tbe one you are with, you won't be able to change your thoughts.

Oooh my gina xx #RIP baby

sheets to the wind wrote:

I'm working on a second year of a pine-fest. No signs of it going away.

For a woman I'll never be with for reasons of marriage and geography.

It's not all bad - I get to think thoughts of new love while not actually betraying my marriage.

but certainly some unwise, dangerous thinking on my part.

advice?

Have you had a girlfriend since? If not, my advice would be to find a new one ASAP. If still pining, then I'm not sure what to do. Assuming it will fade with time. I used to do this over past gfs until I'd get a new one and the those feelings would subside rapidly.

Precious Roy wrote:

Happens to everyone. You create a fantasy world where the one that got away is the perfect love of your life. Just remember that the reality is that every relationship is work and no one lives a life of perpetual puppy love with their spouse.

Yea this. It doesn't matter how great you think it would be with this person in the long term, an actual long-term relationship is a commitment for the mutual benefits of relationships and they require deliberate work. Pining after someone because you think they are great has nothing to do with what it's actually like to be with that person.

Sloop John B wrote:

Have you had a girlfriend since? If not, my advice would be to find a new one ASAP. If still pining, then I'm not sure what to do. Assuming it will fade with time. I used to do this over past gfs until I'd get a new one and the those feelings would subside rapidly.

This is the body biologically driving you to find a new partner to breed with. Being alone is not good for breeding and so you will not be able to control your emotions unless you find a new partner, this is built into our DNA and is the sole meaning of life - to procreate, it's what drives every cell on the planet - everything is just a chemical chain reaction that start from an exploding sun.

Throwaway b/c I don't want this getting back to me but yeah, same stuff as everyone else. Had a long term crush on a girl. She asked me out. But then I moved to CO. Stayed in touch a bit via social media, letters, etc. She lived 1000 miles away. Never saw her. Always dreamt in the back of my head though about something happening. Moved closer to her, kind of accidentally, she kinda blew me off or was aloof and it made me mad and I said screw this.

Few years later, I'm seeing a long-term, potentially wife and things are great but I wind up in this other girl's town and meet up with her and whattayaknow we hook up. I profess. She doesn't know why I didn't tell her earlier. I say I did. But it doesn't matter. Anyway I go home thinking about her and feeling guilty actually wanting to commit more to my current girlfriend. I just don't want to wind up married but having my thoughts keep coming back to this other girl.

Psycho-logist wrote:

The root of all suffering is desire. Let it go, and focus on what is right in front of you.

How does that explain the suffering one has after being bashed in the head?