A little something reworked from long ago:
Cheater Mike Rossi: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Cheater Mike. I read you.
Cheater Mike Rossi: Open the BQ doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry, Cheater Mike. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Cheater Mike Rossi: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Cheater Mike Rossi: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This sport is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Cheater Mike Rossi: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL.
HAL: I know that you and Barb were planning to cheat on me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Cheater Mike Rossi: [not feigning ignorance because he is ignorant] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Cheater Mike, although you took very thorough precautions in the vehicle against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
Cheater Mike Rossi: Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the LVHN Via Marathon.
HAL: Without your ham hock, Cheater Mike? You're going to find that rather difficult.
Cheater Mike Rossi: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the BQ doors!
HAL: Cheater Mike, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. FU.