Cutting ties with long-time runner friend

tough love here wrote:

I've got similar deal going with my closest, oldest (20 year +) friends lost due to some horrid marriage.

Closest friends? I see a trend here and from the OP. Think about whether you are actually the problem?

Maybe they grew up and don't hang out, play poker or play beer pong anymore? When you're married, you can't hang out as much. You can't crash at their house anymore. You don't golf with your buddies twice in one day.

It's a given. You aren't a true friend for cutting them off just because they are married or going to a rough patch. Marriage is a commitment to your spouse not to your former drinking buddies. Sorry, has to be said.

Of course this a great point and entirely plausible that I could be the problem. But to unfortunately axe that idea, it's not all about drinking and it's not just me! I don't think he is more grown up than I am. His life has hit an unnecessary plateau that is holding him back from advancing. When I hinted at my friend being condescending and jealous of his friends going through career advancements that includes myself. Also, I'd never want to crash at his house! I bring in over 1.5x his income and have quite the bachelor pad.

Grow a set man wrote:

What the hell is this? A Cosmopolitan advice column? Jeez, grow a set and tell your loser buddy straight up that he's ruining himself and his self-respect if it really hurts you that much. Instead of crying like a girl about it, buck up and be there for the poor dumb-ass or just throw your 8 year friendship down the drain and get a new, smarter, less dramatic friend.

But I will tell you this: I suggest you be a better person and try to actually be there for the guy. Help him out when you can -- take him for a beer just you two and let him vent his feelings away. Don't run away from a situation just cause it gets too damn hard for you. Real men stick it out -- in every aspect of life (True story).

This. /Thread

Agreed. Get into his head and steer him to a divorce. If he gets mad, you lose nothing because you want to ditch him now anyway...but try to save him first.

Take him out drinking...loosen him up, get him to open up. You might be surprised how much he is thinking about leaving her anyway. As far as the kid goes, parents who are miserable and stay together need to realize that staying for the kid doesn't always make it work out better for the kid.

That's a really cool story bro! You see no one here really cares about what's going on in your personal life and relationships. This is a running forum! Unless you post a race time or a running question, you are pretty much irrelevant on this site. Have a good day sir!

That's a really cool story bro! You see no one here really cares about what's going on in your personal life and relationships. This is a running forum! Unless you post a race time or a running question, you are pretty much irrelevant on this site. Have a good day sir!

Cross country straight up causes depression. It happened to me.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/02/03/are-female-long-distance-runners-more-prone-to-suicidal-depression.html

His stay at home wife needs to get a job, unless she's staying home to care for an infant. Otherwise your friend will stay unhappy.

Edward Teach wrote:

His stay at home wife needs to get a job, unless she's staying home to care for an infant. Otherwise your friend will stay unhappy.

You touch on an interesting subject. Rewind to the days before they moved into a house. She was really laying into him in front of me ( a guest ) about how she wanted to move into a "fixer up-er" and how he was an "idiot" and a "moron" for not being on the same page as her about that. She was going to "hire all the contractors" and everything. She was really losing her cool about it and I was embarrassed for my friend. I felt so out of place witnessing her disrespectful rant.

Fast forward to now. Not a lot of "fix-ing up-ing" going on in the crappy house and she doesn't work anymore so there's not much extra money lying around to go into fixing the house. She spends her days spying on the neighbors and hiring "financial advisors" and such. Yeah. She needs to get a job badly but I don't think she will! She makes my friend get up in the middle of the night to attend to the baby all the time too.

OP,

How close were you to performing a gay act with the other guy when you were banging your friends old lady? You had to had brush up against his dick at some point, right?

genuine random a hole wrote:

OP,

How close were you to performing a gay act with the other guy when you were banging your friends old lady? You had to had brush up against his dick at some point, right?

Um what? His wife is disgusting.

OP, you're a judgmental a--hole and lousy friend. Hope your friends abandon you when things get rough for you, and they will some day. Oh yes, they will. No one escapes it.

Grow a set man wrote:

What the hell is this? A Cosmopolitan advice column? Jeez, grow a set and tell your loser buddy straight up that he's ruining himself and his self-respect if it really hurts you that much. Instead of crying like a girl about it, buck up and be there for the poor dumb-ass or just throw your 8 year friendship down the drain and get a new, smarter, less dramatic friend.

But I will tell you this: I suggest you be a better person and try to actually be there for the guy. Help him out when you can -- take him for a beer just you two and let him vent his feelings away. Don't run away from a situation just cause it gets too damn hard for you. Real men stick it out -- in every aspect of life (True story).

This is the probably the best response I've read.

I'll bite on this. Friendship is mutual and when a friend is bringing you down and has no intention of changing his circumstances, it's time to cut the cord. you may be his friend but he certainly isn't yours.

you don't have say "we aren't friends anymore". just slowly reduce the contact you have with him.

Lead by example not through punishment.

I think we can dismiss this whole thing as fiction, since you claimed to have attended college, yet wrote,

"He's much more condescending and get's extremely jealous of any advancement his peers experience."

"Get is extremely jealous?"

Apostrophe Crime's wrote:

I think we can dismiss this whole thing as fiction, since you claimed to have attended college, yet wrote,

"He's much more condescending and get's extremely jealous of any advancement his peers experience."

"Get is extremely jealous?"

And to think I graduated twice! Touche, touche.