Anyone dated a girl with a borderline personality disorder?

Why does it bother you if she is talking to a guy? Are you that insecure? If you do not trust her, why are you bothering with her in the first place?Does grabbing a person's phone seem "normal" to you? No wonder she was upset...I would completely lose it as well.This reminds me of those posts anorexics leave on here hat complain about "getting enough calories" when really they want to eat as little as possible and are just seeking reassurement from random internet posters.

gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

Well, I grabbed the phone (which is not like me) because I heard she was talking to a this guy...it was true. I'm not normally like that. I like to think I'm pretty stable.

Anyone else been with a BPD girl and feel like they are becoming different themselves? All of this illogical behavior makes me go crazy. I feel like I'm becoming unstable myself. So maybe you are right.

What is the percentage of BPD on online dating sites?

Frightened Inmate number 5 wrote:

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

Nice argument. I mean, when you consider that your IQ appears to be that of a retarded earthworm I'd say you did well to put forth a completely vacuous statement.

Good job!

Nah, you just don't get the joke.

I thought it was pretty funny !

Sorry, but everybody got the "joke". It just happened to be so lame that it is difficult to believe that anyone past the age of high school could have thought it was funny.

Here, given your maturity and IQ perhaps you will find this riddle funny:

"What's brown?"

Totally cracked up a 10-year old I know. That's about where you are, no?

"Bro"? Seriously?

OK bro, I'll try to "chill out".

As far as the use of plural - pretty sure I already explained this. If you are too stupid to understand standard English I can't help you.

How does one get into a relationship with someone who is seriously mentally ill? I can't speak for others but in my case the relationship started WAY before the really nasty symptoms showed up. Originally brilliant, sexy, charming, beautiful...

Chill, Bro!

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

perhaps you will find this riddle funny:

"What's brown?"

Your schlong after poking your boyfriend ?

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

Sorry, but everybody got the "joke". It just happened to be so lame that it is difficult to believe that anyone past the age of high school could have thought it was funny.

Here, given your maturity and IQ perhaps you will find this riddle funny:

"What's brown?"

Totally cracked up a 10-year old I know. That's about where you are, no?

Yeah, that must be it bud. Don't know why I'm responding to a pis sy idiot with the word Butt in their handle. The joy of the interweb, I suppose.

Frightened Inmate number 5 wrote:

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

Sorry, but everybody got the "joke". It just happened to be so lame that it is difficult to believe that anyone past the age of high school could have thought it was funny.

Here, given your maturity and IQ perhaps you will find this riddle funny:

"What's brown?"

Totally cracked up a 10-year old I know. That's about where you are, no?

Yeah, that must be it bud. Don't know why I'm responding to a pis sy idiot with the word Butt in their handle. The joy of the interweb, I suppose.

That's what I thought, a child.

Back to homework, son.

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

perhaps you will find this riddle funny:

"What's brown?"

Your schlong after poking your boyfriend ?

Wow, that's really clever. Funny thing is that is the same answer that the little 10-year olds gave each other and cracked up over.

You must be so proud!

You too wrote:

Why does it bother you if she is talking to a guy? Are you that insecure? If you do not trust her, why are you bothering with her in the first place?

Does grabbing a person's phone seem "normal" to you? No wonder she was upset...I would completely lose it as well.

This reminds me of those posts anorexics leave on here hat complain about "getting enough calories" when really they want to eat as little as possible and are just seeking reassurement from random internet posters.

B]gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

Why are you bashing the OP ? You are taking his actions out of context. Like he said, he was starting to feel unstable himself in dealing with the BPD. That's what they do. The try and undermine you. They make you doubt everything and pit you against other people. Now, if you just met somebody you wouldn't do that. But after a few years of slow immersion into the the toxic relationship, you do things you would not normally do. This is a symptom of people in these toxic relationships. Cut him some slack. If she didn't react to him grabbing her phone she would have made something up to be let loose on him about - its what they do. It was never about the phone.

Really ? You were talking with 10 year olds about poking your boyfriend ? Sick man. Your parents must be proud.

Come on guys. Let's all chill on the insults and name calling. This is a good thread, let's not let it devolve into a typical LRC trollfest.

Having been in this situation myself I'd like to share that when I encountered problems at first, I did exactly the opposite. I remained collected and cool. I didn't grab her phone and look because I didn't want to see. Instead I tried talking to her.And then I tried talking to her again a few weeks later.And again after six months.And 9 months later, AGAIN. And the day before Christmas. The week of Valentine's Day.And then finally one day, I lost it and grabbed her phone when I knew she was texting back and forth with some random guy she gave her phone number to.I feel for the OP. I know his encounter with the girl suspiciously texting someone isn't the first time it happened. What he fails to realize right now is he has a window of opportunity to run away from it instead of sitting around and waiting for shit to hit the fan. Because it will hit the fan hard eventually. It always does.

OK, but really, I think it's only one individual stinking up the joint.

The rest of us are trying to help the OP and also letting him know he's not alone, and he's not going crazy.

Subway runner wrote:

... BPD is a mal-adaptive response to your environment. This means that if a woman with BPD has a daughter, the daughter can very likely learn these same traits and be BPD themselves. This isn't genetic but learned behavior.

...

What you need to understand is that it's not a chemical disorder like bipolar that can be treated, it's a PERSONALITY disorder that describes how they deal with the world. In that sense there's almost no treatment for it and it's one of the least treatable psychiatric disorders ever known.

This supports my experience, and I am glad to find we've a medically educated fellow or two here.

The girl in my grateful past lost her mother to cancer (she said) some years before we met. Later, she would describe to me the "pact" she and the mother had made shortly after the mother's being cancer-diagnosed. They both agreed, and the mother (she said) pushed for this, that should she, the mother, succumb to her illness, the daughter was sworn to suicide, that neither should be left alone without the other on either side of the great divide. The mother (she, the daughter, said) pushed and reinforced this all the way through her illness and onto her deathbed. Obviously the daughter ended up rather defaulting on her end of the bargain.

I never knew or met or saw even so much as a photo of the mother, but I cannot help my opinion that this is a rather, shall we say, unorthodox method of parenting not terribly likely to yield a well-functioning, emotionally stable offspring. I say this as a non-parent though, so cannot justly claim the right to an informed opinion.

I am also among those who stand in the behavioural, learned, non-treatable camp. I consider this an environmentally absorbed condition, not a traceable chemical pathology. The rest is simply the usual psychiatric revisionism. I would concede though on the treatability question with the caveat that behavioural therapy is impossible without the proposed patient is conscious of her disorder. You cannot constructively medicate this one away, and as has been illustrated in the anecdotes collected here, most of these people refuse to acknowledge there is anything wrong with them, preferring to go down with their own doomed ship. I believe originally the term "borderline" was employed to indicate some functional mid-point on the spectrum between neurosis and psychosis, but today the lines separating "normal" social behaviour and responce have become so heavily blurred that the "borderline" term now indicates basically that immense grey area between "regular" MTV-style narcissism and destructive, chemically malfeasant mental illness.

While they are busy revising just where this "illness" lands in the spectrum of disorders formerly collectively known as "being an arsehole," they really should award it a new name. The borderline these days is simply too wide and too dissipate for any hope of appellative accuracy.

Crazy,

It's just as likely she made up all that stuff about her mother. Remember, manipulation, intimidation and lies are key parts of the arsenal of any self-respecting BPD gal.

My first (thoroughly decent) ex-wife would agree with you in that all this diagnostic baloney is simply, in her words "an excuse for bad behaviour".

Haha, she's so 1950's :-)

Unless you have some serious issues with how to interact with people, you'd get out of that at some point.

Thanks for the support. Right on with this. EXACTLY my feelings and what I was going through. As far as the guy bashing me...I guess I don't blame you. Grabbing her phone was something that I don't do...it was not right. I should've just left. First, most incredible sex I have ever had...still is. She is wild and loves everything. At the very beginning, she was the most amazing girl I met. I actually looked up to her. Very soon, things started to look strange. She came to my college with her friends to drink and she started yelling at a girl that was on my track team. She told me this girl said she was trying to bang me and she was upset about that. The truth was, that never happened. I was really confused and just let it go thinking she was confused with what she heard. That same night, one of the friends that came with her straight up told me she was a little crazy. Again, I took it as we were all drunk and not a big deal.Things got worse when I started noticing her getting mad and crazy whenever she drank. And I'm being serious when I say EVERY TIME she drinks. She started getting physical...hitting me....saying I'm not a man...almost breaking my fingers...and looking like a completely different person. However, the next day she would always be sorry. She would act like it was no big deal. One good story is when we went to an NFL game, We met my friends there. I only had two beers because I was going to drive us home at halftime. She was pounding the beers. When we left, I was obviously nervous that she was going to get crazy and she could tell. I didn't say anything! But she started bashing me...saying I was such a loser and no fun. I calmly tried changing the subject, but it didn't work. We ended up walking to the car, but she would not walk with me..only ahead of me. I saw her up ahead stop and start talking to this other couple..when I passed her, I quietly said "come on babe"...she pulled away and wouldn't. I was upset and kept walking...we could see the car. I ended up at the car looking back waiting and suddenly the girl from the couple was running at me...started screaming at me...almost jumping on me and punching me. The girl was screaming, asking me how I could leave my girlfriend by herself and treat her so bad. I had NOOO idea what was happening. I went and ended up having to pull her to the car because she was going nuts.At that point, I assumed it was a drinking problem. Even though I knew her anger was still really bad when not drinking. In any case, I made excuses about it all. She said her ex boyfriends abused her and her mom was terrible to her when she was little. I felt terrible and still do. I figured the behavior was due to a horrible child hood and bad boyfriends.Man, I guess I'm just kid of rambling. It feels good to talk to you guys on here that went through this. I have so many stories and I think she must have BPD.Last thing. The worst part is probably the verbal assault she puts on me. She will say I'm the most amazing guy she has ever met..that I've changed her life. However, then that night we might get in an argument and then she changes who she is...calling me a p&ssy...laughing in my face about being such a loser. It is so traumatizing! Then 30 mins later she will call me and apologize.I guess I just need to man up. I can't imagine how horrible she might make it if I break it off. I just have this feeling she will make me feel so depressed by finding other guys right away and making it known. Who knows.I appreciate the feedback from everyone.

I forgot. One day at the bar, I was in the restroom and she walked in trying to have sex with me. Now, listen...I love that idea. We actually did that once before. However, she was pretty drunk and the bar was so small, everyone saw her go in. I was laughing and being sweet, but said "we can't babe, later we will" She flipped out.. ran out of the bathroom back to the table of our friends. She sat there and said "he's a p&ssy, he won't have sex in the bathroom".

Crazy shit.

gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

She gave me a bj in a dept store changing room. It was awesome.

But the accusations that all her ex's were abusive to her - check.

Saying I'm the most amazing guy she'd ever met/I'm so lucky to have met you, blah blah - check.

And in terms of worrying about whether she gets another guy quickly. Damn sure she will. She needs the drama and craziness. Just be lucky it's not you.