Xfit_guy_the_real_1 wrote:
Old Man Runner wrote:This thread is useless without pics!
Ha, we already know she gained weight mostly in the belly and not where it counts.
I already laid out the solution.
Now it's up to the OP to fix the situation.
Oh, CrossFit guy, trying to change someone else's behavior is never the solution.
Now, if you'd like someone to analyze YOUR fixation with arbitrary food rules and cult-like devotion to Cross Fit, I am accepting new patients.
As a female having been through something similar (except I had only gained 15 lbs and didn't have kids), I can tell you that it's impossible to be happy gaining that much weight, especially if she used to be thin. You can't run fast, your clothes don't fit, and you LOOK FAT.
Because she's at home all day, you have no idea how much she's eating, and she probably doesn't even realize it either. I agree that she should write down everything she eats. Even better, go to Weight Watchers to get support. When I did, I was shocked at how much MORE I was eating than I should have been (and I've never been into fast food or junk either). It's a safe, healthy way to lose weight.
I wouldn't be worried about her unless she continues to gain weight. 150 pounds at 5'5" is just barely overweight by BMI. She's probably healthier than she was in college.
Anyway, she is most likely eating too much during the day. Is she stressed/bored at work and overeating as a result? Running doesn't burn THAT many calories, and many people seem to overestimate how much they can eat while running 25 mpw or whatever, even if they should know better.
Regardless, there isn't anything you can do other than suggest fun, active things to do together. You could take more walks or go play tennis or something. But no woman wants a guy policing her eating and exercising habits, as I'm sure you could guess.
Ah, didn't catch that she was a SAHM. Advice still stands.
What's her diet like? Does she eat a lot of carbs?
Contrary to popular belief on letsrun, it's not as easy as calories in/calories out. There is a difference if you consume 2000 cal in form of coca cola or 2000 cal in form of eggs. Because she won't stop after 2000 cal of coca cola but eat more whereas the eggs will keep her full.
Peace Out wrote:
As a female having been through something similar (except I had only gained 15 lbs and didn't have kids),
FYI- Not all women are as neurotic as you about gaining a few pounds here and there.
Husbandoliver wrote:
I am being 100% serious so please don't be too mean. I expect some jokes, but realize that I am worried about this in real life.
My wife was a D1 XC and T&F runner, as was I. We did not run for the same school, but met in college. She has never had any eating disorders in the past.
We have been married for 8 years and have two kids (5 and 3).
She still runs and seems to keep a pretty healthy lifestyle, but she is gaining a lot of weight. I'd say 30 pounds in the last year-and-a-half. If I had to guess, I'd say that she has gone from 120 to 150 pounds. She is 5'5". In college, she was closer to 105-110, but she was very, very thin.
Anyway, I am not complaining about it for my own sake. I am legitimately worried about her. None of her family members are overweight and this doesn't appear to be a hereditary thing. We have a happy marriage and spend a lot of time together. She seems to eat a healthy diet and the only time i am not with her is when I am at work. She is a stay-at-home mom but remains very plugged in and social. She does a lot of charitable work, too.
She complains about it, and finally I told her to go see a doctor. She got mad at me for acknowledging her weight gain.
Anyway, I want my old wife back. Any advice is appreciated.
My wife went through the same thing at one point. I just enjoyed the curves. She's since lost virtually all of it. I guess if she keeps growing it might be cause for concern but 5ft 5 and 150lbs is not terrible anyway.
There is ONE WORD that will work for losing weight, getting healthy, etc. and that word is YOGA! If EVERYONE did Yoga the hospitals, diet clinics, etc. would be EMPTY! Get a book, video or just look at the net and follow a simple routine. BOTH of you do it everyday and it is MAGIC!
Fast Dude Runner wrote:
Contrary to popular belief on letsrun, it's not as easy as calories in/calories out. There is a difference if you consume 2000 cal in form of coca cola or 2000 cal in form of eggs. Because she won't stop after 2000 cal of coca cola but eat more whereas the eggs will keep her full.
So then you are NOT comparing 2000cal v. 2000cal.
I get your point, but calories in/out IS the primary driver of weight gain.
This is definitely not uncommon among women. I say just enjoy it or tell her that she is getting fat while being sincere at the same time. That might be tough because women are super sensitive beings. Get used to it, it's probably only to get worse as the children age into teenagers and cause more stress.
Telling her she's getting fat could backfire. When you say something like that a couple of things could happen: (1) She will crash diet down to nothing and possibly become anorexic (and I'm not kidding about this) or she'll eat more, b/c the food will offer solace.
If you're focusing on her appearance without seeing any of her other qualities, that's where her focus will be and if you show you don't like how she looks, the result is unlikely to be good.
What do you like about her. Better you focus on that--on things about her that you can't do without.
Instead of making an issue of her weight, maybe find more time to run together or suggest entering a race you've both wanted to run, then train for it together--especially a race in a place where you've both wanted to visit.
You don't want to put her on the defensive. It's not a good place for either of you.
Could be a retention issue -cake retention
Your wife is a stay at home mom with two pre-schoolers. She is now a mother 24/7. She needs help in breaking out of that 24/7 part of the mom equation.
I'd suggest that she join a couple of weekly workout groups at the YMCA. My Y has maybe 20 classes a week and some of the women have been attending the same workout class together for years. Women love these things... something about the social/herd mentality of women or whatever. Regardless, they get addicted to the classes.
I've gone with my gal friends and was blown away by how tough the workouts were. She'll make new friends and more important, develop some new role models rather than the fatties she's meeting in her charitable work. (Sorry to be blunt, but with 67% of the population overweight, the only non-fatties are adults who make exercise a priority in their lives. Right now, that's not your wife.)
Oh, and add CrossFit to that weekly routine if you can afford it. For all the grief we give CrossFit here, it's fun and can be addictive if you get in a good group.
Bottom line: She needs more personal time away from the kids and ideally should spend that time in some sort of high intensity exercise class. The nutrition should adjust itself once she starts hanging out with fit, athletic peers who are having fun exercising together.
LOL!
knower of things wrote:
150 pounds at 5'5" is just barely overweight by BMI. She's probably healthier than she was in college.
She needs more personal time away from the kids
+1
The answer is there's nothing you can do about it. Shes gotten too comfortable. If she doesn't care about losing weight, then it won't happen. All women balloon after the kids come out. Now you know why you hear so many guys cheat. Your marriage, at least in a sexual sense, is over. Hope you enjoy jacking off in the shower because that's the most turned on you're going to get.
Old news wrote:
This is definitely not uncommon among women. I say just enjoy it or tell her that she is getting fat while being sincere at the same time. That might be tough because women are super sensitive beings. Get used to it, it's probably only to get worse as the children age into teenagers and cause more stress.
This is "not uncommon among women" AFTER they get married and have kids. That's when reality sets in...she realizes that, despite all the talk about "sharing child rearing responsibilities," SHE is the one who is expected to devote her entire life to the children. So she eats to block out her pain and resentment. He, meanwhile, continues to enjoy his work, hobbies, and friends without interruption. And then he whines about HER to an anonymous message board.
Let this be a cautionary tale for all young, unmarried women out there--DON'T BE SO QUICK TO GIVE UP YOUR INDEPENDENCE FOR MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN. Otherwise, you'll end up like the OP's miserably unhappy wife!!
Two words:
Pure Barre
Lift, Tone, Burn
Just make sure you don't end up on the bottom.
Steve on a cell in Brooklyn wrote:
5ft 5 and 150lbs is not terrible anyway.
Steve, that's actually quite heavy. Consider that 95% of us trolls on LRC weigh less than that. I would guess that the OP's wife is heavier than the OP now.
I can see how the OP doesn't find that to be at all attractive. For comparison's sake, he just about described Rachel Ray. 5'5" is short and a little stumpy.
http://static.becomegorgeous.com/img/arts/2013/7/rachael-ray-s-weight-loss-story/rachel-ray-diet-secrets.jpg