Huh :/
Doritos.
You sound like you need to be tickled :D
Huh :/
Doritos.
You sound like you need to be tickled :D
Everything Everything wrote:
atownrunnin wrote:Please...I did all of the above. I showered my wife with affection and attention, I helped with the kids, did dishes, folded clothes, cleaned bathrooms, mowed the lawn, fixed the cars...all of that while working two jobs and 60-70 hours a week, and at times I worked three. She still treated me like crap and once the kids came along intimacy was totally over. I never cheated, I asked for a divorce because cheating was going to be my next option and I didn't want to put my wife or kids through that. There are plenty of guys out there that give their hearts and souls to their wife and family and get nothing in return. Halfway through our marriage I agreed to move away from a house and community I loved to live near her family, and that was the biggest mistake I made because after that I was of no use to her.
No offense, you seem like a good dude, but your biggest mistake is that you did too much. You became Beta and not Alpha. You let your wife get away with too much, so much so that she had basically no accountability in the relationship. You should have layed some serious smackdowns prior to her cranking out kids. You let her get away with everything, and her final shot is now that you are "no use to her".
Typical princess b*tch.
Not picking on you...it happened to me too. I went above and beyond, worshipped my wife, etc. She just sat and acted miserable. I was a whipped passive puppy...and I too left my wife because I knew I deserved better.
After the split, my counselor told me to work on establishing boundaries. Simply tell your next partner what you will and will not stand for. They may hate your rules, but they will respect you for it. If they break the boundaries, LEAVE.
Simple solution to all of the above - avoid relationships if you want to remain emotionally sane and healthy. Find a friend with benefits and keep it at that. If that doesn't work, then forget the friend part, just get the benefits.
What's wrong moonpie :)
I'm almost out of charge! I will try to connect soon
Reading this thread makes me never want to get married.
POW wrote:
Reading this thread makes me never want to get married.
Yeah tell me about it. Actually the thing that clued me to this is that I found out there is a big swingers scene in my town. I can just imagine a bunch of old fat wife swapping geezers humping each others wives. Or like being some old dude who gets off on getting cuckolded. That is so lame.
50yo Dude wrote:
Charlie Freak wrote:Some really ignorant assertions being made by folks on this thread, i.e. "women after 30 are useless sexually". That is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Has to be some inexperienced early 20s guys.
I'm in my late 40s and since my marriage ended 3 years ago, I have been with women from 28 to 48 (hit the bar scene for first time in 20+ years and had a BLAST on Match.com before finding a keeper). There are plenty of fit, beautiful, very sexual 40-something women out there who are READY, IYKWIM. My theory, based on observation and conversation, is they were sexually and/or emotionally repressed in their marriages and are "awakening" and feeling free for the first time in years.
The girl I've been with for the past 1 1/2 years is 42 and looks about 30 from head to toe (blonde, 5-7, 118, runs, does yoga and works out regularly). We go at it 5-7 times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. She can't get enough.
I've been with younger and "older" recently, and I say there is nothing sexier than a 40-something chick who is fit, takes care of herself AND is hot to trot. Great sex for women doesn't end at 30, people.
Sorry, mods, if the above was TMI. I just thought over-30 women were getting a bad rap and the record needed to be set straight.
This is a man speaking from experience. You can't sexually compare a 20 something woman with woman in her 30s/40s. There is no comparison. The 20 yr olds are usually just babes and no nothing, still shy, have hang-ups, etc. All that typically goes away in the 30s/40s. Women are absolute fvck monsters in their 30s/40s. Sadly, that tends to change once they enter their 50s.
In my thirties I dated a 19 year old.
In my 40's a 22 year old.
In my 50's a 25 year old.
You don't know what you are talking about.
The younger the woman, generally, the less sexual repression (unless she is from the bible belt, in which case, all horror shows apply).
The less sexual repression...the more open they are to the fun of learning EVERYTHING.
The most sexually open women I've known have been 25 or under.
Now, when I was 25, and younger, women were still dealing a bit with the double standards and other aspects of sexual repression in society.
Lets Get Real Fellow wrote:
Frogger wrote:This is an interesting topic and as a married man who enjoys the chase and flirtation stage (though I've stayed faithful so far) , it's got me wondering how many men are trying to hook up with my wife?
She's quite attractive and has a decent social life so if every man is like me, there must be quite a few people who want to bang her.
If she's attractive, you can bet more than quite a few. There's probably a lot of things she doesn't tell you about all the dogs in heat chasing her.
You got your metaphors mixed up a bit there, fella.
anon amie wrote:
50yo Dude wrote:This is a man speaking from experience. You can't sexually compare a 20 something woman with woman in her 30s/40s. There is no comparison. The 20 yr olds are usually just babes and no nothing, still shy, have hang-ups, etc. All that typically goes away in the 30s/40s. Women are absolute fvck monsters in their 30s/40s. Sadly, that tends to change once they enter their 50s.
In my thirties I dated a 19 year old.
In my 40's a 22 year old.
In my 50's a 25 year old.
You don't know what you are talking about.
The younger the woman, generally, the less sexual repression (unless she is from the bible belt, in which case, all horror shows apply).
The less sexual repression...the more open they are to the fun of learning EVERYTHING.
The most sexually open women I've known have been 25 or under.
Now, when I was 25, and younger, women were still dealing a bit with the double standards and other aspects of sexual repression in society.
I don't which teens and 20 somethings you've been with, but they must truly be the exception rather than the rule. Young women don't come close to comparing to 30/40 year old women sexually. It's like HS football v. pro football -light years apart. You go on believing what you want to believe, but you're clearly out of touch with reality.
anon amie wrote:
50yo Dude wrote:This is a man speaking from experience. You can't sexually compare a 20 something woman with woman in her 30s/40s. There is no comparison. The 20 yr olds are usually just babes and no nothing, still shy, have hang-ups, etc. All that typically goes away in the 30s/40s. Women are absolute fvck monsters in their 30s/40s. Sadly, that tends to change once they enter their 50s.
In my thirties I dated a 19 year old.
In my 40's a 22 year old.
In my 50's a 25 year old.
You don't know what you are talking about.
The younger the woman, generally, the less sexual repression (unless she is from the bible belt, in which case, all horror shows apply).
The less sexual repression...the more open they are to the fun of learning EVERYTHING.
The most sexually open women I've known have been 25 or under.
Now, when I was 25, and younger, women were still dealing a bit with the double standards and other aspects of sexual repression in society.
I guess if you're into playing daddy and working with trainees, then the young ones may be ok. But who the fvck wants that? Not me.
I'll just toss this one in the mix and see what happens:
You say all these women are attractive physically, and are obviously smart too. I know it's not only me who has noticed hot girls tend to marry a certain type of 'alpha' type guy, stereotypically a bit of a narcissistic d-bag who usually has some coin, social currency, good looks etc.
Maybe they're just reaping what they've sown with their choice of partner. What seems hot and enticing in one's 20s, with said men available and interested because you're hot yourself, can turn out to be a complete pr*ck in the mid-30s, trying desperately to claw back some pu$$y like when they were young and on the swim team or whatevs.
Clearly there's a correlation cause not every man cheats. Maybe attractive women choose men who are by their nature more likely to cheat.
And, in that case, sucked in, b*tches.
You live in la la land. As long as she is faithful she needs to say nothing.no need to make him worry or pressure her into changing jobs. Sounds like she has control of the situation.
mgm wrote:
It's better if your daughter is open with her husband about these things. If he finds out by accident, her credibility suffers even if the guys are the ones pulling strings and she's faithfully holding them off.
I'm the OP here. Since this thread is about done, let's sum up what we've learned...
1) All married men, whether happily or not, constantly think about having sex with other women.
2) Happily married men will never cheat, even if presented with a hot young thing who is DTF.
3) Unhappily married men cheat to passively aggressive get back at their wives as a way of instigating divorce. They also cheat for the self-esteem boost to make up for the fact that their wives are not meeting their needs.
4) Women in their 30s/40s are better in bed than women in their 20s. Yet for some reason, a lot of guys are in sexless marriages with women in their 30s/40s.
5) Guys who cheat do not think about the future ramifications to their children or finances. They are only concerned about getting some strange.
6) Women do not read letsrun. Of the 90+ posts maybe only a couple have been from women.
7) The societal norm that cheating must be followed by divorce is convoluted. If mistresses were an accepted societal norm there would be much fewer divorces and messed up families.
Thread closed.
I'm a 22 year old male, and have known for years that I will never get married. Reading this thread re-affirms everything I believe about marriage and how almost no one who is married is happy.
There are a couple of books out that talk about the differences in men and women. One is Men are From Venus, Women are from Mars, and the other is The Five Love Languages. But both books are talking about the same thing, speaking the language that your spouse hears. So if your spouse needs certain things to be happy in the relationship, learn how to do those things even if they do not come naturally. People stray and cheat if their basic needs are not met by the spouse, either a man or a woman. This is about men cheating, but just remember that they are cheating with a woman, so women also cheat, almost as much as men. Probably more, but get away with it because most men assume that THEIR wife would NEVER cheat on them. Hah!
To the guy who said he did everything and his wife still was cold to him, she doesn't care about those things, YOU do. You are not speaking her language, you are trying to force her to speak yours. While it is great that you help out around the house and work hard, I bet she just wants to spend more time with you, and maybe get your undivided attention. Or maybe she needs for you to tell her that she is pretty, or whatever. You are not giving her what she needs. It is a little crazy, but a good relationship is giving the other person what they need. Give and you will receive.
Everything Everything wrote:
atownrunnin wrote:Please...I did all of the above. I showered my wife with affection and attention, I helped with the kids, did dishes, folded clothes, cleaned bathrooms, mowed the lawn, fixed the cars...all of that while working two jobs and 60-70 hours a week, and at times I worked three. She still treated me like crap and once the kids came along intimacy was totally over. I never cheated, I asked for a divorce because cheating was going to be my next option and I didn't want to put my wife or kids through that. There are plenty of guys out there that give their hearts and souls to their wife and family and get nothing in return. Halfway through our marriage I agreed to move away from a house and community I loved to live near her family, and that was the biggest mistake I made because after that I was of no use to her.
No offense, you seem like a good dude, but your biggest mistake is that you did too much. You became Beta and not Alpha. You let your wife get away with too much, so much so that she had basically no accountability in the relationship. You should have layed some serious smackdowns prior to her cranking out kids. You let her get away with everything, and her final shot is now that you are "no use to her".
Typical princess b*tch.
Not picking on you...it happened to me too. I went above and beyond, worshipped my wife, etc. She just sat and acted miserable. I was a whipped passive puppy...and I too left my wife because I knew I deserved better.
After the split, my counselor told me to work on establishing boundaries. Simply tell your next partner what you will and will not stand for. They may hate your rules, but they will respect you for it. If they break the boundaries, LEAVE.
These two posts are great. Though never married, I was madly in love with a girl once, and I behaved very similarly. I became a servant more or less, and the more I did for her and the more I tried to love her, the more of a selfish bitch she became. I wouldn't really call her a typical woman (dear god, if that were the case I'd never speak to females again), but apparently her type is fairly common. The further the distance you are willing to go, the more the woman will take and demand, the more she will walk all over you, the less she will respect you, and the more unhappy you will be. As a guy, you need to stand up for yourself and "set her straight" early on in the relationship any time she starts getting out of line, otherwise it will become a pattern and progress more and more. Women have a taking mentality. They have evolved to have such mentality as it improves their fitness to get as many resources from males as possible. As a guy you need to let her know your relationship is not a one-way street, that it should be give and take, that you both have lives.
Sorry to hear your story, man. I've heard many like it. Unfortunately the guy usually bends over backwards for his wife for years only to have her leave him or something and take the kids along with 70% of the wealth/assets. The more I read and hear about these stories, the less I want to ever get married. It seems that any more, probability is high you will either get divorced and screwed over or your marriage will be unhappy.
Yes, a good relationship is giving the other person what they need. But that's a man's world, and you just finished talking about the differences between men and women.
We'v been hearing how women don't want to be placated. They don't like someone who will shower them with love (whetehr it's doing the dishes or being a good listener)
This is where women come off looking crazy. They claim to want a certain kind of man, but they won't respect that man when he arrives. So what's the solution? Treat them with a strong upper hand and make sure you have money and social status to attract the good-looking ones.
I don't really know where all of your fears about these things are coming from, but I do hear that you're scared you are going to give and won't be loved in return.
I have to get a few things done today. TTYSoon luv
Don't get it wrote:
4) Women in their 30s/40s are better in bed than women in their 20s. Yet for some reason, a lot of guys are in sexless marriages with women in their 30s/40s.
I did not state unequivocally that 30-/40-somethings were "better" in bed. I was only correcting the stupid notion that women are useless sexually after 30. My point was that many of them are just as good and some ARE better than younger women.
For the record, the 28-year-old was an absolute freak. When we first met and were IM'ing, she told me her favorite kind was "borderline abusive." There is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - she would not do. You name it, and she was up for it enthusiastically, and in fact suggested plenty. One example: We were out at a bar one night and there was a very hot lady bartender (think Coyote Ugly movie). My girl asked, "Think she'd be up for going home with us?" She was absolutely serious. (No, it never happened, but we talked about it several more times).
However, I could say basically the same thing about my current GF, who is 42 and an absolute wildcat. So, I guess you could say age has nothing to do with?
As for cheating, I don't think men have a monopoly on cheating. PLENTY of married women cheat on their husbands. I'd say it's 50/50.
Where the women giving the men one bj a day? It's simple as that, if they did, most guys wouldn't have the desire to go see other women and would be happy. Some girls understand this, it's two minutes a day and goes a long way a high libido man faithfull. It's not just about how hot a girl looks, if you can't have fun with her, it's useless.