cougrunner wrote:
Drew Polley for President!!!
In all seriousness ex-hansons win easy.
if drew polley were president:
-fat people would be taxed by the pound. a team of analysts would develop a system similar to age grades to determine their fat bracket.
-new national parks: "lindgrens run," "johnson," "kamiak," "the coug," and "valhalla."
-vending machines would contain only raw vegetables and tea, dispensed in recycled, bpa-free containers.
-being in college would be the highest paying job in the country.
-new labor laws would mandate breaks for morning runs, mid-morning naps, lunch, and afternoon runs. a doctor's note confirming your participation in a beer 5k excuses any absence from work the next day.
-a would-be drunken sex scandal would be derailed by an inability to find the white house and an awkward high five to end the night.
-foreign relations would improve after a mass text to world leaders that says, ",smfo. upi str dp nrsiyogi;. i love you."
-the gaza strip would be awarded to the winner of an intense game of caps.
-professional football games would be played no later than 4pm est.
-those convicted in the great stroketrials of 2019 would be punished by being forced to watch the movie "prefontaine" on repeat until they give up the will to live.
-the washington monument would be torn down to make room for a giant sculpture of a shoe.
-sunday may be the holy day, but thursday is banjo day.
-the cabinet would consist of marshawn lynch, brett fah-ver, marcus trufant, ... wait, that's mr. president's fantasy team. and yes, they all have cabinet positions now.
all in all, i'm for it.