Out of curiosity, do nice, shy gay guys complain about how jerks get all the best dudes? Or does that not happen in the gay community?
Out of curiosity, do nice, shy gay guys complain about how jerks get all the best dudes? Or does that not happen in the gay community?
Wise Guy wrote:
Out of curiosity, do nice, shy gay guys complain about how jerks get all the best dudes? Or does that not happen in the gay community?
They just go for the ones that don't have AIDS yet.
That's a good question. They probably complain.
Being nice and shy is pretty pointless, whether gay or straight, it appears.
Umm...Well...Yeah wrote:
That's a good question. They probably complain.
Being nice and shy is pretty pointless, whether gay or straight, it appears.
Yeah, but maybe they get hit on by the brash, confident, outgoing gay dudes, so it isn't as much of a problem? This is just for scientific purposes, you understand.
Learn how to dance and go to clubs. Especially Latin stuff. Salsa, tango, etc. Learn how to dance.
Algonkian wrote:
The last few posters have nailed it--it's all about the Benjamin$.
I've lived all over the US, but for the past 10 years I've lived in a nice neighborhood in one of the top 3 wealthiest counties (Loudoun County, Virginia).
Virtually every guy in my neighborhood has a six-figure income, many I'd estimate to be well over 200K. Doctors, lawyers, lobbyists, senior defense contractors, senior government workers. Almost without exception these guys have hot (or formerly hot) wives. Many are on wife #2, who are also hot. They mostly drive luxury vehicles. It's laughable to see the number of huge, shiny, black SUVs there are in my neighborhood, mostly driven by attractive stay-at-home MILFs.
Point is, I see every day what money can buy. I can drive down the road to less affluent communities and the attractiveness of the women decreases markedly.
It's a symbiotic thing: woman go for the highest bidder, and the men want the hottest tail. It's a fascinating look into our primitive mindset.
The increased attractiveness could have a great deal to do with the women having the cash to dole out for high-end salons, pricey clothes, and expensive skin doctors. These women most likely had these advantages to begin with and traveled already in the same circles as the rich guys.
While there are certainly cases of marrying across socio-economic lines, it's less common than marrying within one's own social status. It might or might not be a "dream life"--but I would bet that it's not just "rich guy finds pretty girl of any income level."
As for the OP, my guess is that you need to loosen up. You may be coming across as too tense, feeling like you have to impress women. Get the focus off you. In some way the guy who advised you to pretend not to care has a point, but you maybe need to let go, do things you enjoy because you enjoy them, not because you'll meet women (not that you won't but take the focus off that). Maybe try new things--visit places you haven't been to before, try a new sport, etc. etc. Even if you don't get into a relationship, you'll have had fun, met new people, expanded your horizons.
The more you need someone, the more you scare that person away. Just live your life, enjoy it to the full, and if you meet someone in the process, great--that person will probably share your energy--and if you don't, you're still finding your own happiness.
A group of women wrote:
That is the most ridiculous thing that we have ever heard. There are three of us laughing at this thread right now. All of us have boyfriends/husbands who would be considered successful. 2 were college athletes and one is a surgeon. All three good looking.
You know what all three of us like the most about our better half? Personality. Sense of humor. Empathy.
You guys are clueless.
You cite former successes and profession as indicators of quality, yet claim that personality is what is most important to you? I don't dispute it, it just seems like an easy claim to make once you're with an accomplished or successful person.
senoj ekim wrote:
Best of the Best wrote:We're not attracted to them, we get sucked into their lives because we feel sorry for them.
Great joke you just told there.
I was serious.
Thankfully I've only had to deal with one true jerk in my life (sexist, mean spirited, rude and classless), and the only reason I gave him the time of day was his whole "woe is me" spiel about how he had a hard childhood, couldn't shake his addictions, previous girlfriends treated him badly (well now we know why...). It went on and on. The guy was unattractive, unsuccessful, a leach on his family and society in every way, but he managed to manipulate me into pitying him and wanting to help him. Once he thought he had me hooked, the true ass in him came out.
Best of the Best wrote:
senoj ekim wrote:Great joke you just told there.
I was serious.
Thankfully I've only had to deal with one true jerk in my life (sexist, mean spirited, rude and classless), and the only reason I gave him the time of day was his whole "woe is me" spiel about how he had a hard childhood, couldn't shake his addictions, previous girlfriends treated him badly (well now we know why...). It went on and on. The guy was unattractive, unsuccessful, a leach on his family and society in every way, but he managed to manipulate me into pitying him and wanting to help him. Once he thought he had me hooked, the true ass in him came out.
Good Lord, if a chick told me that story I'd give her the phone number for a psychiatrist!
Wise Guy wrote:
Good Lord, if a chick told me that story I'd give her the phone number for a psychiatrist!
He already had one! And had a therapist he'd been seeing for over ten years as well. Sounds like he'd been manipulating the therapist right along with all the other women in his life...
Best of the Best wrote:
Wise Guy wrote:Good Lord, if a chick told me that story I'd give her the phone number for a psychiatrist!
He already had one! And had a therapist he'd been seeing for over ten years as well. Sounds like he'd been manipulating the therapist right along with all the other women in his life...
Oh my. Dude should have been a lawyer if he could convince people that well!
Better luck to you in the future!
Wise Guy wrote:
Oh my. Dude should have been a lawyer if he could convince people that well!
Better luck to you in the future!
Funny. He was dumber than a brick when it came to educating himself. Flunked out of every undergrad program he started. Gave him a big pity party over that issue too.
I'm with a fantastic guy now, thanks.
Wise Guy wrote:
Out of curiosity, do nice, shy gay guys complain about how jerks get all the best dudes? Or does that not happen in the gay community?
Yep, happens to us too.
Read a book called Magic Bullets by Savoy.
It will explain nice guy vs jerks, and the social skills you need to learn.
Yes, it is like running. There is the way you naturally do it, and if you learn the right skills you can get better.
At the stages of life when we are most urgently motivated to find mates ( this happens largely before prefrontal cortex has fully developed,) both men and women are wired to seek qualities in a mate that militate for reproductive success, and the survival of offspring to reproductive age, maximizing chance of passing one's genes down the line. Physical characteristics generally deemed attractive correlate positively with lack of infirmity, deformity, disease, and with likely fertility. In addition, women look for powerfully-built mates capable of successfully competing for resources, and protecting her and her offspring from attack by other males.Such are the vestigal mandates we have inherited, though societal developments may have made them less relavent, or even antagonistic to life as we lead it now. These criteria exist with successful propogation in mind, not so much for harmonious long-term companionship. Thus the attraction/repulsion between Stella DuBois and Stanley Kowalski. Physically drawn to each other, culturally at extreme odds. Made to mate, but not live together. So, perhaps a place to start is to admitthat both men and women are attracted to superficial attributes, though we pretend not to be, but also yearn for companionship from the opposite sex.
Yup well said wrote:
Conference, money & a ten pound cock are what matter to most women. Most women do not give two shits for some guy who runs sub 2:20 marathons.
I find most women care more about regionals than conference...but thats just my opinion!
This might be incorrect. My college professor says it is
all about how we are socialized into society. Biology is largely irrelevant.
I am married to one of those "best women" and I don't think most people who know me think I am a jerk. You could help yourself out by taking more risks and being more aggressive with the women you are interested in! Obviously your "Best Woman" is still out there! Good Luck!
There's two kinds of nice guys.
A - Guys who are nice because they genuinely enjoy being nice.
B - Guys who are nice because they lack the confidence to stand up for themselves and their opinions.
Only guy B ever complains about 'assholes' getting chicks. I mean, is there anything more pathetic than a guy whining about how his community service isn't getting him any girls?
Why are all the best women attracted to such jerks? That's easy - because the guy who is with the woman we're lusting after is almost automatically a "jerk" by definition. Okay, sure, there are exceptions if you were already really good friends with the guy or something. But come on, the question basically translates to, "why do I have a low opinion of the guy who is banging the chick I want to bang?" Kind of answers itself, no?