Saddest/Toughest Day of your life?

I'm not sure if you are going to or not but I hope you beat the f*** out of that walking piece of shit. People talk about always needing to obey the law, in that case the law should turn a blind eye. That man deserves so much worse than he has gotten.

AM, the reason I mentioned group therapy with people that have gone through exact the same emotions as you (like Bauhaus) is because this is a great healing process and can lift this guilt from you. Judging from my own experience with alcoholic parents this is key to becoming emotionally better and well off. The resentments against yourself need to be removed.

It is the same with family/friends from Alcoholics thats why AA has Al-Anon (for friends/families). You may not initially believe but spouses/family/friends of Alcoholics often blame themselves for the drinking of their loved ones. It's the same thing that goes through your head ("had I only done xyz then this would not have happened.. etc.., "I hate myself for doing xyz and not being there for her/reacting the way I").

The fact is, past is past, you cannot change what has happened. You need to process and let your best side shine again despite all the past terror and despair.

Often this can only happen by connecting with others that really understand you because they have gone through the same things. Just saying. It may be worth opening an online website for family/friends of HD patients. Just throwing ideas out here.

Good luck to you with everything.

None of them knew. Her dad died of it later, and one brother found out that he had it. Their other brother refused to take the test. He was in his 40s with no symptoms and just didn't want to know. (I haven't kept in touch with them--they may both be dead now.) The rare thing in their case is that the children showed the symptoms before the father who was the source did.

I don't think there's such a thing as "too personal" in this thread. Thank you for your sincerity. As De La Muerte suggests, we shouldn't blame ourselves for that disease's effects on us, any more than the victims can be blamed. I slammed furiously out of the house several times, early in her denial that anything was wrong or that she was acting strangely. She became so different that I couldn't imagine a future with her. If I'd known that she had less than two years to live, I would have stuck it out and tried to be good for her. Damn ignorant doctors--the term "Huntington's" never came up for a whole year, although she was slipping and dropping things all the time, and yelling at people, and locking herself in her room for hours.

If I'd known before we got married that she had a 1-in-2 chance of inheriting it, I'm sure I'd have married her anyway. She was the best person I'd ever met, and totally no-games, after I'd been through the usual immature early-20s relationships full of pretensions and idealizing. The fact that I still think of her that way isn't a refusal to move on; I've dated people since, but knowing what she was like makes current less-deep relationships much harder to accept. I'm not religious either, but if I was, I'm pretty sure that having seen what happened to her would have killed any faith in universal goodness or reward for living one's life well.

She probably was terrified at the end. She only knew she had HD for about a year, and she fought it hard, doing research and going to experts. I was told that she had to be forcibly taken out of her house, like your wife was. She must have been scared as hell then. I hope you're right that there was no physical pain.

A possible lesson is that we're incredibly lucky when we're healthy, and we're even luckier if we're in a good relationship with someone who's also okay, and we're lucky for any years we get when nothing like Huntington's or cancer or Alzheimer's, or rape, or an unfair prison sentence, or a harsh betrayal, makes us unable to relax or think about anything in a normal way. Something's almost sure to put us through grief at the end of our lives, at the latest, so we should value the time we have before that in any way possible, including by confiding in people, even if they're anonymous like this. You've really been a friend, and so have several more people here, and I've been helped by it. Thank you.

The saddest day of my life had to be when I consented to take my little brother off of life support. He had been in a motorcycle accident, hit by an elderly woman who hadn’t seen him.

He had been a regular healthy guy until the heart trouble started in his twenties. Heart transplant, I was there. Years later he called me from the hospital, he was violently shaking and nobody knew what was wrong. I watched him as he appeared to lose his mind, and they induced a coma. It was West Nile, and with a transplanted heart the anti rejection medicine could not be reduced to treat the virus. They drilled a hole in his head (I signed the consent form) and waited for the virus to take its course.

Five months later he got out of the hospital, but his kidneys were gone. He learned to walk again. Dialysis for 4 years, then he got a new kidney. He was a new man, imagine feeling normal after years of taking up to 10 medications at a time.

One month after the kidney transplant, the motorcycle accident put him in a coma. Those of you who have seen someone taken off life support know that it is a ghastly ordeal to watch some one struggle to live for hours to satisfy the law. The hospital can only provide pain killer.

One of the last things he said to me days before the accident, in reference to my running, “You’re not made out of titanium!”

Next month it will be two years, and it is getting easier.

My girlfriend was prego.. I put a 4,000 dollar ring on her finger and we threw all of the baby showers and that crap. We were gonna get married 6 months after the baby because she wanted to try and lose the baby weight. Well to make a really long and I mean really long story short. The kid came out BLACK! I am a 150 pound xc runner like most of you, you can guess that I am white!

Sold the ring and got most of my money back and spent it on a new road bike. I love life now

This won't stack up to any of these stories, but the toughest day for me was when I was 12 years old and made my little brother cry. He was a sensitive kid and I was mean to him for no reason. I felt guilty about it right away, then went to school figuring I would apologize later. But, he suffered a horrible asthma attack. I saw the ambulance at school but didn't know it was for my brother.

I went to the hospital and he was hooked up to all these tubes. I thought I had killed him. Thankfully, he turned out fine (although it was dodgy for two weeks, he was sick with something else that triggered his asthma).

Still feel guilty. Bad times.

my mom threw up wrote:

My girlfriend was prego.. I put a 4,000 dollar ring on her finger and we threw all of the baby showers and that crap. We were gonna get married 6 months after the baby because she wanted to try and lose the baby weight. Well to make a really long and I mean really long story short. The kid came out BLACK! I am a 150 pound xc runner like most of you, you can guess that I am white!

Sold the ring and got most of my money back and spent it on a new road bike. I love life now

I am not trying to diminish your story whatsoever, but after so many life and death stories, I found your story as almost a necessary comic relief from all the tragedies I've been reading these past seven pages.

What kind of bike did you get?

Rbyrne wrote:

Mick D, I too am very sorry for your loss. I have a 15 year old boy and cannot begin to imagine the impact of your loss. In fact, I worry about that type of stuff and I'm always talking to by boy about staying safe and not doing stuff that can result in harming himself. However, I never heard of the "Choking Game" but I will certainly take your advice, educate myself and speak to my son about this subject.

You and your wife must be very strong individuals to get through that saddest day....

Rbyrne - One of the main reasons I posted on this topic was to try to get the word out to parents like yourself (and their kids). Take some time to look at this web site for some very good information -

. After doing some reading, take the time to talk about this with your son - and keep on talking to him. I wish all the best for you and your family. Thanks again for your kind words and thoughts.

I did the choking game at a summer camp in 8th grade. Definitely the dumbest thing I ever did. I actually had a seizure the first time they did it - meaning I had them do it again after that.

It's one reason I never get too mad at my middle school students.

Mtn Dew wrote:

I did the choking game at a summer camp in 8th grade. Definitely the dumbest thing I ever did. I actually had a seizure the first time they did it - meaning I had them do it again after that.

It's one reason I never get too mad at my middle school students.

I am always interested to hear of the extent of this activity. I am curious as to whether your school system has any kind of educational programs for the kids (and parents) about this activity, and other risky behavior. My wife and I have been active at promoting education on this in our local school system. My experience is that 1) the kids know about this, but don't realize the danger, and 2) the parents often don't know about it. Here is a link to a local morning talk show we were on last summer to help spread information:

Not so much a day but an event when a large growth appeared on my kneck. As days passed the growth worsened and i became increasingly hopeful that it would be life threatening. that was a sad self-realization.

Holy crap. I have no idea how I'd get through that. May you both continue to summon the strength to live with that memory.

crap runner wrote:

That is a rough situation.

For me it was my 28th birthday. My wife and I lost twins in utero on that day.

I cried my eyes out when I hit the end of your post. Your are one strong person.

Like many, I couldnt share bcuz it caused to much pain but I felt the need to express my emotions:

Im currently 30 and I have lost my wife in a car accident and all three of my children from the same brain cancer within 5yrs apart.

Timeline:

youngest son (3) passed away in 2008 after a 14 month battle

Oldest son (9) passed away 2 months ago after a 20month battle

Middle child (5) she passed away in 2006 after a 7 month battle

My beautiful wife passed away 2009

I just want to say CHERISH every single person, moment u have on this earth bcuz u never know. Tell the people u care about how much u love them. One thing I am proud of is my wife and kids knew how much I loved them and how proud I was of them, EVERYDAY!

I am so sad and depress by on the other hand I am relieved my wife and kids r in a better place and are not suffering anymore.

my mom threw up wrote:

My girlfriend was prego.. I put a 4,000 dollar ring on her finger and we threw all of the baby showers and that crap. We were gonna get married 6 months after the baby because she wanted to try and lose the baby weight. Well to make a really long and I mean really long story short. The kid came out BLACK! I am a 150 pound xc runner like most of you, you can guess that I am white!

Sold the ring and got most of my money back and spent it on a new road bike. I love life now

Whoa...you need to give us more information. That is insane.

AM: your final paragraph is a very eloquent statement. I will keep it in my head and remind myself of its truth. Good luck to you (and all others here who suffer/suffered).

You are one hell of a person for 2 reasons: you shared your extreme pain and had profound words of wisdom for all of us.

I wish you strength and continued courage to deal with your pain. I can only hope that running can be an outlet for you rather than other destructive choices. And therapy. And family/friends.

My heart aches for you.

As a guy about to have a baby girl this thread troubles me since so far I've had a pretty easy life. But here goes for me:

I ran track in college. I was a walk on, but in no position to ever get a scholarship (6'5'' high jumper). My second year they cut pretty much all the walk ons since they had so many and it was skewing the numbers for Title 9.

I stayed on as a manager since my roommate was a track manager and the coach told me he'd like me to stick around and help since I was such a track nut. I kept in shape by running in the evenings with my buddy.

One evening in April we ran through campus and saw one of the team's distance runners studying outside the library. David looked up to see us running and cheered us on like we were winning the Olympic marathon. It was funny because he was a pretty good runner (more on that in a bit).

The next day my buddy and I get to practice a few minutes late and notice everyone is really quiet. One of the jumpers notices we're joking around and says, "I guess you haven't heard, David was taken to the hospital and isn't doing too well". Right then the assistant coach came up to the group and said, "Guys... David didn't make it."

We were all shocked. The group made their way to the locker room so the head coach could talk to us. I remember being inconsolable. I had never known anyone that had died really. It was awful.

The runner's name was David Kimani and we couldn't believe that of all the people to suddenly die, it'd be him.

In grad school, I came home from a long run to a moving van in front of my apartment & my girlfriend--who I lived with for 4 years--moving out. (I knew we were on the skids, but didn't expect this.) Her parents were there packing things.

She & I went for a walk & talked for a bit. Not too much to say at that point.

I left & went to the movies (in my soggy running clothes). I don't even remember the plot of the movie.

Then I went back to an empty apartment. Strange feeling to walk around an empty place.

In retrospect, she was only "putting us out of our misery." We'd fallen out of love. Goodness, we were so young. (I'm 40 now.) But, I don't think she handled it correctly.

Such is life.