Should I call the POLICE on my family this Thanksgiving?

Don't go to your parents for Thanksgiving.

you're welcome.

same ol jerk wrote:

He's bugged out of his mind (sits in the same spot for 12 hours straight having crazy conversations with himself, etc).

This is not normal?

It sounds to me that your brother is the favorite of at least one and probably both of your parents. In any case, your parents are united on that front. I am completely familiar with this and it is the same with my brother, though he is not an addict to drugs.

Also I would say that your brother is taking after at least one and maybe both of your parents. You aren't. Good for you. Trying to overcome all of this and get close to your parents is a lost cause and you would be spinning your wheels forever. Give it upt.

That's the best thing you can do.

Focus on your own life, and be happy.

Maybe you should make the police aware of the situation, but I believe you ought to separate yourself from your family, the members who are making you heartsick. It is a wicked triangle between your brother and parents. And I hate to say it, but you are the realist and the people in denial will not accept your observations.

The same thing happened in my family. There were five kids and my parents focused on the one with all of the deranged issues. My brother didn't do meth but he did a ton of other drugs in the late 70's-80's, went to jail for dealing, came out and expected everyone to feel sorry for him that he went to jail!! If you are going to live by the sword you have to accept the fact that you will die by the sword. Your brother is brain/soul damaged and I am sorry that this has ruined your mother and father's perspective. But it has. They are all intertwined.

Focus on creating a healthy life for yourself that does not involve them. Surround yourself with the friends and people who wish you well. You have to do it and keep yourself healthy. People who have not lived with someone like your brother do not get it.

Just remember, there are good people in the world who care about you, love you and want to see you flourish. Accept your situation, be good to yourself and move away! And begin a new Thanksgiving tradition!

Same situation, except I'm 20 and my brother is approaching 40 years old, and he's a crack addict and alcoholic, not meth. He's been living at my parents' house since I was 12 or 13, with his two daughters who are 2 and 5 years younger than me. It's my third year of college and I'm still as glad to be out of my parents' house as I was the beginning of freshman year. I've found jobs on campus over summer and winter breaks and haven't lived at home since high school.

Although I talk to my parents on the phone once or twice a week, I have jettisoned most of my family out of my life because my brother and his problems dominates the lives of my parents, brothers/sisters and their spouses and kids. I'm most thankful for my friends and teammates from college and high school, and will probably be spending Thursday through Saturday hanging out / doing the whole turkey day/weekend thing with some combination of friends and teammates. Family is what you make of it, and I decided when I started college that I was going to do just that because I was tired of having a horribly family life throughout middle school and high school.

Over and out, keep us updated and good luck with whatever you decide.

First off, sorry to hear about your situation and frankly if I was you, I would cut them off, I know it sounds mean but honestly, you're an adult therefore you can make your own decisions. Unfortunately, you're dealing with an addict and co-dependents and you are caught in the middle.

You will only make yourself miserable if you stick around. Your parents are adults too and they can make decisions on their own and as tough as is for you because you are the 'mediator' or want to 'save them', you will only beat yourself against the wall. Just know, it's not your fault and this addiction is a 'disease'.

Trust me, I know what you are going through but in my situation it was not a relative but a long term boyfriend. I too was caught up in the co-dependency where I would bail him out from drug dealers--in fact one time I had to pick him up from the ghettos where he owed money--he was all beaten up and I paid his debt. This is just one example and I am NOT proud to mention this, but do UNDERSTAND your situation. It was only when my boyfriend started to become 'violent' when I started to fear for my life.

Once in college, he was driving me back from classes and I knew immediately he had been 'using' and I questioned him over and over--he got angry and started to yell and scream at me, I wanted to get out of the car and he grabbed my hair and told me..."YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE", that scared the crap out of me...

Again, the last straw for me...when I thought he was clean and I had given him several chances, one night in my apt.--he started to accuse me of something and I knew right away, he had been using because of his dilated pupils and he had been drinking--for some reason, he became angry, started throwing dishes and the dinner I made against the wall. I then became angry as well and started to yell at him and next thing I know it, he comes after me and grabs my necklace and yanks it (the one he gave me..) and proceeds to take a HARD punch to my head!

I was in shock and started to run for the door and before I had the chance to unlock and escape, he gave me one more punch to the ear....

I was able to escape and called the police on him and never looked back.

Why did I just give you my example? Because you never KNOW what these addicts can do and you don't have control over them.

The best thing is to 'remove' yourself from them family or not.

I'm a therapist and work with the indigent population in a large city, so I've seen this (and much worse) before. I'm going to give you the advice a therapist gives when not at work:

1. Stay away, make sure he doesn't have any of your contact info. Don't piss him off, make no contact with him whatsoever. Encourage your siblings to do the same.

2. Your parents are stupid for enabling him and deserve any harm they receive, they have what's coming to them. Survival of the fittest.

3. Anonymous calls to police or probation officer can be helpful, but could also backfire (if your brother has the slightest idea it may have been you).

Mr. Obvious wrote:

Brian? Is that you?

You remember what happened the last time you called the police to your house, right? That didn't work out so well for you.

I am not the OP. Nice of you to remember, though.

how does turning in your brother help you???

i doubt it helps you at all if you really think about it.

more strife, more headache for you and your family

you just need to walk away from this whole situation

good luck

You could give Alanon a try.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Or Nar-Anon.

http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

Same ol jerk,

I went through exactly the same situation with my family five years ago. In fact, I posted a very similar message here in 2004 (can't find it now). My brother got into meth at 19 and became the most disruptive force in my life. He became a theif, a liar, extortionist and bully whose life revolved around getting (taking) money from others to buy meth with. It got to the point where I had to spend most of my time and energy dealing with problems created by my brother. My parents enabled him the whole way by supporting him financially and giving him money, which he spent on drugs. They were unable to recognize their role in fostering the situation.

Anyway, long story short, it's been five years and the situation with my brother is still the same. At 24, he is now a totaly worthless parasite and degenerate piece of shit who has absolutely no value whatsoever as a human being, and I have disowned him completely, forever. He is not my brother, he is a worthless relative I wish I had never seen. My parents live in a state of perpetual denial about what he is; they resort to wild distortions of reality- convincing themselves that my brother is a victim rather than a degenerate- to avoid acknowledging the truth about their worthless son. They have destroyed their own minds in the process.

My advice is to distance yourself from your family rather than try to interfere. Do not be a narc- that is, don't call the police over the fact of his drug use. The only reason you should ever get the police involved is if he violates your rights by harming you, threatning you, or damaging your property. But if you distance yourself from your family like you ought to, that won't be an issue.

Realize that your parents' support of your brother is a reflection of their own character flaws, that they are accessories to his crimes, and that they are every bit as guilty as he is. If your brother threatened to kill you, and your parents continue to finance his existence in spite of the fact, then they have committed a major evil against you. Therefore, you should not give them your sanction by continuing to associate with them. You should not go home for Thanksgiving. You should instead make it clear to them that you are not on good terms with them as long as they support your brother, and force them to experience the proper consequences of their own despicable behavior- the loss of their relationship with you.

I know it's hard to do this, but your family is deeply, deeply corrupt and you need to get away from them for your own good. At 21 you are still close enough to your adolescent years that you aren't used to being detached from your family yet. By the time you're my age (25) you'll be so used to be independent and autonomous that you won't miss them. I am a hell of a lot better off since I disowned my family. I still talk to my parents, but I don't have a close relationship with them, and they are clearly aware of my opinion of them, and that I have neither forgotten nor forgiven anything that has happened.

I just re-read your posts and it sound like you have already have the correct perspective on your family. However, I maintain that you should not call the cops over your brother's drug use. The drugs are his business. Only get the law involved if he directly violates your person or property.

By the way, despite my handle, I'm not on drugs of any kind, and quit smoking weed years ago. I'm just posting under this handle so people will know who I am.

same old same wrote:

Same situation, except I'm 20 and my brother is approaching 40 years old

There's a 20 year age gap between both of you? I call BS unless one or both of you are adopted.

Christopher V wrote:

8/10..Very very good. But not quite believable.

SHUT THE F*** UP! Not everything is a freaking troll post! Get a life. You trollwatchers sicken me.

I can't really identify, but I kind of can (if that makes sense). Nobody in my family uses drugs, but my little sister has some real problems with behavior and running away from home with boys. She is now in a detention center getting behavioral help, but she's still young so it's not really the same thing. Another trip to jail isn't going to do your bro any good. There are two ways to go about this, neither being better than the other for you specifically:

A) Forget them completely and live your own life, declare your independence of them and your childhood, then focus on doing what makes you happy.

B) You can take the hard route and try to get your brother help. This does not mean call the police. If, deep down, you really care about him and the family, then it may be your best option to try to find a way to help him get off drugs and solve whatever mental problems that may cause him to need drugs.

In the end, it's your decision, but definitely don't try to confront them aggressively on your own. You have to have a plan in order to repair a relationship, so if you want to try, then do whatever you can to modify your approach to the problem, then try to get your brother help. Of course, you can also leave it to him and let it be his problem. It's your choice. Good luck.

shut up wrote:

B) You can take the hard route and try to get your brother help. This does not mean call the police. If, deep down, you really care about him and the family, then it may be your best option to try to find a way to help him get off drugs and solve whatever mental problems that may cause him to need drugs.

0% chance of that strategy working out

shut up wrote:

Christopher V wrote:

8/10..Very very good. But not quite believable.

SHUT THE F*** UP! Not everything is a freaking troll post! Get a life. You trollwatchers sicken me.

Trolling the trolls... incredible.

marijuologist wrote:

shut up wrote:

B) You can take the hard route and try to get your brother help. This does not mean call the police. If, deep down, you really care about him and the family, then it may be your best option to try to find a way to help him get off drugs and solve whatever mental problems that may cause him to need drugs.

0% chance of that strategy working out

I acknowledge that it would take dedication and a near perfect way of going about it, almost a miracle for it to happen, but it's not impossible. It's happened before. I'm just saying, if it is someone he cares about, then perhaps he should try.

No, it's a crime to even try to help such a person. The brother should simply be cut off from all support and left to sink or swim on his own merit.