Having a hard time sleeping because I'm nervous before a race... how can I control the pre race nerves?

Mr. Conundrum wrote:
Don't refer to yourself as "scared". Nervous and anxious are OK, but "scared" is not the term you want to reinforce to youelf.

Let me amend your comment...

"Change the word 'scared' to 'excited!' Your nerves are just telling you that you are excited and focused to do well in this next race."

Linguistically, most of the time you tell a person "Don't," they stop listening, their pre-conscious feelings and thoughts resist, shut down, or say "I'll do what I want." Basically most people shut down on some level when they hear the word "don't." This happens on a scale from 1 to ten. 1 being you and they don't even know it is happening, ten being you and they both know you have turned them off, or pissed them off.

The reason the word "don't" is one of the least effective ways to start a communication, is that in the first 5 years of life, the two words most people heard the most were "no" and "don't." Studies show that most people, most of the time...when hearing the word "don't" block or resist every word that comes next, for some time, or at least to the end of the sentence!

Linguistically the phrase "Don't refer to yourself as "scared," can be parsed into this: "Don't" + "refer to yourself as "scared." Ergo, your sentence actually contains the instruction to "refer to yourself as "scared." Which reinforces what they are already doing, and trying to change.

Better to just tell the person what to do.

So, basically, if you want to raise your effectiveness at communicating, don't start off giving advice with a don't. ;-)

Thanks for the post. A bit on the pompous side but informative and interesting. Actually though you didn't back up your theory with any research. Please give me a link to the studies you referenced.I know that neurologically "don't" or any negative is not a good way to teach any concept. Telling someone that 6 times 7 doesn't equal 41 causes them to remember the incorrect fact and then remember additionally the negation.Similarly telling someone that they are not a loser makes them conceptualize themselves as the loser then to apply the negation.In this case its important to explain why certain words should be avoided. I could have simply said instead of using scared use anxious. I don't think excited conveys the meaning the op was trying to communicate. The point was not to deny the feeling but not to frame it in a weaking manner.

A therapist... wrote:
Mr. Conundrum wrote:
Don't refer to yourself as "scared". Nervous and anxious are OK, but "scared" is not the term you want to reinforce to youelf.
Let me amend your comment...
"Change the word 'scared' to 'excited!' Your nerves are just telling you that you are excited and focused to do well in this next race."
Linguistically, most of the time you tell a person "Don't," they stop listening, their pre-conscious feelings and thoughts resist, shut down, or say "I'll do what I want." Basically most people shut down on some level when they hear the word "don't." This happens on a scale from 1 to ten. 1 being you and they don't even know it is happening, ten being you and they both know you have turned them off, or pissed them off.
The reason the word "don't" is one of the least effective ways to start a communication, is that in the first 5 years of life, the two words most people heard the most were "no" and "don't." Studies show that most people, most of the time...when hearing the word "don't" block or resist every word that comes next, for some time, or at least to the end of the sentence!
Linguistically the phrase "Don't refer to yourself as "scared," can be parsed into this: "Don't" + "refer to yourself as "scared." Ergo, your sentence actually contains the instruction to "refer to yourself as "scared." Which reinforces what they are already doing, and trying to change.
Better to just tell the person what to do.
So, basically, if you want to raise your effectiveness at communicating, don't start off giving advice with a don't. ;-)

Having a hard time sleeping because I'm nervous before a race... how can I control the pre race nerves?

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