son in middle school cc

I don't consider what you've written here being "pushed" into running. You were a soccer player and WANTED to continue with soccer, so your parents basically were giving you an option there -- either take soccer seriously (by staying in shape outside of soccer with running) or don't play soccer. You could have opted to do neither. A parent giving a kid a nudge and a parent demanding they run cross country against their will are two different things. The first season of summer track, my daughter walked part of an 800 in practice. I didn't make her join track, but I did tell her after that practice that walking was not part of the training. I told her that if she wanted to continue with track that she was not to walk when she was supposed to be running and that if she was too tired to run the whole way then she was going too fast initially and needed to slow down until she could run the whole way. She never walked again (when she should have been running), and she likes running still.

If either of my kids decided to stop sports completely, I would be ok with that, depending on their reasons (would want to make sure it wasn't a personal problem with a coach or another athlete or something like that). It is NOT a good idea to ever MAKE a kid be involved in a sport if they hate it. They must make good use of their time, however. Playing computer games or Game Cube games or watching television can't take the place of the time they would have been running.

Most middle school programs are run by great coaches, who know NOT to push any kid, and to just let them have fun. It really doesn't matter that the high school has good runners that have won state championships, a good coach will recognize that every kid is different. But YOU need to take a step back and just let your son do the sport and deal with what ever happens. He is what, 12 years old? Kids can be pretty fickle at that age, they may like something one day, and not the next day.

My question is, why is he not in football or at least basketball? A 5'6" 120 pound seventh grader? That is a big kid. Why not let him try sports that are more suited to his body type, rather than what you did?

My son started organized sports at 8, and by the time he was in middle school, was firmly entrenched in football, basketball and track. He had started playing baseball but did not like it once he figured out that unless HIS dad was a coach, he was unlikely to have any good position. I wanted him to swim, big long arms and legs, big feet and he was a natural, but he wanted to play football. We held him out of that until he was in seventh grade, he was also a big kid. He stuck with his three sports through his junior year in high school, when he reluctantly dropped basketball so that he could keep his grades up, and focus on his other two sports. And he was All state in track and all conference in football. And now he is a TWO sport collegiate athlete....

That being said, I sat on my hands alot and had them over my mouth much of the time, to stay out of things. Try your best to present a positive attitude...try REALLY hard to NEVER say anything bad about the coach or offer an opinion as to training....believe me, it will go much smoother. And most important, this is your son's experience, you already lived yours. So just enjoy his....

Semantics wrote:

Bear in mind that you're using terms such as "suggested" and "introduce". Perhaps the OP was not being literal, but you'll note that he wrote PUSHED. There is a huge difference.

quote]

Thanks again everyone once again for your advice/input.

I "pushed" my son into running this fall. At registration day I walked up to the table and signed his name on the sign up sheet. If I gave him the "option" he would be on team X-box - there actually is a gaming club in middle school! He was aware that he would be running cross country since last April/May and agreed to it, but now he is afraid. He is timid and afraid to try new things in general but once he does, he usually but not always, enjoys it. The thing I need to be careful about is giving him support and not being judgemental *at all*. He is worried that he will not measure up to what I did as a runner. While I would love it if he enjoys running as much as I did, activities are what you make of them. It is important to be open to try different experiences. I just want him to be a good student, well rounded and happy. The fact he is now concerned makes me concerned I made a mistake. Some of the comments reinforced this and others make me feel a little better. I am going to ask him to stick out this season and give it a chance. I told him he would struggle at first until he gets in shape to run and not to worry. As for my younger son, he was crying because he couldn't join the team. He runs everywhere.

Well the way you describe how you "pushed" him into it, yeah, I think you make a mistake there, but none of us are perfect, so you're allowed to not be. It's possible that he'll end up liking it, but I suspect not. It is always tough for kids (especially boys) to try to live up to what their fathers did. You do need to have a very hands off approach here. Looks like your younger son will be the runner.

concerned dad wrote:

The thing I need to be careful about is giving him support and not being judgemental *at all*. He is worried that he will not measure up to what I did as a runner. While I would love it if he enjoys running as much as I did, activities are what you make of them.

Since this is what you are concerned about, I don't think it's going to be a problem for you. For one, don't tell him your times. Given he was a swimmer, i don't think he's going to struggle as much as you think he might. I think what the poster said about how he gave his kid 2 weeks to make a decision as to whether or not he wants to quit is a good one. But if the goal is to make sure he as an activity rather than x-boxing, then have him find something of his choosing to replace running with.

GoldenBoy wrote:This is why I love LR - A great place to criticize others for posting their HS PRs as irrelevant - right before posting your own HS PRs. It should be a LR rule, work your PRs or latest weekly mileage/pace into every post !

I was a running a 10 miler at 6 minute pace while thinking about this post and my sub-4:00 1500 in HS.

Even as a relatively disinterested party, I have to say that you clearly missed the point of that particular point.

The OP said "kind of pushed". Nobody knows exactly what that means. The op could have been very appropriate or inappropriate. Based on the rest of his post I am guessing appropriate.

There is nothing wrong for parents to "strongly encourage" kids to try things and to get involved. Some kids need more encouragement then others.

I didn't start running until age 42. I did play some competitive high school sports early in high school and then dropped out of the sports all together. In retrospect, it would have been a good match, and I wish I had been "kind of pushed" into it.

"Even as a relatively disinterested party, I have to say that you clearly missed the point of that particular point."

Well no, I did get the point of his particular point - but you clearly missed the irony of it.

egege

I have an 8-year old and 6-year old and struggle with these kinds of issues too, specifically the balance between nudging/encouraging and pushing. We all do. I don't have too much more to add than what has been said, other than that I too like the idea of having your son try it out for some fixed period and then letting him decide whether or not to quit.

I also agree with whoever said that some of these posts have been over-the-top in their criticism. You're doing fine, don't beat yourself up. The fact that you're wrestling with this issue reflects well on you as a parent. Good luck!

just tell him to stick it out and give it time, many don't enjoy running for the first 6 months, and many don't succeed at all until a few years in.

when i was in high school, i was motivated and totally wanted to be the best... and was constantly behind guys 3 years older than me. and worse, guys my own age.

i worked at it, stayed focus, and it all clicked towards the end of my junior year...broke 5 for the first time, then knocked 20 plus seconds off that...

got even better my junior year, won almost everything, raked in the awards and medals, was nearly undefeated my senior year, ran at a major d1, had a great time.

fell short of the olympics, but all in all it was a great experience, since so many try to get that far and never do...

remind him it is the journey, not the destination.

As it turns out, I am cautiously optimistic. We had the parents meeting as the first practice was concluding. My son was pretty much in the middle of the pack and was apparently leading a group of new runners. He will be tested no doubt but hopefully he will enjoy the experience. He was happy to discover a new summer camp friend is also on the team. The coaches are *great* and seem to understand how to motivate the kids in a positive way without beating them down. I really like the kids on they team as they are very friendly and positive. There are a lot of non-running activities as well as an overnight meet that includes a post race trip to a hot-springs pool. There are over 30 kids in the program (boys and girls). He left for school today with a smile. Thanks to all (good and bad) for your comments.

Flagpole wrote:

I don't consider what you've written here being "pushed" into running. You were a soccer player and WANTED to continue with soccer, so your parents basically were giving you an option there -- either take soccer seriously (by staying in shape outside of soccer with running) or don't play soccer. You could have opted to do neither. .

Well, I sure wasn't going to sign up for PE, since I considered myself an athlete, so yeah, I was 'pushed' into running XC. My option was either PE or XC, and I wanted no part of the joke that was PE. My parents knew that I wouldn't sign up for PE, just out of basic pride.

Plus, I did feel like they were pushing me to run.

Some of my most dedicated runners NOW were completely ambivalent about XC or Track when they started, and signed up just to avoid PE. In my experience, parents who tell their kids 'You're going to do sports, end of story,' usually wind up having kids who are 2 or 3 sport athletes who enjoy their sports. Obviously, some can become little-league helicopter parents, but I'd have a much harder time getting a core group of athletes to commit to running if it weren't for parents who gave them some 'direction' to begin with.

Let's face it - running isn't football or soccer or baseball or basketball. It has a low profile in the US. If it takes a few parents to 'strongly encourage' their kids to run XC in order for me to have a shot at 'converting' them to runners, that's fine by me. And if they try it, and don't like it, that's okay, too.

I push my kids to want to be better at everything. My 9 year old will dribble 2 basketballs 1/2 mile everyday. My 11 year old runs 3 miles 4 days a week. I also make them read 1 hour a day. Point is it is acceptable to push your kid to be better in school. That means you’re a good caring parent. When it comes out side of school your a controlling jerk. My dad let me quite whenever life got hard. I learned all that set me up for was to fail.

You took the time out from family duties, work, and your life put it on the back burner to see if your son can be successful at running. You encourage him and push him when he needs it. Never let him quite. Sounds like a caring dad to me.

The asshole parents are the ones who scream at there kids when they don’t win. The even bigger pricks are the parents who don’t care and never show up. You are neither.

Good on ya. Kids need a little shove now and then. They are not prepared at that age to make all of their decisions. You helped him make a good one. My son started running in the 7th grade and wound up doing pretty good by the 8th. I was a pretty decent runner and he keeps reminding me that he kicks my butt every day. He is the 3rd or 4th runner on his high school team as a freshman and made the decision to quit soccer last year and concentrate on cross/track (thanks to a conversation with the winner of last years USA Campionships Half Marathon - extremely cool thing of him to do with a youngster). Your son will be fine and it sounds like he has found a new calling.

I completely disagree with anyone who has criticized this father. Time has a way of fading our memories and I'll bet that most of us who were successful athletes can thank our parents for their encouragement, nudging, criticisms and support for our various athletic achievements. My father played in the NFL for 10 years and we didn't have an option as to whether or not we would play sports; which ones was the big issue. I remember the day that my younger brother came home early, (skipped soccer tryouts so that he could play grabass that fall), and my mother packed his butt in the car, took him to practice and made him apologize to the coach and play. He went on to earn a scholarship and play football collegiately at a national championship school.

This same brother has decided to not 'influence' his kids and let them make their own decisions (at the ages of 7 & 10) and they now love video games and have never participated in any activity that involves competition or losing. They are missing a key societal element and will pay the price for a lifetime by taking the easy way out because of their fear of failure.

To the OP and his original post.

You are thinking too much into this. My father "pushed" me into running cc as a freshman in HS to get into shape for basketball. I had never run prior to that. I was a kid, I took my fathers advise as it would get me into shape as that's a no brainer. Sure I got my ass kicked. I never once thought poorly of myself that the varsity girls could run faster than me. I actually enjoyed running with them! By mid season I had developed into a descent runner (for freshman standards) and LOVED running. I started running on my own over the weekends, etc. My father never once mentioned his running career and the accomplishments he had in it until I was a junior in hs. He never presured me to run, never placed expectations upon me and always made an effort to keep it fun and if I didn't feel like training he'd always support a "rest day". But he did introduce me to the sport as "getting in shape" for another sport. Sounds like that's exactly what you did for your son. I'd say everything will be just fine as long as you don't place your own personal expecations upon him. You introduced him to the sport, now let him do what he wants with it.